Funny things to say to get out of jury duty

[bethaknee]

Alright, ya'll. I've had quite the crappy last few weeks. And to top it off, Monday I received a lovely jury summons letter. So, with that in mind, I'm starting this thread to cheer me up a bit. Please post anything funny that comes to mind that might be said to get me out of jury duty. This is inspired by a friend I made here on the forums that suggested some rather amusing things. Disclaimer (because I know someone will say something if I don't): This is for amusement purposes only.

And...go!

 

[milagros317]

One of my uncles was on jury duty and noted each potential juror was being asked, "Is $5 million dollars a lot of money?" and they were all answering "Yes."

The selection was for a civil case, the lawyer asking that question being the attorney of a driver's insurance company that stood to pay the damages that might be awarded.

When his turn came he said, "Well, to an ordinary person like me, $5 million IS quite a fortune, but to a big insurance company it's only pocket change."

Within a minute, he was on his way home, excused from serving.

 

[bethaknee]

One of my uncles was on jury duty and noted each potential juror was being asked, "Is $5 million dollars a lot of money?" and they were all answering "Yes."

The selection was for a civil case, the lawyer asking that question being the attorney of a driver's insurance company that stood to pay the damages that might be awarded.

When his turn came he said, "Well, to an ordinary person like me, $5 million IS quite a fortune, but to a big insurance company it's only pocket change."

Within a minute, he was on his way home, excused from serving.

That's pretty good. 😀

 

[boing!]

Funny things to say to get out of jury duty
"Okay, somebody tell me why Hitler was soooo bad."
"That dude from 'Everybody Loves Raymond' did that on 'The Good Wife!' Guilty as fuck!"
"Just disagree with the other jurors and you keep raking in sweet ten dollar bills everyday!"
"That negro acts a little too uppity if you ask me."
"Nice dress, judge. Who are you wearing?"
"I can't wait to be on Nancy Grace!"
"If we get sequestered, will our rooms have pay-per-view porn?"
"The Kennedy Assassination was really virtual reality beamed down from Martians!"
"I'd give the death penalty for gay marriage. Stoning... The way Jesus did it."
"That lawyer is hot! Wonder if she gives head?"
"If Rush Limbaugh said it was illegal, I'll ditto that right here!"
"So this is where you can get that legal marijuana, right?"

 

[bethaknee]

Funny things to say to get out of jury duty
"Okay, somebody tell me why Hitler was soooo bad."
"That dude from 'Everybody Loves Raymond' did that on 'The Good Wife!' Guilty as fuck!"
"Just disagree with the other jurors and you keep raking in sweet ten dollar bills everyday!"
"That negro acts a little too uppity if you ask me."
"Nice dress, judge. Who are you wearing?"
"I can't wait to be on Nancy Grace!"
"If we get sequestered, will our rooms have pay-per-view porn?"
"The Kennedy Assassination was really virtual reality beamed down from Martians!"
"I'd give the death penalty for gay marriage. Stoning... The way Jesus did it."
"That lawyer is hot! Wonder if she gives head?"
"If Rush Limbaugh said it was illegal, I'll ditto that right here!"
"So this is where you can get that legal marijuana, right?"

Love this. I think my favorite is the "Nice dress, judge". 🙂