Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Gregor Mendel, the pioneering geneticist, once tried to crossbreed a centipede with a parrot. He was way ahead of his time, trying to invent the first walkie-talkie.
A word to first-time lovers: if you feel it's a little rash, be warned... it could be gonorrhea.
"In New Orleans, anything goes! Have you ever traveled there?"
"Only on a Cajun."
Getting diapers right is a crucial job of early parenthood. You can't half-ass it.
Designers are working on a game they claim will be twice as good as Fortnite. They're calling it Month.
The difference between our church and our library: the library occupies two floors; the church is a one story building.
The prostitute I visited refused to perform orally for me. Turns out she had a terrible speech impediment.
Hear about the music promoters who needed security for their metal concert? They hired some off-duty coppers.
I've been lovesick all week long... early stages of syphilis, I think.
To Belle's astonishment, the talking appliances in the Beast's kitchen suddenly went on strike and marched up to his chamber door to demand a negotiation. Just let that sink in!
Q: Which bathtub toy is constantly stealing soap?
A: The robber ducky.
I feel so sorry for my brother! He had an excruciating accident in which he broke three of his fingers! On the other hand, he's not suffering any pain.
I want to play a game called Russian Roulette! From what I hear, it's mind blowing!
The guy who invented the roach clip must really have been annoyed... the term "pot holder" had already been taken.
Today I had an out-of-body experience! I was so excited I was beside myself!
Q: Which Batman villain was broken from the start?
A: Harvey Dent.
If you're interested in a girl, make sure to get her a bottle of tonic water! She'll be Schwepped off her feet!
Don't throw any more hand grenades into the nursery; we already have enough baby boomers.
This past year I've lost my brother, my girlfriend and my grandmother. Let me tell you, it hasn't been easy; making those deaths look accidental was a lot harder than you'd think.
The drink most often associated with OJ Simpson is orange juice. That's inappropriate; it should be guilt tea.
None of my kids have Facebook accounts. Damn it, now I'll never know when their birthdays are!
"I can't stand my wife! She's driving me to drink!"
"Count your blessings. Mine makes me walk."
* * *
A word to first-time lovers: if you feel it's a little rash, be warned... it could be gonorrhea.
* * *
"In New Orleans, anything goes! Have you ever traveled there?"
"Only on a Cajun."
* * *
Getting diapers right is a crucial job of early parenthood. You can't half-ass it.
* * *
Designers are working on a game they claim will be twice as good as Fortnite. They're calling it Month.
* * *
The difference between our church and our library: the library occupies two floors; the church is a one story building.
* * *
The prostitute I visited refused to perform orally for me. Turns out she had a terrible speech impediment.
* * *
Hear about the music promoters who needed security for their metal concert? They hired some off-duty coppers.
* * *
I've been lovesick all week long... early stages of syphilis, I think.
* * *
To Belle's astonishment, the talking appliances in the Beast's kitchen suddenly went on strike and marched up to his chamber door to demand a negotiation. Just let that sink in!
* * *
Q: Which bathtub toy is constantly stealing soap?
A: The robber ducky.
* * *
I feel so sorry for my brother! He had an excruciating accident in which he broke three of his fingers! On the other hand, he's not suffering any pain.
* * *
I want to play a game called Russian Roulette! From what I hear, it's mind blowing!
* * *
The guy who invented the roach clip must really have been annoyed... the term "pot holder" had already been taken.
* * *
Today I had an out-of-body experience! I was so excited I was beside myself!
* * *
Q: Which Batman villain was broken from the start?
A: Harvey Dent.
* * *
If you're interested in a girl, make sure to get her a bottle of tonic water! She'll be Schwepped off her feet!
* * *
Don't throw any more hand grenades into the nursery; we already have enough baby boomers.
* * *
This past year I've lost my brother, my girlfriend and my grandmother. Let me tell you, it hasn't been easy; making those deaths look accidental was a lot harder than you'd think.
* * *
The drink most often associated with OJ Simpson is orange juice. That's inappropriate; it should be guilt tea.
* * *
None of my kids have Facebook accounts. Damn it, now I'll never know when their birthdays are!
* * *
"I can't stand my wife! She's driving me to drink!"
"Count your blessings. Mine makes me walk."
