Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Every room in our house has its uses, but it's in the bedroom that the magic happens! I say I want sex, and Presto! My wife disappears!
"I thought you were a physician, not an astrologer! How am I supposed to trust someone who tells me Mercury is in Uranus?"
"Pay attention! You're going to need immediate medical help! I just broke the thermometer while taking your temperature!"
At present, our local aquarium has only one little fish. I won't lie... it's a crappie display.
Q: Why is it we only get important work done Monday-Friday?
A: Because Saturday and Sunday are weakened.
My granddad probably wouldn't have survived World War II if he hadn't been hidden away by a sympathetic German lass. He found her living in Cleveland.
One day, Janet went downtown, only to catch Michael picking his nose.
"Get the petite!" she recommended. The rest is history.
During my trip to Arizona, I visited the famous Meteor Crater landmark. My God, it took my breath away! It's beyond amazing how close that rock landed to the visitor's center!
Q: Why don't kids in China celebrate Christmas?
A: They know there's no Santa Claus... they're the ones who make all the toys.
She was never more than a moonshiner's daughter, yet I love her still!
Genghis Khan, the Mongol warlord, is one of the most famous men in all of history. He totally overshadows his less well-known brother, the one who made a living cheating rich old ladies out of their fortunes. You know, Genghis Con.
Do you really find Stevie Wonder all that impressive? I could do his act with my eyes closed!
Q: Which piece of meat in a butcher's shop brings in the most money?
A: The butcher's thumb.
I just don't feel safe in my neighborhood anymore: too many people are keeping pit bulls inside their houses these days.
Q: What's the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?
A: One of them comes from India; the other is an elephant.
I've watched every one of the "Saw" movies. I now refer to it as the "Seen" franchise.
My brother watched all nine of the "Saw" movies back-to-back in one sitting. He seems to think that's special, but it's not the first time a chain "Saw" has been associated with horror movies.
Q: Why did Aaron Rogers' wife sue for divorce?
A: He was finished for the year after four-play.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I've always had a problem telling retired skateboard champ Tony Hawks from renowned physicist Stephen Hawking. To be fair, they both made extensive use of ramps.
Nobody really knows what effect a strict vegetarian diet has on your insides. That's because whatever happens in vegans, stays in vegans.
I was out for my jog yesterday, when I chanced upon a fellow with a familiar face.
"Hey!" I yelled out suddenly, "I know you! You're Jimmy Johnson, the punk who used to beat the snot out of me when we were in third grade!" And to pay him back for the abuse, I whacked him into an unconscious heap.
It wasn't until later that it occurred to me: "Oh, wait a minute! He should have grown up too!"
The grasshopper may have tremendous athletic ability, bounding powerfully from leaf to leaf, while the spider displays extraordinary skill and artistry in weaving her web, but such active pursuits are not for the humble scholar, the bookworm. To seek him out, you must go to the local library, where you'll find him forever burrowing books.
Everyone keeps saying Aaron Rogers never made it past four snaps. This is such an error! They entirely forget about his Achilles!
* * *
"I thought you were a physician, not an astrologer! How am I supposed to trust someone who tells me Mercury is in Uranus?"
"Pay attention! You're going to need immediate medical help! I just broke the thermometer while taking your temperature!"
* * *
At present, our local aquarium has only one little fish. I won't lie... it's a crappie display.
* * *
Q: Why is it we only get important work done Monday-Friday?
A: Because Saturday and Sunday are weakened.
* * *
My granddad probably wouldn't have survived World War II if he hadn't been hidden away by a sympathetic German lass. He found her living in Cleveland.
* * *
One day, Janet went downtown, only to catch Michael picking his nose.
"Get the petite!" she recommended. The rest is history.
* * *
During my trip to Arizona, I visited the famous Meteor Crater landmark. My God, it took my breath away! It's beyond amazing how close that rock landed to the visitor's center!
* * *
Q: Why don't kids in China celebrate Christmas?
A: They know there's no Santa Claus... they're the ones who make all the toys.
* * *
She was never more than a moonshiner's daughter, yet I love her still!
* * *
Genghis Khan, the Mongol warlord, is one of the most famous men in all of history. He totally overshadows his less well-known brother, the one who made a living cheating rich old ladies out of their fortunes. You know, Genghis Con.
* * *
Do you really find Stevie Wonder all that impressive? I could do his act with my eyes closed!
* * *
Q: Which piece of meat in a butcher's shop brings in the most money?
A: The butcher's thumb.
* * *
I just don't feel safe in my neighborhood anymore: too many people are keeping pit bulls inside their houses these days.
* * *
Q: What's the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?
A: One of them comes from India; the other is an elephant.
* * *
I've watched every one of the "Saw" movies. I now refer to it as the "Seen" franchise.
* * *
My brother watched all nine of the "Saw" movies back-to-back in one sitting. He seems to think that's special, but it's not the first time a chain "Saw" has been associated with horror movies.
* * *
Q: Why did Aaron Rogers' wife sue for divorce?
A: He was finished for the year after four-play.
* * *
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I've always had a problem telling retired skateboard champ Tony Hawks from renowned physicist Stephen Hawking. To be fair, they both made extensive use of ramps.
* * *
Nobody really knows what effect a strict vegetarian diet has on your insides. That's because whatever happens in vegans, stays in vegans.
* * *
I was out for my jog yesterday, when I chanced upon a fellow with a familiar face.
"Hey!" I yelled out suddenly, "I know you! You're Jimmy Johnson, the punk who used to beat the snot out of me when we were in third grade!" And to pay him back for the abuse, I whacked him into an unconscious heap.
It wasn't until later that it occurred to me: "Oh, wait a minute! He should have grown up too!"
* * *
The grasshopper may have tremendous athletic ability, bounding powerfully from leaf to leaf, while the spider displays extraordinary skill and artistry in weaving her web, but such active pursuits are not for the humble scholar, the bookworm. To seek him out, you must go to the local library, where you'll find him forever burrowing books.
* * *
Everyone keeps saying Aaron Rogers never made it past four snaps. This is such an error! They entirely forget about his Achilles!
