Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
I used to feel like I was a male trapped inside the body of a female. Happily, a few months later, I was born.
Two blondes, driving to Disneyland, approach a fork in the road. A sign states: "Disneyland, left". Disappointed, they turn around and head home.
It took 30 years, but they finally figured out why I wheeze and sneeze all the time. Turns out I'm allergic to kleenex.
Samsung's Galaxy Note 7... the smartphone endorsed by Michael Bay!
It occurred to me that perhaps every nation on Earth has ninjas. It's just that Japanese ninjas are the worst at it.
A grizzly bear saunters into a bar.
Bear: Let me have a gin...... and tonic.
Bartender: Sure, buddy. But why the long pause?
Bear: I was just...... born with 'em.
The US Constitution grants us the right to bear arms. Why we can't use the rest of the carcass is beyond me.
There's a useless piece of tissue at the end of every penis. Women refer to it as a man.
My ornithologist pal drives me crazy with his bird puns. But toucan play at that game.
The starship Enterprise flew far too close to a black hole. Kirk clearly didn't understand the gravity of the situation.
My village is so puny, it can't support more'n a single, solitary prostitute. Yep... one *****'s town, all right.
I was attacked by a bear yesterday. Fortunately, it had lost all its teeth. It was a gummy bear.
My neighbor opened up a kosher lemonade stand. Expect to see acidic juice.
One twin had a vasectomy, the other didn't. They may look exactly the same, but let me tell you... there's a vas deferens.
Constipation isn't my absolute favorite subject for humor, but it's a solid number two!
An escaped killer whale showed up at a nude beach. Authorities got swamped hunting for Free Willy.
I was on the toilet when the earthquake hit. Scared the shit outta me!
What is E.T. short for?
You saw the film! He has tiny little legs!
I just purchased some Bigfoot repellant. Well... it's a camera, actually.
In physics class, I was eager to find out what happened before The Big Bang. But I couldn't... there wasn't any time.
A wife comes home with four cases of beer, three jugs of wine, a bottle of whisky, a liter of vodka and two loaves of bread.
Husband: Are we having a party tonight?
Wife: No.
Husband: Then why'd you buy so damned much bread?
I'm convinced the human race is insane. Our brains have two lobes... in the left lobe, nothing is right. And the right lobe? Nothing's left!
* * *
Two blondes, driving to Disneyland, approach a fork in the road. A sign states: "Disneyland, left". Disappointed, they turn around and head home.
* * *
It took 30 years, but they finally figured out why I wheeze and sneeze all the time. Turns out I'm allergic to kleenex.
* * *
Samsung's Galaxy Note 7... the smartphone endorsed by Michael Bay!
* * *
It occurred to me that perhaps every nation on Earth has ninjas. It's just that Japanese ninjas are the worst at it.
* * *
A grizzly bear saunters into a bar.
Bear: Let me have a gin...... and tonic.
Bartender: Sure, buddy. But why the long pause?
Bear: I was just...... born with 'em.
* * *
The US Constitution grants us the right to bear arms. Why we can't use the rest of the carcass is beyond me.
* * *
There's a useless piece of tissue at the end of every penis. Women refer to it as a man.
* * *
My ornithologist pal drives me crazy with his bird puns. But toucan play at that game.
* * *
The starship Enterprise flew far too close to a black hole. Kirk clearly didn't understand the gravity of the situation.
* * *
My village is so puny, it can't support more'n a single, solitary prostitute. Yep... one *****'s town, all right.
* * *
I was attacked by a bear yesterday. Fortunately, it had lost all its teeth. It was a gummy bear.
* * *
My neighbor opened up a kosher lemonade stand. Expect to see acidic juice.
* * *
One twin had a vasectomy, the other didn't. They may look exactly the same, but let me tell you... there's a vas deferens.
* * *
Constipation isn't my absolute favorite subject for humor, but it's a solid number two!
* * *
An escaped killer whale showed up at a nude beach. Authorities got swamped hunting for Free Willy.
* * *
I was on the toilet when the earthquake hit. Scared the shit outta me!
* * *
What is E.T. short for?
You saw the film! He has tiny little legs!
* * *
I just purchased some Bigfoot repellant. Well... it's a camera, actually.
* * *
In physics class, I was eager to find out what happened before The Big Bang. But I couldn't... there wasn't any time.
* * *
A wife comes home with four cases of beer, three jugs of wine, a bottle of whisky, a liter of vodka and two loaves of bread.
Husband: Are we having a party tonight?
Wife: No.
Husband: Then why'd you buy so damned much bread?
* * *
I'm convinced the human race is insane. Our brains have two lobes... in the left lobe, nothing is right. And the right lobe? Nothing's left!
