Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
It all.
The first line says it all.
Little Miss Muffet had much in common with ISIS. She too had Kurds in her way.
I recently received a degree from Palindrome University. My new professional title is Dr. Awkward.
Remember the '80s sitcom about Abraham Lincoln? It was shot before a live audience.
Job interviewer: What's your name, please.
Man applying for job: Stteevvven Sttutuartt.
Interviewer: Pardon? Would you repeat that, please?
Man: Stteevvven Sttutuartt.
Interviewer: Sir... do you have a stammer?
Man: No... but my father did. And the county registrar was an anal asshole.
There are dozens of hot air balloon businesses in our area, so I thought I'd buck the trend and start a cold air balloon business. Alas, I've had all sorts of trouble getting it off the ground.
The home of a prominent attorney was invaded by a second-story man. There was a terrible struggle... in the end, the burglar couldn't avoid being robbed.
I could have won the Junior Olympics if it weren't for you medalling kids!
The prostitute I was with last night died in the middle of the session. What a windfall! The whole next hour was free!
After the war, Sargent Schmidt from Stuttgart became an animal doctor. He was the city's first veteran Aryan.
It starts with an E...
It ends with an E...
It has only one letter:
Envelope.
A wife calls her husband:
Wife: The car won't start. There's water in the carburetor.
Husband: Ha! What makes you think so? You don't even know what a carburetor is!
Wife: That's true. Even so, I insist there's water in the carburetor.
Husband: We'll see about that! Where is the car right now?
Wife: At the bottom of a swimming pool.
Rupert Grint: Mom! Mom! I just got a part in the new Harry Potter movie!
Mom: Are you serious?
Rupert: No, I'm Ron Weasley!
Mexico can barely field an Olympic team. Anyone who can run, jump or swim is in the US.
My girlfriend's son is a bloody disappointment. Guess I really should be more sensitive about her miscarriage...
Dr. Frankenstein entered a body building competition. It's unlikely that he clearly understood the purpose of the event.
Pokemon Go can be hazardous. My sister encountered an STD Pokemon the other day... she caught a Vulvasore.
The more suicidal people... the fewer suicidal people.
Woman to marriage councillor: My husband and I used to have the perfect relationship. Then the cheating began. His girlfriend started dating my boyfriend!
I received a picture of myself from a stop light camera, but sent it right back. The photographic quality was terrible and they wanted way too much money for it.
Can you believe it? A cannibal chef will boil a man's funny bone until nothing remains but juice! What a laughing stock!
Hillary Clinton has had her share of scandals. So, how do they compare to Bill's?... close, but no cigar.
The first line says it all.
* * *
Little Miss Muffet had much in common with ISIS. She too had Kurds in her way.
* * *
I recently received a degree from Palindrome University. My new professional title is Dr. Awkward.
* * *
Remember the '80s sitcom about Abraham Lincoln? It was shot before a live audience.
* * *
Job interviewer: What's your name, please.
Man applying for job: Stteevvven Sttutuartt.
Interviewer: Pardon? Would you repeat that, please?
Man: Stteevvven Sttutuartt.
Interviewer: Sir... do you have a stammer?
Man: No... but my father did. And the county registrar was an anal asshole.
* * *
There are dozens of hot air balloon businesses in our area, so I thought I'd buck the trend and start a cold air balloon business. Alas, I've had all sorts of trouble getting it off the ground.
* * *
The home of a prominent attorney was invaded by a second-story man. There was a terrible struggle... in the end, the burglar couldn't avoid being robbed.
* * *
I could have won the Junior Olympics if it weren't for you medalling kids!
* * *
The prostitute I was with last night died in the middle of the session. What a windfall! The whole next hour was free!
* * *
After the war, Sargent Schmidt from Stuttgart became an animal doctor. He was the city's first veteran Aryan.
* * *
It starts with an E...
It ends with an E...
It has only one letter:
Envelope.
* * *
A wife calls her husband:
Wife: The car won't start. There's water in the carburetor.
Husband: Ha! What makes you think so? You don't even know what a carburetor is!
Wife: That's true. Even so, I insist there's water in the carburetor.
Husband: We'll see about that! Where is the car right now?
Wife: At the bottom of a swimming pool.
* * *
Rupert Grint: Mom! Mom! I just got a part in the new Harry Potter movie!
Mom: Are you serious?
Rupert: No, I'm Ron Weasley!
* * *
Mexico can barely field an Olympic team. Anyone who can run, jump or swim is in the US.
* * *
My girlfriend's son is a bloody disappointment. Guess I really should be more sensitive about her miscarriage...
* * *
Dr. Frankenstein entered a body building competition. It's unlikely that he clearly understood the purpose of the event.
* * *
Pokemon Go can be hazardous. My sister encountered an STD Pokemon the other day... she caught a Vulvasore.
* * *
The more suicidal people... the fewer suicidal people.
* * *
Woman to marriage councillor: My husband and I used to have the perfect relationship. Then the cheating began. His girlfriend started dating my boyfriend!
* * *
I received a picture of myself from a stop light camera, but sent it right back. The photographic quality was terrible and they wanted way too much money for it.
* * *
Can you believe it? A cannibal chef will boil a man's funny bone until nothing remains but juice! What a laughing stock!
* * *
Hillary Clinton has had her share of scandals. So, how do they compare to Bill's?... close, but no cigar.
