Gay Problem: Did I do the right thing? (DISCUSS)

[Journia]

So, this evening, I was waiting in the train station, reading a Men's Fitness Magazine, and a man walked up to me. He asked me the time, and I gave an estimate, as I don't carry a watch.

The man was about fifty years old or so. Very well kept in form and in dress. Nothing like the hooligans in the

He then asked me for my number, so that we could meet up. I almost didn't hear him, because I'm actually partially deaf in one ear. Now, this is how the conversation went.

"Hey, what's you number so we can meet up, you and me?"
"What?" I asked unphased as I glanced at him.
"What's your number? So we can meet up."
"Ah...is this a homosexual encounter?" I asked calmly. After all, this didn't bother me at all.
"What?" He asked as he didn't hear me the first time.
"Is this a homosexual encounter?" I repeated.
"Yeah."
"I'm not a homosexual."

He then grabbed my hand softly and began to stroke the space between my thumb and my forefinger ever so softly. "Come on, it can be our little secret."
Still not phased, I denied him again, "I'm not a homosexual."
"But it can be our little secret," he said, almost begging, but not.
"No."
"Well, then the next time I see you, maybe you'll have changed your mind..." He said as he gently freed my hand and began to walk away.
"No," I said, he stopped and turned, "I'll not have changed my mind sir, however, if we do meet again, I won't see you any differently than an equal human being." He nodded, pleased that I wasn't going to bust him out, and left.

I think I handled this wonderfully if you ask me. I never raised my voice or spoke terribly to him, nor did I grow violent. And I left him with the knowledge that, even though he was a homosexual, it did not mean that I would change how I looked at him. I wouldn't think of him as less, simply because he was a homosexual.

And I meant it.

So, from hetero- people and homo- people alike, do you think I did this right?

 

[omnislash]

From the way I see it, you acted calmly and rationally and in a non-judgemental way. Well played, sir!

 

[AdamN]

I am far from homophobic, but I think I would have had some strong words for him had he grabbed my hand. Chatting, no matter how unusual, is one thing... but do not touch me uninvited. Frankly, he'd be lucky to walk away without getting punched in the mouth.

 

[Timewarp]

Christ be proud you reacted the way you did with peace.

 

[Sorcerer Lance]

Honestly? I wish more people would react the same way you did, we'd have far less problems if people just let down those kinds of advancements like that, especially if you're not gay yourself.

 

[waddleman1]

Seems a bit goofy to be honest, but I mean you handled it just fine, I guess you just seem to talk in an overly formal manner to me 😛. Kudos on not being calm and rational though.

 

[melanie2]

hmm this was a complete stranger to you? i think you handled it marvelously...it bordered on sexual harrassment..i don't care if he was gay or straight..this rather creeped me out..

 

[the_jimmy_james]

The world would be a better place not only if people would handle these situations better, but would also stop seeing harassment everywhere.

There would be less lawyers and we can all agree on that.

 

[Jake18]

Yeah, I think grabbing your hand and stroking it was way too far.. that would have pissed me off. No one has the right to do that to a stranger, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

 

[FeatherDaemon1]

Yeah this is not a gay issue so much as a personal space issue. It is true that fortune may favor the bold, but there is a line of decorum. You don't know if that dude is carrying a taser or whatever. You don't outright belt him though that does cause problems, but a reestablishment of boundaries and verbal reprimand for the assault in clearly within your rights.

The man was clearly desperate though which is very sad. With the vast availability of partners out there for those who actually put the effort into it and are not too restrictive in their selection he had no cause whatsoever to do that.

 

[melanie2]

The world would be a better place not only if people would handle these situations better, but would also stop seeing harassment everywhere.

There would be less lawyers and we can all agree on that.

It is harrassment though..i mean a complete stranger suddenly grabs his hand? and makes advances of sorts? i admit, with FeatherDeamon, he sounds a sad, lonely man..but still it's harrassment..and i don't see harrassment everywhere, personally..but to me this sounds like it..and i wouldn't care if it were a female doing the same thing to Journia..it's a violation of his personal space, to actually touch him like that..

 

[the_jimmy_james]

Sure it is, but people really need to start looking at the actual outcome of things. The man did it, and then he left. Journia handled the whole thing like a great person. He just... didn't care.

Nothing happened, but there are still a lot of people who would think, "Hey, I could find some lawyers and make that guy pay me money OH WOW AMERICA."

Cheeeeaaaaaaap-O.

 

[mikepd]

I would have screamed "I need an adult"

 

[11225]

You did well, turning him down in a calm way. Some or most would make a wrong move when he/she encounters a situation like that and either make a scene or create a problem. (Maybe both).

If it was me, I would've been a bit clueless, but if he would touched me in an inappropriate way, I would've try to defend myself. Or if he gets too perserverance, I would've or could've shown my stern attitude.

 

[QueenBeeBeeMari]

Yes,you handled this excellently and could not have done better.I really admire how you handled it,I don't think I could have been that calm.
I also agree with Izzy that creeped me out.Not because he was a homosexual but because of the way he grabbed you.It just raises a red flag to me especially when he said this could be our little secret.I would have just been terrified.

 

[CellarDweller]

As a gay man, I have to say you handled it very well, considering he put his hands on you, which he had no right to do.

If you had reacted in a stronger way, I wouldn't have blamed you.

 

[sadi]

Journia, I think I'm with almost everyone (aside from Jamie, I 'think' :huh) in thinking you not only did a good job of handling that, but amazingly, shockingly excellent job (in my thoughts).

Though you handled that situation astoundingly well, I likely would have royally FLIPPED OUT if someone laid their hands on me! And, though you didn't react at all, which I applaud you for, him physically touching you, and continuing to pester you so: "this can be our secret" said more than once, I likely would have threatened to call the police, with my phone out, my thumb just resting on the 'TALK/SEND' button, if he didn't 'get the message' and book it - fast.

Personally, I see it as an attractive guy coming up to me, a female, and doing the same thing. Now, I might not have punched/slapped him (or kneed him in the groin when he continued 'pressing' me), but I'm not a 'touchy-feely' kind of girl, and anyone who knows me at all should likely know that.
When you say 'hug' I'm more likely to interpret it (and say, for clarification :stickout): "if by 'hug' you mean punch, then sure" :happy: *whacks you in the shoulder*.

But then again that's just me. :unsure

 

[QueenBeeBeeMari]

wow,you're a feisty little lady,aren't you..

 

[laughinggaszone]

So, this evening, I was waiting in the train station, reading a Men's Fitness Magazine, and a man walked up to me. He asked me the time, and I gave an estimate, as I don't carry a watch.

The man was about fifty years old or so. Very well kept in form and in dress. Nothing like the hooligans in the

He then asked me for my number, so that we could meet up. I almost didn't hear him, because I'm actually partially deaf in one ear. Now, this is how the conversation went.

"Hey, what's you number so we can meet up, you and me?"
"What?" I asked unphased as I glanced at him.
"What's your number? So we can meet up."
"Ah...is this a homosexual encounter?" I asked calmly. After all, this didn't bother me at all.
"What?" He asked as he didn't hear me the first time.
"Is this a homosexual encounter?" I repeated.
"Yeah."
"I'm not a homosexual."

He then grabbed my hand softly and began to stroke the space between my thumb and my forefinger ever so softly. "Come on, it can be our little secret."
Still not phased, I denied him again, "I'm not a homosexual."
"But it can be our little secret," he said, almost begging, but not.
"No."
"Well, then the next time I see you, maybe you'll have changed your mind..." He said as he gently freed my hand and began to walk away.
"No," I said, he stopped and turned, "I'll not have changed my mind sir, however, if we do meet again, I won't see you any differently than an equal human being." He nodded, pleased that I wasn't going to bust him out, and left.

I think I handled this wonderfully if you ask me. I never raised my voice or spoke terribly to him, nor did I grow violent. And I left him with the knowledge that, even though he was a homosexual, it did not mean that I would change how I looked at him. I wouldn't think of him as less, simply because he was a homosexual.

And I meant it.

So, from hetero- people and homo- people alike, do you think I did this right?

You handled it better than he deserved. His sexual orientation is of no importance. Gay or straight, he was a perv getting into your personal space.
I've been hit on by other men, and most do so the same way straight men hit on women. Unfortunately, a few are exactly like your "mr creepy." I owned a book store when I was in my late teens, and one of my customers (also in his 50's) shook my hand, stroking my palm with one of his fingers. I pulled back and set him straight; a bit more tactfully than you did, but I didn't raise my voice or use any harsh language, but I made it very clear that his behavior was inappropriate. Bottom line, people who do these kinds of things are pervs and you would do well to be careful; particularly if you are alone, and in an isolated location.
webmaster joe

 

[chode]

Who cares? Why do you need validation from anyone but yourself?

 

[PurpleStyle]

"Is this a homosexual encounter"? To which the man should have instantly turned into a floating, pink jelly fish, and replied in a very flanged and echoey voice; "This one would be pleased if you and it were to engage in homosexual anal-intercourse."

 

[Dr. Bill Kobb]

The man was about fifty years old or so. Very well kept in form and in dress.

Well, points to him for at least being a snappy dresser before he heads out for some public nuisancing, I guess.

Nothing like the hooligans in the

I can't give my honest opinion on your actions until I know more about these hooligans, though. Namely, the "in the _________"-part. Hooligans in the what, exactly?

 

[Journia]

Sorry Rick, I meant to type, Nothing like the hooligans in the neighborhood.

 

[Duke Diablo]

Hmm... if he did that to me, I would probably have started dancing around and sang:

Moj prijatelj za žene čuti neće
Jer kaže za njih nema osjećaj
A za ljepuškaste mladiće on bi prod'o i svoj dom
I zovemo ga zato pederom!

Now, seriously, you have done it marvelously. As someone who rarely hugs even his female friends in real life -> thus, needing personal space, I would have probably broken his hand. As far as I know, the next thing I know he's going to tase me, knife me, or something.

 

[Camel26]

Reading Men's Fitness...probably thought you were looking at the men...😉

As a homo, first of all, I'm pissed with this guy for being so aggressive...you said no. Move on.

Secondly, as a fellow human being, I am completely blown away by how well you handled his aggressive nature. I don't think that I would have remained as calm as you. I probably would have at least raised my voice. Kudos to you, sir! Well played..."is this a homosexual encounter?" that almost made me lose bladder control!!!