Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Fact: The platypus lactates but also lays eggs.
Conclusion: Buy one and you'll have a never-ending source of omelets!
A kiss from a llama might be disgusting, but it's not the end of the world. You should, however, worry about the alpaca lips.
My sister wants to turn gay strictly for the culture. She's eager to seem sapphisticated.
My job in a bacteriological lab was no better than prison! I want nothing more to do with cell culture!
"I've invented a new code in which all the vowels have number designations. 'A' will be '8', 'E' will be '5', 'I' will be '4', 'U' will be '6' and 'Y' will be '2'."
"Uh, you've forgotten one, haven't you?"
"Thanks for reminding me! That one is the control letter. It will be represented by a zero. So, what do you think?"
"Man, what a weird 'O'."
My wife irritated me by asking if she could run her fingers through my hair. Damn it! She knows I only have the one!
Genie: "I shall grant you three wishes, Master!"
Aladdin: "Great! My first wish is that you get rid of all the lawyers!"
Genie: "Swell idea! Well, see you 'round, kid!"
Aladdin: "Hey! You said I got three wishes!"
Genie: "So sue me."
On the whole, I don't care for casinos. Slot machines are for suckers and you'll leave the roulette wheel broke. However, the craps table is something else again! I can describe it in one simple word: paradise!
The concert pianist was unable to purchase groceries... he'd forgotten his Chopin /Liszt.
Almost all the characters in the Harry Potter novels are well developed... all except Nearly Headless Nick. I thought he was poorly executed.
Everyone in the Guardians of the Galaxy is offended by Rocket Raccoon. He's forever talking trash.
Q: How did Chicken Little get his name?
A: He actually came up with that himself. He didn't care much for the one his parents gave him: Dinky Cock.
According to paleontologists, some early humans wandered aimlessly around the world until they ended up in Europe. No wonder they were known as Meanderthals!
I love playing basketball with my son! Six-month olds fit through the hoop so neatly!
Two blondes wonder around a forest for hours, trying to find the perfect Christmas tree. Finally one of them turns to the other a says, "I'm sick of this! Let's just take one of these that don't have decorations!"
The circus clown flopped down on a platform to rest, not knowing that was where the elephant performed. What a faux pas... I've never seen him so depressed.
The Roman Army offered Julius Caesar a laurel crown; unfortunately, he let it go to his head.
No astronaut has ever gotten sick in outer space. That's to be expected... they do their best work when they aren't under the weather.
If you want stylish clothing, talk to a calf... they're so easily suede.
I sent my son to a fancy university in Europe, but so far he's spent all his time in foreign bordellos. Evidently I misunderstood him when he told me he wanted to study a broad.
Anakin Skywalker could have become a great Jedi, but chose to prostitute himself to the Sith for evil power. He's now one of the ***** Forcemen.
Conclusion: Buy one and you'll have a never-ending source of omelets!
* * *
I'm so old now I sometimes forget which way my boxer shorts are supposed to go. Fortunately, there's a simple guideline: yellow in front, brown in back.* * *
A kiss from a llama might be disgusting, but it's not the end of the world. You should, however, worry about the alpaca lips.
* * *
My sister wants to turn gay strictly for the culture. She's eager to seem sapphisticated.
* * *
My job in a bacteriological lab was no better than prison! I want nothing more to do with cell culture!
* * *
"I've invented a new code in which all the vowels have number designations. 'A' will be '8', 'E' will be '5', 'I' will be '4', 'U' will be '6' and 'Y' will be '2'."
"Uh, you've forgotten one, haven't you?"
"Thanks for reminding me! That one is the control letter. It will be represented by a zero. So, what do you think?"
"Man, what a weird 'O'."
* * *
My wife irritated me by asking if she could run her fingers through my hair. Damn it! She knows I only have the one!
* * *
Genie: "I shall grant you three wishes, Master!"
Aladdin: "Great! My first wish is that you get rid of all the lawyers!"
Genie: "Swell idea! Well, see you 'round, kid!"
Aladdin: "Hey! You said I got three wishes!"
Genie: "So sue me."
* * *
On the whole, I don't care for casinos. Slot machines are for suckers and you'll leave the roulette wheel broke. However, the craps table is something else again! I can describe it in one simple word: paradise!
* * *
The concert pianist was unable to purchase groceries... he'd forgotten his Chopin /Liszt.
* * *
Almost all the characters in the Harry Potter novels are well developed... all except Nearly Headless Nick. I thought he was poorly executed.
* * *
Everyone in the Guardians of the Galaxy is offended by Rocket Raccoon. He's forever talking trash.
* * *
Q: How did Chicken Little get his name?
A: He actually came up with that himself. He didn't care much for the one his parents gave him: Dinky Cock.
* * *
According to paleontologists, some early humans wandered aimlessly around the world until they ended up in Europe. No wonder they were known as Meanderthals!
* * *
I love playing basketball with my son! Six-month olds fit through the hoop so neatly!
* * *
Two blondes wonder around a forest for hours, trying to find the perfect Christmas tree. Finally one of them turns to the other a says, "I'm sick of this! Let's just take one of these that don't have decorations!"
* * *
The circus clown flopped down on a platform to rest, not knowing that was where the elephant performed. What a faux pas... I've never seen him so depressed.
* * *
The Roman Army offered Julius Caesar a laurel crown; unfortunately, he let it go to his head.
* * *
No astronaut has ever gotten sick in outer space. That's to be expected... they do their best work when they aren't under the weather.
* * *
If you want stylish clothing, talk to a calf... they're so easily suede.
* * *
I sent my son to a fancy university in Europe, but so far he's spent all his time in foreign bordellos. Evidently I misunderstood him when he told me he wanted to study a broad.
* * *
Anakin Skywalker could have become a great Jedi, but chose to prostitute himself to the Sith for evil power. He's now one of the ***** Forcemen.
