Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
Ordinarily, wood floats. That doesn't apply, of course, to Natalie Wood.
I doubt alcohol is really the answer. It's hard to tell, because I can't remember the question.
Q: Who's more content, a man with 10 children or a man with 10 million dollars?
A: The man with 10 children. He will not want anymore.
Hear about the orchestra leader who murdered his wife? Authorities decided to hang him instead of sending him to the electric chair... turns out he was a poor conductor.
I bought some cheap-o toy construction bricks for my son, but once assembled he couldn't get them apart. They wouldn't Lego.
My busty girlfriend got herself an animal-striped brassiere. It's a z-bra.
It's true there's no "I" in "team". There is, however, an "M" and an "E", which is just as good.
I'd like to make a rabbit pie, but the butcher shop doesn't carry rabbit meat. Fortunately, our town also has a pet shop.
"Why are you wearing one brown sock and one blue sock?"
"My wife must buy 'em that way. I have another pair just like it at home."
I adhere to the maxim: "Do something you love and you'll never work a day in you life." That's why I do heroin.
What was Herman Göring's favorite breakfast?
Luftwaffles.
I wish my wife were more like her sister. She doesn't have one.
Hopefully, Anthony Weiner will find Jesus in prison. Now that his political career is over, he might even become a Catholic priest!
It's important to have standards. I think they're so critical, I have double standards.
God gave man a brain. He also gave him a penis. Unfortunately He didn't provide enough blood to work them both at the same time.
Hugh Hefner passed away Wednesday at the Playboy Mansion. One might say he's gone to a better place, but I'm not sure that's possible.
Hef accomplished quite a feat. He proved every one of our mothers wrong: we didn't go blind.
Never let anyone tell you you're worthless. You'll soon work that out for yourself.
Teacher: "If you had 15 jelly beans and I asked you for 5, how many would you have left?"
Little Johnny: "15. I really love jelly beans."
My brother is an astro-janitor who services the outside of the International Space Station. His official title is "Vacuum Cleaner".
Customer: "Is this bug spray good for ants?"
Clerk: "Not at all. It kills them."
A couple go out to eat in a fancy restaurant. When the food arrives, the husband beams, "Hey, that looks great!" and immediately digs in.
His wife looks on disapprovingly.
"At home," she snips, "we always offer a little prayer to God first."
"No need for that here!" the man says between bites. "This chef knows what he's doing!"
* * *
I doubt alcohol is really the answer. It's hard to tell, because I can't remember the question.
* * *
Q: Who's more content, a man with 10 children or a man with 10 million dollars?
A: The man with 10 children. He will not want anymore.
* * *
Hear about the orchestra leader who murdered his wife? Authorities decided to hang him instead of sending him to the electric chair... turns out he was a poor conductor.
* * *
I bought some cheap-o toy construction bricks for my son, but once assembled he couldn't get them apart. They wouldn't Lego.
* * *
My busty girlfriend got herself an animal-striped brassiere. It's a z-bra.
* * *
It's true there's no "I" in "team". There is, however, an "M" and an "E", which is just as good.
* * *
I'd like to make a rabbit pie, but the butcher shop doesn't carry rabbit meat. Fortunately, our town also has a pet shop.
* * *
"Why are you wearing one brown sock and one blue sock?"
"My wife must buy 'em that way. I have another pair just like it at home."
* * *
I adhere to the maxim: "Do something you love and you'll never work a day in you life." That's why I do heroin.
* * *
What was Herman Göring's favorite breakfast?
Luftwaffles.
* * *
I wish my wife were more like her sister. She doesn't have one.
* * *
Hopefully, Anthony Weiner will find Jesus in prison. Now that his political career is over, he might even become a Catholic priest!
* * *
It's important to have standards. I think they're so critical, I have double standards.
* * *
God gave man a brain. He also gave him a penis. Unfortunately He didn't provide enough blood to work them both at the same time.
* * *
Hugh Hefner passed away Wednesday at the Playboy Mansion. One might say he's gone to a better place, but I'm not sure that's possible.
* * *
Hef accomplished quite a feat. He proved every one of our mothers wrong: we didn't go blind.
* * *
Never let anyone tell you you're worthless. You'll soon work that out for yourself.
* * *
Teacher: "If you had 15 jelly beans and I asked you for 5, how many would you have left?"
Little Johnny: "15. I really love jelly beans."
* * *
My brother is an astro-janitor who services the outside of the International Space Station. His official title is "Vacuum Cleaner".
* * *
Customer: "Is this bug spray good for ants?"
Clerk: "Not at all. It kills them."
* * *
A couple go out to eat in a fancy restaurant. When the food arrives, the husband beams, "Hey, that looks great!" and immediately digs in.
His wife looks on disapprovingly.
"At home," she snips, "we always offer a little prayer to God first."
"No need for that here!" the man says between bites. "This chef knows what he's doing!"
