Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
My exact double approached me to warn that I'd been cloned. Was I angry? I was beside myself!
A man enters a French bakery.
"I need me some bread," he drawls.
"Certainly sir," relies the clerk. "Baguette?"
"Well a'course!" the man smirks. "How else you expect me ta get it home?"
It's hardly a surprise that Peter Pan is always flying. His home base is Neverland.
I've started selling magazines to help supply our local sports team with proper footwear. My goal is ten issues.
He: "Hey girl! There's a party in my pants and you're invited!"
She: "Sorry. I don't participate in search parties."
Never store more than one piece of cutlery in a drawer. Place two or more together, and they start conniving.
I used to be able to moonwalk like Michael Jackson. Man, that really takes me back!
As a rule, black people don't take cruise ship vacations. None of them plan to fall for that again.
I don't even know this Rorschach guy! Why'd he paint so many pictures of my parents having sex?
How do you knit a suit of armor?
Use steel wool.
Henny Youngman walks into a rest room. He's only there for comic relief.
Pet owner: "My parrot was awfully sick yesterday. You've examined him for hours... what shape's he in now?"
Vet: "Polygon."
I enjoy cooking dogs and children. On the other hand I hate using commas.
A stage magician's sleeves burst into flames during a dangerous trick. Not only is the club suing him for damages, but the cops arrested him for possessing unlicensed fire arms.
My wife wanted me to get a baby monitor for our infant son. I did, but I still don't think it's a proper pet for a child.
A Spaniard just can't say no to shellfish! It is, after all, si-food.
I went to the Air and Space Museum today. Damn place is completely empty!
An Indian potentate spent a fortune on a vault for his valuables, but not one penny for his wife's clothes. His attitude is "Better safe than sari."
Nowadays, Kim Jong Un does all his pooping in the freezer. It's his ongoing obsession to produce an icy BM.
I took my old junker to Kars For Kids... got eight youngsters in exchange.
Rumor has it that producers have cast Samuel L. Jackson in a new Lord of the Rings reboot in order to obtain racial diversity. He'll be playing Tolkein Black Guy.
A blind man boards a bus with his service dog. The woman he sits alongside glares at the animal and snarls, "Get that beast away from me! I can feel fleas crawling on me already!"
"We'll move then," the blind man replies. "I wouldn't want Rex to catch fleas."
* * *
A man enters a French bakery.
"I need me some bread," he drawls.
"Certainly sir," relies the clerk. "Baguette?"
"Well a'course!" the man smirks. "How else you expect me ta get it home?"
* * *
It's hardly a surprise that Peter Pan is always flying. His home base is Neverland.
* * *
I've started selling magazines to help supply our local sports team with proper footwear. My goal is ten issues.
* * *
He: "Hey girl! There's a party in my pants and you're invited!"
She: "Sorry. I don't participate in search parties."
* * *
Never store more than one piece of cutlery in a drawer. Place two or more together, and they start conniving.
* * *
I used to be able to moonwalk like Michael Jackson. Man, that really takes me back!
* * *
As a rule, black people don't take cruise ship vacations. None of them plan to fall for that again.
* * *
I don't even know this Rorschach guy! Why'd he paint so many pictures of my parents having sex?
* * *
How do you knit a suit of armor?
Use steel wool.
* * *
Henny Youngman walks into a rest room. He's only there for comic relief.
* * *
Pet owner: "My parrot was awfully sick yesterday. You've examined him for hours... what shape's he in now?"
Vet: "Polygon."
* * *
I enjoy cooking dogs and children. On the other hand I hate using commas.
* * *
A stage magician's sleeves burst into flames during a dangerous trick. Not only is the club suing him for damages, but the cops arrested him for possessing unlicensed fire arms.
* * *
My wife wanted me to get a baby monitor for our infant son. I did, but I still don't think it's a proper pet for a child.
* * *
A Spaniard just can't say no to shellfish! It is, after all, si-food.
* * *
I went to the Air and Space Museum today. Damn place is completely empty!
* * *
An Indian potentate spent a fortune on a vault for his valuables, but not one penny for his wife's clothes. His attitude is "Better safe than sari."
* * *
Nowadays, Kim Jong Un does all his pooping in the freezer. It's his ongoing obsession to produce an icy BM.
* * *
I took my old junker to Kars For Kids... got eight youngsters in exchange.
* * *
Rumor has it that producers have cast Samuel L. Jackson in a new Lord of the Rings reboot in order to obtain racial diversity. He'll be playing Tolkein Black Guy.
* * *
A blind man boards a bus with his service dog. The woman he sits alongside glares at the animal and snarls, "Get that beast away from me! I can feel fleas crawling on me already!"
"We'll move then," the blind man replies. "I wouldn't want Rex to catch fleas."
