Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
In Victorian England, factory owners used to employ children for the most dangerous jobs. It wasn't as cruel as it sounds... they were only capable of taking minor injuries.
My brother found a newborn baby in an overseas airport. It cost very little for him to bring it home... fortunately, it was doody free.
One of the Muppets was discovered dead backstage. Authorities think Frank Oz may have had a hand in it.
Chances are good that our local mafia don has dementia... he just made me an offer I couldn't understand.
Ancient Greek equestrians were extremely accomplished... sometimes it was difficult to tell where the man stopped and the horse began. But most scholars suggest it was in the centaur.
Our office manager was just killed and the police found the murder weapon almost immediately. It was a brief case.
Blonde: "Help! My house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Where are you?"
Blonde: "Inside!"
Dispatcher: "No, I mean how do we get there?"
Blonde: "Don't you have a fire truck?"
I lost three fingers in a car crash. In desperation, I wailed, "Doctor, will I ever be able to use this hand to write again?"
"Maybe," the surgeon replied, "But I wouldn't count on it."
An anime girls will always order way too much food. That's because her eyes are bigger than her stomach.
My Yugo just doubled in value... I put in a full tank of gas.
My Yugo has a heated rear window. That's a courtesy feature... it keeps my hands warm while I'm pushing.
When my woke, atheist sister says I'm a Christian hypocrite for owning a gun when none are mentioned in the Bible, I'm quick to remind her: St. Paul sent a pistol to the Romans.
"You're a hypocrite!"
"And proud of it! Hippocrates was a great man... I'm honored to follow in his footsteps!"
My online copy of "Origin of Species" isn't as complete as it should be. A link is missing.
The Queen Mary 2 sails close to a remote south seas island. Onboard, one of the tourists notices a raggedy man emerge from a cave onto the beach, waving frantically and shouting.
"Captain," she enquires, "shouldn't you do something about that?"
"Ignore him," the captain replies. "He's harmless... just some crazy cruise ship fan. Does this every time we pass by."
If any creatures exist on the moon, they're certainly hairless... the moon spends half a month waxing.
Now that Bill Cosby's been released from prison, he's made plans for a celebration party. Hopeful female guests should take note: the invitations are already passed out.
A man is walking past a bordello. Through the window, a wild orgy can be seen. Fascinated, he stops and taps on the glass, asking, "How much?"
"Three hundred bucks," replies the madam.
"Really!" the man marvels. "That's pretty expensive. Is it bulletproof?"
On hot summer days, swarms of mosquitos can be found at the base of the Eiffel Tower, while clouds more prowl the upper levels. I'd hoped for better from a famous Paris site!
My wife tells me that our daughter's ballet troupe will be using leotards in their recital. So, I had to pull her out... I'm sure the show will be exciting, but dancing that close to wild animals is just plain dangerous.
Quentin Tarantino can't use commercial airlines. The very idea of being close to 35,000 feet would give him a heart attack.
I've heard that human beings use only 10% of their brains. Makes you wonder what the other half is there for.
* * *
My brother found a newborn baby in an overseas airport. It cost very little for him to bring it home... fortunately, it was doody free.
* * *
One of the Muppets was discovered dead backstage. Authorities think Frank Oz may have had a hand in it.
* * *
Chances are good that our local mafia don has dementia... he just made me an offer I couldn't understand.
* * *
Ancient Greek equestrians were extremely accomplished... sometimes it was difficult to tell where the man stopped and the horse began. But most scholars suggest it was in the centaur.
* * *
Our office manager was just killed and the police found the murder weapon almost immediately. It was a brief case.
* * *
Blonde: "Help! My house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Where are you?"
Blonde: "Inside!"
Dispatcher: "No, I mean how do we get there?"
Blonde: "Don't you have a fire truck?"
* * *
I lost three fingers in a car crash. In desperation, I wailed, "Doctor, will I ever be able to use this hand to write again?"
"Maybe," the surgeon replied, "But I wouldn't count on it."
* * *
An anime girls will always order way too much food. That's because her eyes are bigger than her stomach.
* * *
My Yugo just doubled in value... I put in a full tank of gas.
* * *
My Yugo has a heated rear window. That's a courtesy feature... it keeps my hands warm while I'm pushing.
* * *
When my woke, atheist sister says I'm a Christian hypocrite for owning a gun when none are mentioned in the Bible, I'm quick to remind her: St. Paul sent a pistol to the Romans.
* * *
"You're a hypocrite!"
"And proud of it! Hippocrates was a great man... I'm honored to follow in his footsteps!"
* * *
My online copy of "Origin of Species" isn't as complete as it should be. A link is missing.
* * *
The Queen Mary 2 sails close to a remote south seas island. Onboard, one of the tourists notices a raggedy man emerge from a cave onto the beach, waving frantically and shouting.
"Captain," she enquires, "shouldn't you do something about that?"
"Ignore him," the captain replies. "He's harmless... just some crazy cruise ship fan. Does this every time we pass by."
* * *
If any creatures exist on the moon, they're certainly hairless... the moon spends half a month waxing.
* * *
Now that Bill Cosby's been released from prison, he's made plans for a celebration party. Hopeful female guests should take note: the invitations are already passed out.
* * *
A man is walking past a bordello. Through the window, a wild orgy can be seen. Fascinated, he stops and taps on the glass, asking, "How much?"
"Three hundred bucks," replies the madam.
"Really!" the man marvels. "That's pretty expensive. Is it bulletproof?"
* * *
On hot summer days, swarms of mosquitos can be found at the base of the Eiffel Tower, while clouds more prowl the upper levels. I'd hoped for better from a famous Paris site!
* * *
My wife tells me that our daughter's ballet troupe will be using leotards in their recital. So, I had to pull her out... I'm sure the show will be exciting, but dancing that close to wild animals is just plain dangerous.
* * *
Quentin Tarantino can't use commercial airlines. The very idea of being close to 35,000 feet would give him a heart attack.
* * *
I've heard that human beings use only 10% of their brains. Makes you wonder what the other half is there for.
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