Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
My wife discovered some letters I'd been hiding... irrefutable evidence that I was cheating.
She was furious... swore she'd never play Scrabble with me again.
I have sex almost every night: almost on Monday... almost on Tuesday... almost on Wednesday...
Motorcycle cop: Sorry to have pulled you over, Father. We're looking for a child molester.
Priest: Oh, I'm definitely interested! But I won't be available until next week.
The Quran is a lot like weed: set it on fire, and you're sure to get stoned.
Library patron: Do you have that book about men with small schlongs?
Librarian (checking her files): Hmmm... I'm not sure it's in yet.
Patron: Yep. That's the title, all right.
After several years of failed crops, Old MacDonald will have to sell his farm. He E-I-E-I owes.
A professional limbo dancer walks into a bar. Needless to say, he's disqualified.
What do you call a gorilla with a banana in each ear?
Anything you want... he won't be able to hear you.
My girlfriend makes me want to be a better man. If I was, I could get myself a better girlfriend.
Most astronomers have tuned into "Game of Thrones". They're eager to check out the dwarf star.
What do "The Sixth Sense" and "Game of Thrones" have in common?
Icy dead people.
The first thing I notice when I open up my wallet is a picture of my wife and children. It reminds me why there's no money inside.
Degenerate Joe, the town flasher, has considered retiring. Not just yet, though... he plans to stick it out for one more year.
Last night, a single engine private plane crashed into a cemetery. Authorities report that 500 bodies have been recovered and that thousands more may still be found.
I just saw a dance routine called The Electric Chair . The execution was fantastic!
My neighbors disapprove of my anti-ink stance. They figure it makes me erasist.
Ever read Trump's "Art of the Deal"? Strange book... it starts and ends at chapter 11.
I went to a drag race the other day. Who would have believed those guys could run so fast in heels!
I did a 6.9 with my girlfriend last night... mutual fun, interrupted by a period.
If you want to start a conversation, bring up Global Warming. It's a guaranteed ice breaker.
As a Republican, I fear for my safety if Hilary wins. Perhaps I'll move to Benghazi... at least I know she won't be coming after me.
If Hilary wins, what does Bill become?
The First Laddie.
She was furious... swore she'd never play Scrabble with me again.
* * *
I have sex almost every night: almost on Monday... almost on Tuesday... almost on Wednesday...
* * *
Motorcycle cop: Sorry to have pulled you over, Father. We're looking for a child molester.
Priest: Oh, I'm definitely interested! But I won't be available until next week.
* * *
The Quran is a lot like weed: set it on fire, and you're sure to get stoned.
* * *
Library patron: Do you have that book about men with small schlongs?
Librarian (checking her files): Hmmm... I'm not sure it's in yet.
Patron: Yep. That's the title, all right.
* * *
After several years of failed crops, Old MacDonald will have to sell his farm. He E-I-E-I owes.
* * *
A professional limbo dancer walks into a bar. Needless to say, he's disqualified.
* * *
What do you call a gorilla with a banana in each ear?
Anything you want... he won't be able to hear you.
* * *
My girlfriend makes me want to be a better man. If I was, I could get myself a better girlfriend.
* * *
Most astronomers have tuned into "Game of Thrones". They're eager to check out the dwarf star.
* * *
What do "The Sixth Sense" and "Game of Thrones" have in common?
Icy dead people.
* * *
The first thing I notice when I open up my wallet is a picture of my wife and children. It reminds me why there's no money inside.
* * *
Degenerate Joe, the town flasher, has considered retiring. Not just yet, though... he plans to stick it out for one more year.
* * *
Last night, a single engine private plane crashed into a cemetery. Authorities report that 500 bodies have been recovered and that thousands more may still be found.
* * *
I just saw a dance routine called The Electric Chair . The execution was fantastic!
* * *
My neighbors disapprove of my anti-ink stance. They figure it makes me erasist.
* * *
Ever read Trump's "Art of the Deal"? Strange book... it starts and ends at chapter 11.
* * *
I went to a drag race the other day. Who would have believed those guys could run so fast in heels!
* * *
I did a 6.9 with my girlfriend last night... mutual fun, interrupted by a period.
* * *
If you want to start a conversation, bring up Global Warming. It's a guaranteed ice breaker.
* * *
As a Republican, I fear for my safety if Hilary wins. Perhaps I'll move to Benghazi... at least I know she won't be coming after me.
* * *
If Hilary wins, what does Bill become?
The First Laddie.
