Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Some schlongs are more impressive than others, but no one can have a 12 inch penis. Once you reach 12 inches, it's a foot.
I hold the World's Record for the smallest penis ever. Don't think you can challenge me... it's really hard to beat.
A lot of people can't stand Hillary Clinton. Judging by her behavior at the 911 memorial ceremony, she can't stand herself.
It's no use... I'll never become a successful shepherd. Every time I try to take inventory, I fall asleep.
I haven't been to the doctor yet, but I suspect my spine's in bad shape. Call it a hunch.
Beware of dermatologists. They make rash decisions.
My wife left a note on the refrigerator reading: "This just isn't working. I'm going home to Mother."
I don't know why she's bothering my mother-in-law... I checked the fridge myself and it's running fine.
I never knew it was so tough to be a little person! Just heard about a poll that claims six out of seven dwarves aren't happy.
I finally admitted to Mom it was me who broke her antique lamp. She'll never see me in the same light again.
Why was the "P" irate?
Seems his peg leg made him go "R".
Paddy is desperately seeking a parking space. He looks heavenward and cries, "Lord, grant me a spot and I swear I'll never again touch Irish whiskey for the rest o' me life!"
Miraculously, a place opens before him.
He gazes upward once more and declares, "Never y'mind! I found one!"
I wouldn't have thought it, but Adolph Hitler evidently had a favorite videogame. It's called Mein Kraft.
Two filled donuts decided to divorce. There was an ugly custardy battle.
Husband: Grab the suitcases! I won 5 million dollars in the lottery!
Wife: How marvelous! Should I pack for the mountains or the beach?
Husband: I couldn't care less! Just get out!
Straw Hat burned my Hawaiian pizza today. Dummies! They should have put it on aloha setting!
Some thug tore the middle pages out of my dictionary! It just goes from bad to worse!
A pair of termites walk into a restaurant and request a table for two.
A railroad employee murdered seven passengers, but managed to avoid the electric chair. Turned out he was a very bad conductor.
A husband relaxes on his porch while his wife knocks herself out mowing the lawn. An old biddy surveys the scene with disdain. Finally she can't restrain herself.
"Young man!" she fumes. "You should be hung!"
"I am!" replies the man jovially. "That's why she's working so hard!"
Sometime during the night, somebody dumped a load of dirt in the middle of my flower bed. Aha! The plot thickens!
Don't try to disguise a Samsung as an iPhone. The cover is sure to be blown.
Let's say Trump and Hillary are both drowning. You have scant seconds, and can save only one of them. So...
... which television program would you go home and watch?
* * *
I hold the World's Record for the smallest penis ever. Don't think you can challenge me... it's really hard to beat.
* * *
A lot of people can't stand Hillary Clinton. Judging by her behavior at the 911 memorial ceremony, she can't stand herself.
* * *
It's no use... I'll never become a successful shepherd. Every time I try to take inventory, I fall asleep.
* * *
I haven't been to the doctor yet, but I suspect my spine's in bad shape. Call it a hunch.
* * *
Beware of dermatologists. They make rash decisions.
* * *
My wife left a note on the refrigerator reading: "This just isn't working. I'm going home to Mother."
I don't know why she's bothering my mother-in-law... I checked the fridge myself and it's running fine.
* * *
I never knew it was so tough to be a little person! Just heard about a poll that claims six out of seven dwarves aren't happy.
* * *
I finally admitted to Mom it was me who broke her antique lamp. She'll never see me in the same light again.
* * *
Why was the "P" irate?
Seems his peg leg made him go "R".
* * *
Paddy is desperately seeking a parking space. He looks heavenward and cries, "Lord, grant me a spot and I swear I'll never again touch Irish whiskey for the rest o' me life!"
Miraculously, a place opens before him.
He gazes upward once more and declares, "Never y'mind! I found one!"
* * *
I wouldn't have thought it, but Adolph Hitler evidently had a favorite videogame. It's called Mein Kraft.
* * *
Two filled donuts decided to divorce. There was an ugly custardy battle.
* * *
Husband: Grab the suitcases! I won 5 million dollars in the lottery!
Wife: How marvelous! Should I pack for the mountains or the beach?
Husband: I couldn't care less! Just get out!
* * *
Straw Hat burned my Hawaiian pizza today. Dummies! They should have put it on aloha setting!
* * *
Some thug tore the middle pages out of my dictionary! It just goes from bad to worse!
* * *
A pair of termites walk into a restaurant and request a table for two.
* * *
A railroad employee murdered seven passengers, but managed to avoid the electric chair. Turned out he was a very bad conductor.
* * *
A husband relaxes on his porch while his wife knocks herself out mowing the lawn. An old biddy surveys the scene with disdain. Finally she can't restrain herself.
"Young man!" she fumes. "You should be hung!"
"I am!" replies the man jovially. "That's why she's working so hard!"
* * *
Sometime during the night, somebody dumped a load of dirt in the middle of my flower bed. Aha! The plot thickens!
* * *
Don't try to disguise a Samsung as an iPhone. The cover is sure to be blown.
* * *
Let's say Trump and Hillary are both drowning. You have scant seconds, and can save only one of them. So...
... which television program would you go home and watch?
