Featherdemon
3rd Level Red Feather
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2003
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Hello,
You all know of Gedan, the First Kat. Well her life has been infinitely long and she has not always been involved in sweet tickling - though it does occupy a significant part of her time.
The nature of what she was before she became a Kat still has demands on her time.
For you enjoyment, a touching moment in Gedan's life...
F,
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My life will end this night.
And I am not sad in the least. I have not a single regret about what I have said and done in the spent years of my life. I lie in my four poster bed, wrapped in coverlets and sheets, a frail and pitiable sight to be sure, waiting for my end to come – but I have an unshakeable smile on my face. I have no fear of death nor even of passing from this world, but now as the end comes I cannot help but feel just a little excited and more than a little impatient.
You think that strange huh? Not so strange as what happened to make me this way.
My name is William Johnson Turbanot. I am 87 years old and live alone in my cottage deep in the wooded fields of southern England, a place call Swatherage for those who wish to know. It is approaching mid night by my reckoning and beyond my open windows it is a beautiful, balmy evening. In my youth I had lived for you such nights for they gave unprecedented opportunities for mischief.
It is the year 1721 and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will not live to see the morning's light.
And my heart is filled with joy.
I have lived alone in this large cottage for the best part of twenty years now, with my beloved wife and both children now sleeping in Heaven. I miss them dearly but I have continued to live my life to the best of my ability in their absence. I have no grandchildren, no brothers or sisters, not a single blood relative to speak of – which is why I lie here alone on this night. My friends, those few that have stayed with me through the tumult of my life, have been and gone. We have said our goodbyes, for I have known this night was coming for a long time, and I have reassured them of my fondest feelings. I am alone, for now, and am content with my lot, with not even the barest trace of bitterness on my soul.
You wonder why I am almost eager to meet my death. It is not out of regret or remorse or even shame. It is because, on this night, I wait to be reunited with the most amazing, most magnificent person I have ever met.
I wait for Gedan – I wait for my death.
I believe some more story telling is required to bring you up to date on what I have said. Do not think for a moment that this Gedan comes to kill me, oh no. That is not in her soul. She comes tonight because of a promise made and a life saved. She comes to collect me.
It was almost fifty years ago now, back in the heady days of my youth, when Gedan came across me. At the age solid age of thirty I should have been a settled man with a wife and something to show for my years. But I was not. I was quite the opposite, in fact.
I have always lived in Swatherage, but in my earlier days I cared more for sin and chaos than peace and propriety. My mother and father still lived and supported me as much as they could and as much as my brash impatience would let them. I saw no career or role that kept my interest so I turned inwards to focus on my inner wants and desires.
In fact you would be just in saying that there were others in Swatherage who were better deserving of the chance that I got. I can think of at least a dozen better folk who needed a break more than I but what happened was out of my control. Please do not hate me for it, perhaps once you have finished reading this you will feel better for it.
I was not a monster, not by any means, and nor was I guilty of any terrible crime. I was a lazy man with money to spend and nothing to capture my mind. I fell into cycles of selfishness and became drawn to the pleasures of the flesh to distract me from the reality of my life. I still had the knowledge and education to be a good man but I guess I needed a kick start to get me going.
Well, I got much more than that on that night.
My own greed and mischief landed me in her path that night. An evening of card playing had not done me well and an inconvenient slip of my arm had revealed the cards stacked up my sleeve. To say my card companions were upset would be an understatement. They swore at me and demanded blood in recompense for my cheating.
Naturally I was disinclined to give them what they wanted, so I bolted. Flipping the table over, I broke out of the tavern with the cheated men in hot pursuit. I ran as if my life depended on it, which I'm pretty sure it was, and trusting to my physical fitness I made for the beach which lay only a few miles to the west. With a fire in my veins, I made good time and I was clear of the village before they gave up.
However, in my haste, I ran into trouble. The beaches to the west of Swatherage are known for their deadly quicksand. In the dark and too eager to avoid the lynch mob I burst through a bush and straight into a patch of quicksand. I was stuck instantly and waist deep before I knew it. Even now I can remember the horrid cold clutching of the quicksand and the torturous sense of helplessness at my fate. I lost count the number of times I shrieked for help even though I knew no one would out.
I would have died that night and the village would have been none the wiser for it had it not been for Gedan. She appeared from the bushes I'd stumbled through, stepping from the shadows like some unearthly spectre that had been lying in wait for me. I can remember with crystal clarity the words we swapped that night and the order in which they were said.
"Now, now, my sweet William," she said, still little more a silhouette to my eyes. But you have never heard a sweeter or a kinder voice. "See where you childish love of mischief and disregard for others has landed you? Had you not been so self obsessed with selfish whims you would not be in this predicament?"
For a moment I believed that it was the voice of the Reaper itself, come to claim my soul for my wicked deeds. I froze. But then I heard her giggle, a light and fairy sound that tickled my ears and brought a smile to my face. Something so sweet sounding could never be evil.
To this day I do not know what business could have brought one such as her to such a desolate and terrible place. I did not question it then and I do not now, but even without knowing who or what she was, I was infinitely blessed and relieved to see her.
"A change is needed," she said, "would you not agree? There is a sweeter and kinder man in you William Turbanot; I would like to see this man come out rather than the one now before me. What do you think, William? Can you do it? Can you rise anew?"
I stared blankly at her. I don't know for how long but I know that the feeling of the mud at stomach stirred me.
"Help me!" I begged.
Gedan crouched down before me, perfectly poised on her feet. Even through the gloom of the night, I saw her brilliant gleaming emerald eyes – fathomless and sparkling, as if some great light burned behind them. And her smile, the most perfect of smiles, sent my heart racing.
"Please!"
Gedan rose to her feet, her red hair tumbling about her shoulders as she did so. I caught smell of her – a scent unlike anything I've encountered before or since. She reached out and grabbed me with one hand about the arm. Then without a single sigh or hint of exertion she pulled me out of the sucking quicksand and lowered me carefully onto solid ground. I stood beside her, staring blankly at her.
"W-what manner of creature are you?" I asked.
"My name is Gedan."
"Thank you…for saving me."
"You are very welcome."
Standing so close to Gedan, even in this dark, I could see more of her more completely now and I realised that she not human. She was covered in the softest looking fur and had features that were akin to those of a cat. She was possessed of strength much greater than mine and with the dexterity to match.
"H-how do you know who I am?"
"I know a lot about you William."
"But how is that possible?" I asked.
"Magic," Gedan said as if the answer was obvious.
Of a sudden I was possessed with the wild urge to turn and run from her, to get away from this impossible figure but I knew that I could never out run her and that if I did, it would bring her wrath on me; or, worse than her wrath, her disappointment.
"You saved me!"
"Yes I did," Gedan said, "and what I have saved now belongs to me. I have saved a life that would have perished were it not for me. You owe me your full compliance in anything that I ask of Mr Turbanot."
I gulped. For a moment I feared what this Gedan would ask of me and wondered if it would not have been a mercy to have perished in the quicksand. But my fear was instantly assuaged by the laugh she gave when she saw my expression.
"You need not fear for what I ask," she said. "I ask only that you make the most of this second chance and become a better man."
The look on Gedan's face was so kind that I couldn't help but smile back.
"A better man, is it?" I said.
Gedan nodded. "Let go of your idleness and wanton disregard for others," she said. "Let the sweeter man hidden deep inside come out. See where this man leads you."
My smile faded a little. "You ask a lot," I said.
"No more than what I have saved," she said. "What I ask is equal to what I have done."
I frowned. "That is all you want," I said, scarcely believing what I'd heard, "for me to be a better man?"
"I want you to try."
"Why?"
"It would make me happy."
The idea of making her happy seemed vitally important as I was looking in her emerald eyes. "H-how do I do this? How do I live a better life? This is all I have known," I said.
Again, Gedan smiled. – and in all the years since I have not a smile sweeter. "By following what feels right," she said. "Your heart will tell you what the right thing to do is. You know that warm tickle of excitement you get in your belly when you make someone care about happy?"
"No," I said honestly, "I don't."
Gedan leaned in close so I could see every inch of her incredible face. She tilted her head slightly and smiled at me in a way that so sweetly and enticing that I blushed instantly. I felt suddenly naked before her and she could see everything I'd done. Her emerald eyes, so large and beautiful as if to capture a world, locked on mine. I had the peculiar sensation of feeling her in my thoughts. Then suddenly, I felt a stirring in my gut – warm and tingling, like fingers scratching lightly. I shivered and then found myself laughing giddily at the sensation.
Gedan giggled. "Are you all right William?" she asked.
"That's…weird…." I said, laughing, "but…wonderful."
"Now you know the feeling I was talking about," Gedan said and drew back with a smile on her face. "That warm feeling you felt – that is what you're looking for. You be sure to remember that feeling Mr Turbanot and it will help steer you in the right direction."
For a while I could laugh and giggle at the sensation she had put in my gut. She stood watching me, an amused smile on her face.
"What did you do to me?"
"Gave you something to remember," she said. "Live your life, William Turbanot and when you reach the end of your life I will back for you."
I frowned. "You mean I won't see you again after tonight?"
Gedan paused in mid turn, coy gleam in her eyes. "Do you want to see me again?" she asked.
Even now I can remember the excited buzz being in her company gave me. It was like her mere presence charged the air and made me smile. My words here are poor tender of the actual experience; just know that my answer was instant and insistent.
"Yes," I said. "Absolutely I do!"
"Then live your life William," she said. "Stop waiting for something to come along that you think is worthy. Go and make all you do worthy." She winked at me then. "And if you do that I will back at the end to take you with me."
"But where did you come from? Why were you here?"
But I got no answer. Just like that, Gedan was gone and I was left alone shivering. And grinning – I was grinning like an idiot.
For a little while I just stood there, staring after her. I tried looking for prints or tracks, just some small sign that I hadn't imagined her but I couldn't find anything. The only proof I had was the tingle in gut, the fact that my hairs were still standing on end and I was no longer in that cold quicksand
It was sometime before I was able to make my back home – the giggling fits were a long time in receding and it would be some days before I would wipe away the smile she had put on my face. When I got back to Swatherage, I was cautious and careful to avoid discovery but thankfully the angry card players had long since retired and the streets were safe for me to use. I hurried home, thinking only of thing.
Gedan: my saviour.
It will probably be no surprise for you to learn that as the weeks passed I dreamed about her a lot, almost every night in the beginning. They were all pleasant and in each case I woke with that wonderful tingling feeling in my gut. As the weeks turned to the months, the frequency of the dreams changed but the intensity of that feeling never did.
It took me a little longer to start making the first steps of being a bitter man. I was a thick headed man, still am I guess, but I was very resistant to change. All I could do was think about how I liked that feeling I got in my gut when I thought about Gedan. Chasing that feeling seemed more important and worth while than anything else.
And then one day, quite by accident, I stumbled across a good deed. I helped a woman who was struggling with her baskets. I didn't realise I was doing it until that wonderful warm tingle filled my gut and brought a smile to my face. I shudder to think what the woman must have thought about me, but there it was – I had found what I needed. I had found a way to keep that feeling and thus the memory of Gedan alive.
It was on that premise that I started to change. Slowly but surely, I started to see opportunities all about me to do good things. I leapt on them, revelling in the sensation of doing the right thing and at this stage, just looking for that buzz.
It wasn't long before I met the beautiful Mary who would later become my wife. I think I fell in love with the first moment I saw her. She was a miller's daughter but she was the first person since that night that had made me stop and look twice. You have never seen someone so stunning. We got on and soon enough we were married and living together.
With Mary at my side I continued to trying to change, to be a better kinder man. I will not mislead you on this - it was a very long and a very frustrating journey. I made many mistakes and there were many tears and argument before anyone would accept my attempt to change was a genuine one. I didn't blame them, still don't, because honestly I wasn't changing for them. I was changing for Gedan. On more occasions than I can recall I was on the edge of giving up and probably would have if it were not for the memory of that tingle.
Years passed by and Mary and I lived our lives together; for each other as much as with each other. I made more and more effort at being a better man and found that it became easier to do; the act of deciding what to do becoming less challenging the more I applied myself.
Soon enough Mary and I were blessed with two miracles, Alice and Edward – our two lovely children. I have not known any love like what I felt for them. It was entirely obsessive and selfish. I loved them like in ways I cannot describe and they completed me. Nothing in my life mattered to me like they did – it was…a wonderful experience.
But I could not have had that if I had remained the man I was. That much is obvious to me now and it was obvious to Mary who commented on it frequently. She would often tell me that she found the change in my behaviour nothing short of miraculous and I would just smile at her. She never asked what made me change and I never told her – in all honesty it never came up and I don't know what I would have said to her if she had asked. Not sure how she would have reacted to the whole Gedan/saviour story.
So for the years that follow I lived for my children while still looking for that buzz but time went by the strangest thing happened. I think at first I wanted to hold on that feeling because it reminded me of Gedan and that was one memory I wanted to cherish – especially how she made me feel. But as I lived my life and shared the lives of my children, I found that buzz in lots of other things and the more I found it, the less important it became.
Don't get me wrong, I still treasure the memory I have of Gedan and I wait eagerly to see if she keeps her promise, but it wasn't the same force that had driven me in the beginning. Living a good life for me had ceased to be important and instead all I cared about was living a good life for my wife and my wonderful children.
And Gedan was the source of it all.
Those two minutes in Gedan's company gave me all I needed to change my life. It seems all too good to be true. Even now I still can't help wonder about Gedan – who could have such a strong influence on my life after only a couple of minutes. And why was her happiness so important to me that I make such an effort to change? That she was not human had been instantly obvious – that soft brown fur and the feline features, the tail and the incredible strength; and her eyes, oh my, her wonderful fathomless eyes.
So my saviour was something supernatural.
So, Gedan was something supernatural. Like an Angel? Had I been saved by an Angel? And if she were an Angel why did she save me and not someone else? That question has been at the back of my mind every day since we met along with a fear that she might come back and somehow undo what she had done. What if this was a test and to fail was to end up back in that quicksand but without anyone to save me?
I hoped tonight I would get an answer to that question. Tonight I would see Gedan again and pass from this world a complete and better man.
Suddenly, the gloomy dark of my room was lit by a momentary flash of some bright light, as if lightning had flickered across my ceiling. I gave out a cry and for a few heartbeats I was senseless and paralysed. Fear and fright made me their prisoner. Slowly the after glow of the flash faded and I was able to move, though I remained in my bed, breathing heavily.
"Who is there?" I called out
No answer came back but suddenly I caught smell of a very sweet and instantly recognisable scent. It felt extraordinary, like experiencing every happy memory I've ever had all at once. It was the smell of happiness and contentment edged with a giddy sense of excitement. It was a smell I had only encountered once before.
"Are you there?" I asked, my heart beating fast in my chest.
I stared into the gloomy dark of my room, made all the blacker by the sudden flaring of that light.
"Hello, William."
The voice of Gedan, my supernatural saviour was instantly recognisable and sent giddy waves through me. I propped myself up as best I could against my bed boards, using my pillows as support. I looked down the length of my bed all the way to the far end of the room where, in front of the closed windows, stood Gedan. She was the same perfect vision of loveliness that I'd seen all those years ago; in fact she was utterly unchanged. She was wrapped in a white gown, her red hair bright light tulips. Her eyes, visible even in the gloom looked impossibly bright and full of vitality. I suddenly felt very frail and shamefully brittle.
"You came back," I said.
"Because you did it!" Gedan said and stepping forward, she clapped and laughed delightedly. It was a look of true happiness. "You really did it, you wonderful and magnificent man! You changed! Oh William, you've made me so happy!"
Gedan's smile and bright mood was infectious and soon I was grinning and then I was blushing, hearing such compliments from her. "I did, didn't I?" I said.
"Yes, you really did."
"I could only do it because of you," I said.
With a jubilant smile on her face, Gedan moved on gentle feet to left side of my bed. Her smell was intoxicating, as was the sound of her voice. She looked so clean and bright – as if nothing could despoil her.
"Oh no," she said, looking in my eyes, "you didn't change because of me William."
"Didn't I?"
"No," she said gently, "you changed for me. All that hard work, all that soul searching – you did it to make me happy." Somehow the smile on her face grew even brighter. "And you have done much more than that."
I blushed and laughed, delighted beyond words.
"I've been watching you William," she said. "I know all about what you've done – about Mary and your two wonderful children; about your struggles and the almost giving op moments. I'm here to tell you that you've done a wonderful job."
"I gave it all I could," I said, "though to be honest, in recent years, my choices and options have been limited. I am imprisoned by the sick body.
Gedan's smile softened and she took my hand in hers, patting it gently.
"You haven't changed a bit," I said. "Just as…amazing as you were the last time."
"You've changed," she sad, "so much that you're barely recognisable as the person I pulled out of the quicksand all those decades ago."
I shook my head. "I am much older now," I said. "Look at me, life all but spent and bed ridden. I must look so weak and frail in your eyes."
Gedan shook her head and squeezed my hand. "You look magnificent in my eyes," she said.
I laughed. "As magnificent as a dying frail old man can look," I said.
"That which makes you magnificent is not physical," she said and I heard tender feeling in her words. "You are twice the man you were when we last met. You have changed for the better William. Your deeds make your magnificent and nothing can change that – nothing. Not even death."
I felt a shiver of emotion run down my body but I could not say what it was. I pushed it away. "Can I ask you something?"
"Yes."
"Why did you save?"
"Because you needed saving," she said.
"I get that," I said, "but what about those who needed saving more than me?"
Gedan smiled. "If I recall you were the only person foolish enough to have run blindly into a quicksand," she said. "I pulled you out because if I didn't you would have died. Would you have left someone?"
"No, but—"
"Then you have your answer," she said. "I saved you because you needed saving. Everything else you did was on your merit, William. I may have inspired it but it was down to you to keep it going."
Her words didn't make much sense to me; either I was too old and addled to make anything out of it or I was too excited to think properly.
"So was it luck that put you on that beach at that specific moment?" I asked.
Gedan grinned. "I don't believe in luck," she said. "But I think I know what you are trying to ask. You want to know why, of all the people in the world, did I choose to save you and not someone more deserving of my aid?"
I nodded.
"All I can tell you William is that I did not save you at the cost of someone else," she said. "Even I can't meet everyone but those I do meet I like to help, if I can. I was in Swatherage for a different reason that night but when I saw you needed help I decided to do what I could to help you."
"So," I said, "what are you? I mean you're not human, are you?"
"No, I'm not," she said and a twinkle came to her eyes. "I could tell you but I think, in light of everything, it would be better if I showed you."
I frowned. "Showed me?"
Gedan giggled and nodded. "Hmm," she said. "You will not be overly interested in what I do for the majority of my time Will; I don't think it's quite your fancy, but I will give you a tour and look after for a little while."
I was about to ask for how long when I suddenly remembered why time was an issue. "Oh right," I said. "It's time for me to die, isn't it?"
"Time to move on," she said gently. "Your time here is done, William Turbanot, but I would like you to come with me for one last trip." She smiled at me and I felt my soul lift. "I promised that if you changed I would come back and take you with me. And I intend to do just that."
I smiled but the impending end of my life, while not sad, gave me pause. "Travel with you until the end," I said.
Gedan nodded.
For a few heart beats I stared into space, thinking about the sheer size of the moment that greeted me. Then with a helpless gulp I looked back up into her eyes. "When it happens," I said with a wobble in my voice, "will it hurt?"
Gedan's smile softened and her ears twitched gently. Looking into my eyes, she leaned in closer and stroked my face with one hand while holding my hand with the other. It was soft, warm brush on my old face. "Not even a little," she said, her voice as tender as any creature could voice. "I promise."
I sighed and smiled.
You won't feel a thing and I will be with when the time comes," she said. "So, my sweet William, please do not fear."
A tremble of emotion rippled through me and while I gave no voice to it, I found myself staring into Gedan's eyes. Something changed in her expression and I saw it, for a brief moment. It was as if she felt what I felt. Though it could have been a trick of the light or a sign of my illness, for a moment I saw a single tear gather in her and fall onto the bed sheets. Her smile remained constant, as did the reassuring touch of her hand.
"Thank you," I said. "When do we go?"
"Whenever you are ready," she said.
I nodded. "Then let us be off," I said, "I have been in this bed long enough."
With a nod, Gedan leaned over me and I felt the softest brush of her lips on my forehead. A rush of tingling life pulsed through me and I felt strong, like I hadn't felt before. Her kiss put a rush of warmth in my limbs that eased the fear and even the sickness that had claimed my flesh. I closed my eyes as it rushed through me and when I opened them I found that I was standing with Gedan at the foot of my bed, hand in hand with Gedan who stood smiling beside me.
"Ready?" Gedan asked, a twinkle of something wonderful in her eyes.
"I am."
"Then let us be off," she said. "One step at a time and don't look back."
I nodded and started taking the first and last steps I'd taken in many months. My life ends tonight and my heart is filled with joy.
You all know of Gedan, the First Kat. Well her life has been infinitely long and she has not always been involved in sweet tickling - though it does occupy a significant part of her time.
The nature of what she was before she became a Kat still has demands on her time.
For you enjoyment, a touching moment in Gedan's life...
F,
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My life will end this night.
And I am not sad in the least. I have not a single regret about what I have said and done in the spent years of my life. I lie in my four poster bed, wrapped in coverlets and sheets, a frail and pitiable sight to be sure, waiting for my end to come – but I have an unshakeable smile on my face. I have no fear of death nor even of passing from this world, but now as the end comes I cannot help but feel just a little excited and more than a little impatient.
You think that strange huh? Not so strange as what happened to make me this way.
My name is William Johnson Turbanot. I am 87 years old and live alone in my cottage deep in the wooded fields of southern England, a place call Swatherage for those who wish to know. It is approaching mid night by my reckoning and beyond my open windows it is a beautiful, balmy evening. In my youth I had lived for you such nights for they gave unprecedented opportunities for mischief.
It is the year 1721 and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will not live to see the morning's light.
And my heart is filled with joy.
I have lived alone in this large cottage for the best part of twenty years now, with my beloved wife and both children now sleeping in Heaven. I miss them dearly but I have continued to live my life to the best of my ability in their absence. I have no grandchildren, no brothers or sisters, not a single blood relative to speak of – which is why I lie here alone on this night. My friends, those few that have stayed with me through the tumult of my life, have been and gone. We have said our goodbyes, for I have known this night was coming for a long time, and I have reassured them of my fondest feelings. I am alone, for now, and am content with my lot, with not even the barest trace of bitterness on my soul.
You wonder why I am almost eager to meet my death. It is not out of regret or remorse or even shame. It is because, on this night, I wait to be reunited with the most amazing, most magnificent person I have ever met.
I wait for Gedan – I wait for my death.
I believe some more story telling is required to bring you up to date on what I have said. Do not think for a moment that this Gedan comes to kill me, oh no. That is not in her soul. She comes tonight because of a promise made and a life saved. She comes to collect me.
It was almost fifty years ago now, back in the heady days of my youth, when Gedan came across me. At the age solid age of thirty I should have been a settled man with a wife and something to show for my years. But I was not. I was quite the opposite, in fact.
I have always lived in Swatherage, but in my earlier days I cared more for sin and chaos than peace and propriety. My mother and father still lived and supported me as much as they could and as much as my brash impatience would let them. I saw no career or role that kept my interest so I turned inwards to focus on my inner wants and desires.
In fact you would be just in saying that there were others in Swatherage who were better deserving of the chance that I got. I can think of at least a dozen better folk who needed a break more than I but what happened was out of my control. Please do not hate me for it, perhaps once you have finished reading this you will feel better for it.
I was not a monster, not by any means, and nor was I guilty of any terrible crime. I was a lazy man with money to spend and nothing to capture my mind. I fell into cycles of selfishness and became drawn to the pleasures of the flesh to distract me from the reality of my life. I still had the knowledge and education to be a good man but I guess I needed a kick start to get me going.
Well, I got much more than that on that night.
My own greed and mischief landed me in her path that night. An evening of card playing had not done me well and an inconvenient slip of my arm had revealed the cards stacked up my sleeve. To say my card companions were upset would be an understatement. They swore at me and demanded blood in recompense for my cheating.
Naturally I was disinclined to give them what they wanted, so I bolted. Flipping the table over, I broke out of the tavern with the cheated men in hot pursuit. I ran as if my life depended on it, which I'm pretty sure it was, and trusting to my physical fitness I made for the beach which lay only a few miles to the west. With a fire in my veins, I made good time and I was clear of the village before they gave up.
However, in my haste, I ran into trouble. The beaches to the west of Swatherage are known for their deadly quicksand. In the dark and too eager to avoid the lynch mob I burst through a bush and straight into a patch of quicksand. I was stuck instantly and waist deep before I knew it. Even now I can remember the horrid cold clutching of the quicksand and the torturous sense of helplessness at my fate. I lost count the number of times I shrieked for help even though I knew no one would out.
I would have died that night and the village would have been none the wiser for it had it not been for Gedan. She appeared from the bushes I'd stumbled through, stepping from the shadows like some unearthly spectre that had been lying in wait for me. I can remember with crystal clarity the words we swapped that night and the order in which they were said.
"Now, now, my sweet William," she said, still little more a silhouette to my eyes. But you have never heard a sweeter or a kinder voice. "See where you childish love of mischief and disregard for others has landed you? Had you not been so self obsessed with selfish whims you would not be in this predicament?"
For a moment I believed that it was the voice of the Reaper itself, come to claim my soul for my wicked deeds. I froze. But then I heard her giggle, a light and fairy sound that tickled my ears and brought a smile to my face. Something so sweet sounding could never be evil.
To this day I do not know what business could have brought one such as her to such a desolate and terrible place. I did not question it then and I do not now, but even without knowing who or what she was, I was infinitely blessed and relieved to see her.
"A change is needed," she said, "would you not agree? There is a sweeter and kinder man in you William Turbanot; I would like to see this man come out rather than the one now before me. What do you think, William? Can you do it? Can you rise anew?"
I stared blankly at her. I don't know for how long but I know that the feeling of the mud at stomach stirred me.
"Help me!" I begged.
Gedan crouched down before me, perfectly poised on her feet. Even through the gloom of the night, I saw her brilliant gleaming emerald eyes – fathomless and sparkling, as if some great light burned behind them. And her smile, the most perfect of smiles, sent my heart racing.
"Please!"
Gedan rose to her feet, her red hair tumbling about her shoulders as she did so. I caught smell of her – a scent unlike anything I've encountered before or since. She reached out and grabbed me with one hand about the arm. Then without a single sigh or hint of exertion she pulled me out of the sucking quicksand and lowered me carefully onto solid ground. I stood beside her, staring blankly at her.
"W-what manner of creature are you?" I asked.
"My name is Gedan."
"Thank you…for saving me."
"You are very welcome."
Standing so close to Gedan, even in this dark, I could see more of her more completely now and I realised that she not human. She was covered in the softest looking fur and had features that were akin to those of a cat. She was possessed of strength much greater than mine and with the dexterity to match.
"H-how do you know who I am?"
"I know a lot about you William."
"But how is that possible?" I asked.
"Magic," Gedan said as if the answer was obvious.
Of a sudden I was possessed with the wild urge to turn and run from her, to get away from this impossible figure but I knew that I could never out run her and that if I did, it would bring her wrath on me; or, worse than her wrath, her disappointment.
"You saved me!"
"Yes I did," Gedan said, "and what I have saved now belongs to me. I have saved a life that would have perished were it not for me. You owe me your full compliance in anything that I ask of Mr Turbanot."
I gulped. For a moment I feared what this Gedan would ask of me and wondered if it would not have been a mercy to have perished in the quicksand. But my fear was instantly assuaged by the laugh she gave when she saw my expression.
"You need not fear for what I ask," she said. "I ask only that you make the most of this second chance and become a better man."
The look on Gedan's face was so kind that I couldn't help but smile back.
"A better man, is it?" I said.
Gedan nodded. "Let go of your idleness and wanton disregard for others," she said. "Let the sweeter man hidden deep inside come out. See where this man leads you."
My smile faded a little. "You ask a lot," I said.
"No more than what I have saved," she said. "What I ask is equal to what I have done."
I frowned. "That is all you want," I said, scarcely believing what I'd heard, "for me to be a better man?"
"I want you to try."
"Why?"
"It would make me happy."
The idea of making her happy seemed vitally important as I was looking in her emerald eyes. "H-how do I do this? How do I live a better life? This is all I have known," I said.
Again, Gedan smiled. – and in all the years since I have not a smile sweeter. "By following what feels right," she said. "Your heart will tell you what the right thing to do is. You know that warm tickle of excitement you get in your belly when you make someone care about happy?"
"No," I said honestly, "I don't."
Gedan leaned in close so I could see every inch of her incredible face. She tilted her head slightly and smiled at me in a way that so sweetly and enticing that I blushed instantly. I felt suddenly naked before her and she could see everything I'd done. Her emerald eyes, so large and beautiful as if to capture a world, locked on mine. I had the peculiar sensation of feeling her in my thoughts. Then suddenly, I felt a stirring in my gut – warm and tingling, like fingers scratching lightly. I shivered and then found myself laughing giddily at the sensation.
Gedan giggled. "Are you all right William?" she asked.
"That's…weird…." I said, laughing, "but…wonderful."
"Now you know the feeling I was talking about," Gedan said and drew back with a smile on her face. "That warm feeling you felt – that is what you're looking for. You be sure to remember that feeling Mr Turbanot and it will help steer you in the right direction."
For a while I could laugh and giggle at the sensation she had put in my gut. She stood watching me, an amused smile on her face.
"What did you do to me?"
"Gave you something to remember," she said. "Live your life, William Turbanot and when you reach the end of your life I will back for you."
I frowned. "You mean I won't see you again after tonight?"
Gedan paused in mid turn, coy gleam in her eyes. "Do you want to see me again?" she asked.
Even now I can remember the excited buzz being in her company gave me. It was like her mere presence charged the air and made me smile. My words here are poor tender of the actual experience; just know that my answer was instant and insistent.
"Yes," I said. "Absolutely I do!"
"Then live your life William," she said. "Stop waiting for something to come along that you think is worthy. Go and make all you do worthy." She winked at me then. "And if you do that I will back at the end to take you with me."
"But where did you come from? Why were you here?"
But I got no answer. Just like that, Gedan was gone and I was left alone shivering. And grinning – I was grinning like an idiot.
For a little while I just stood there, staring after her. I tried looking for prints or tracks, just some small sign that I hadn't imagined her but I couldn't find anything. The only proof I had was the tingle in gut, the fact that my hairs were still standing on end and I was no longer in that cold quicksand
It was sometime before I was able to make my back home – the giggling fits were a long time in receding and it would be some days before I would wipe away the smile she had put on my face. When I got back to Swatherage, I was cautious and careful to avoid discovery but thankfully the angry card players had long since retired and the streets were safe for me to use. I hurried home, thinking only of thing.
Gedan: my saviour.
It will probably be no surprise for you to learn that as the weeks passed I dreamed about her a lot, almost every night in the beginning. They were all pleasant and in each case I woke with that wonderful tingling feeling in my gut. As the weeks turned to the months, the frequency of the dreams changed but the intensity of that feeling never did.
It took me a little longer to start making the first steps of being a bitter man. I was a thick headed man, still am I guess, but I was very resistant to change. All I could do was think about how I liked that feeling I got in my gut when I thought about Gedan. Chasing that feeling seemed more important and worth while than anything else.
And then one day, quite by accident, I stumbled across a good deed. I helped a woman who was struggling with her baskets. I didn't realise I was doing it until that wonderful warm tingle filled my gut and brought a smile to my face. I shudder to think what the woman must have thought about me, but there it was – I had found what I needed. I had found a way to keep that feeling and thus the memory of Gedan alive.
It was on that premise that I started to change. Slowly but surely, I started to see opportunities all about me to do good things. I leapt on them, revelling in the sensation of doing the right thing and at this stage, just looking for that buzz.
It wasn't long before I met the beautiful Mary who would later become my wife. I think I fell in love with the first moment I saw her. She was a miller's daughter but she was the first person since that night that had made me stop and look twice. You have never seen someone so stunning. We got on and soon enough we were married and living together.
With Mary at my side I continued to trying to change, to be a better kinder man. I will not mislead you on this - it was a very long and a very frustrating journey. I made many mistakes and there were many tears and argument before anyone would accept my attempt to change was a genuine one. I didn't blame them, still don't, because honestly I wasn't changing for them. I was changing for Gedan. On more occasions than I can recall I was on the edge of giving up and probably would have if it were not for the memory of that tingle.
Years passed by and Mary and I lived our lives together; for each other as much as with each other. I made more and more effort at being a better man and found that it became easier to do; the act of deciding what to do becoming less challenging the more I applied myself.
Soon enough Mary and I were blessed with two miracles, Alice and Edward – our two lovely children. I have not known any love like what I felt for them. It was entirely obsessive and selfish. I loved them like in ways I cannot describe and they completed me. Nothing in my life mattered to me like they did – it was…a wonderful experience.
But I could not have had that if I had remained the man I was. That much is obvious to me now and it was obvious to Mary who commented on it frequently. She would often tell me that she found the change in my behaviour nothing short of miraculous and I would just smile at her. She never asked what made me change and I never told her – in all honesty it never came up and I don't know what I would have said to her if she had asked. Not sure how she would have reacted to the whole Gedan/saviour story.
So for the years that follow I lived for my children while still looking for that buzz but time went by the strangest thing happened. I think at first I wanted to hold on that feeling because it reminded me of Gedan and that was one memory I wanted to cherish – especially how she made me feel. But as I lived my life and shared the lives of my children, I found that buzz in lots of other things and the more I found it, the less important it became.
Don't get me wrong, I still treasure the memory I have of Gedan and I wait eagerly to see if she keeps her promise, but it wasn't the same force that had driven me in the beginning. Living a good life for me had ceased to be important and instead all I cared about was living a good life for my wife and my wonderful children.
And Gedan was the source of it all.
Those two minutes in Gedan's company gave me all I needed to change my life. It seems all too good to be true. Even now I still can't help wonder about Gedan – who could have such a strong influence on my life after only a couple of minutes. And why was her happiness so important to me that I make such an effort to change? That she was not human had been instantly obvious – that soft brown fur and the feline features, the tail and the incredible strength; and her eyes, oh my, her wonderful fathomless eyes.
So my saviour was something supernatural.
So, Gedan was something supernatural. Like an Angel? Had I been saved by an Angel? And if she were an Angel why did she save me and not someone else? That question has been at the back of my mind every day since we met along with a fear that she might come back and somehow undo what she had done. What if this was a test and to fail was to end up back in that quicksand but without anyone to save me?
I hoped tonight I would get an answer to that question. Tonight I would see Gedan again and pass from this world a complete and better man.
Suddenly, the gloomy dark of my room was lit by a momentary flash of some bright light, as if lightning had flickered across my ceiling. I gave out a cry and for a few heartbeats I was senseless and paralysed. Fear and fright made me their prisoner. Slowly the after glow of the flash faded and I was able to move, though I remained in my bed, breathing heavily.
"Who is there?" I called out
No answer came back but suddenly I caught smell of a very sweet and instantly recognisable scent. It felt extraordinary, like experiencing every happy memory I've ever had all at once. It was the smell of happiness and contentment edged with a giddy sense of excitement. It was a smell I had only encountered once before.
"Are you there?" I asked, my heart beating fast in my chest.
I stared into the gloomy dark of my room, made all the blacker by the sudden flaring of that light.
"Hello, William."
The voice of Gedan, my supernatural saviour was instantly recognisable and sent giddy waves through me. I propped myself up as best I could against my bed boards, using my pillows as support. I looked down the length of my bed all the way to the far end of the room where, in front of the closed windows, stood Gedan. She was the same perfect vision of loveliness that I'd seen all those years ago; in fact she was utterly unchanged. She was wrapped in a white gown, her red hair bright light tulips. Her eyes, visible even in the gloom looked impossibly bright and full of vitality. I suddenly felt very frail and shamefully brittle.
"You came back," I said.
"Because you did it!" Gedan said and stepping forward, she clapped and laughed delightedly. It was a look of true happiness. "You really did it, you wonderful and magnificent man! You changed! Oh William, you've made me so happy!"
Gedan's smile and bright mood was infectious and soon I was grinning and then I was blushing, hearing such compliments from her. "I did, didn't I?" I said.
"Yes, you really did."
"I could only do it because of you," I said.
With a jubilant smile on her face, Gedan moved on gentle feet to left side of my bed. Her smell was intoxicating, as was the sound of her voice. She looked so clean and bright – as if nothing could despoil her.
"Oh no," she said, looking in my eyes, "you didn't change because of me William."
"Didn't I?"
"No," she said gently, "you changed for me. All that hard work, all that soul searching – you did it to make me happy." Somehow the smile on her face grew even brighter. "And you have done much more than that."
I blushed and laughed, delighted beyond words.
"I've been watching you William," she said. "I know all about what you've done – about Mary and your two wonderful children; about your struggles and the almost giving op moments. I'm here to tell you that you've done a wonderful job."
"I gave it all I could," I said, "though to be honest, in recent years, my choices and options have been limited. I am imprisoned by the sick body.
Gedan's smile softened and she took my hand in hers, patting it gently.
"You haven't changed a bit," I said. "Just as…amazing as you were the last time."
"You've changed," she sad, "so much that you're barely recognisable as the person I pulled out of the quicksand all those decades ago."
I shook my head. "I am much older now," I said. "Look at me, life all but spent and bed ridden. I must look so weak and frail in your eyes."
Gedan shook her head and squeezed my hand. "You look magnificent in my eyes," she said.
I laughed. "As magnificent as a dying frail old man can look," I said.
"That which makes you magnificent is not physical," she said and I heard tender feeling in her words. "You are twice the man you were when we last met. You have changed for the better William. Your deeds make your magnificent and nothing can change that – nothing. Not even death."
I felt a shiver of emotion run down my body but I could not say what it was. I pushed it away. "Can I ask you something?"
"Yes."
"Why did you save?"
"Because you needed saving," she said.
"I get that," I said, "but what about those who needed saving more than me?"
Gedan smiled. "If I recall you were the only person foolish enough to have run blindly into a quicksand," she said. "I pulled you out because if I didn't you would have died. Would you have left someone?"
"No, but—"
"Then you have your answer," she said. "I saved you because you needed saving. Everything else you did was on your merit, William. I may have inspired it but it was down to you to keep it going."
Her words didn't make much sense to me; either I was too old and addled to make anything out of it or I was too excited to think properly.
"So was it luck that put you on that beach at that specific moment?" I asked.
Gedan grinned. "I don't believe in luck," she said. "But I think I know what you are trying to ask. You want to know why, of all the people in the world, did I choose to save you and not someone more deserving of my aid?"
I nodded.
"All I can tell you William is that I did not save you at the cost of someone else," she said. "Even I can't meet everyone but those I do meet I like to help, if I can. I was in Swatherage for a different reason that night but when I saw you needed help I decided to do what I could to help you."
"So," I said, "what are you? I mean you're not human, are you?"
"No, I'm not," she said and a twinkle came to her eyes. "I could tell you but I think, in light of everything, it would be better if I showed you."
I frowned. "Showed me?"
Gedan giggled and nodded. "Hmm," she said. "You will not be overly interested in what I do for the majority of my time Will; I don't think it's quite your fancy, but I will give you a tour and look after for a little while."
I was about to ask for how long when I suddenly remembered why time was an issue. "Oh right," I said. "It's time for me to die, isn't it?"
"Time to move on," she said gently. "Your time here is done, William Turbanot, but I would like you to come with me for one last trip." She smiled at me and I felt my soul lift. "I promised that if you changed I would come back and take you with me. And I intend to do just that."
I smiled but the impending end of my life, while not sad, gave me pause. "Travel with you until the end," I said.
Gedan nodded.
For a few heart beats I stared into space, thinking about the sheer size of the moment that greeted me. Then with a helpless gulp I looked back up into her eyes. "When it happens," I said with a wobble in my voice, "will it hurt?"
Gedan's smile softened and her ears twitched gently. Looking into my eyes, she leaned in closer and stroked my face with one hand while holding my hand with the other. It was soft, warm brush on my old face. "Not even a little," she said, her voice as tender as any creature could voice. "I promise."
I sighed and smiled.
You won't feel a thing and I will be with when the time comes," she said. "So, my sweet William, please do not fear."
A tremble of emotion rippled through me and while I gave no voice to it, I found myself staring into Gedan's eyes. Something changed in her expression and I saw it, for a brief moment. It was as if she felt what I felt. Though it could have been a trick of the light or a sign of my illness, for a moment I saw a single tear gather in her and fall onto the bed sheets. Her smile remained constant, as did the reassuring touch of her hand.
"Thank you," I said. "When do we go?"
"Whenever you are ready," she said.
I nodded. "Then let us be off," I said, "I have been in this bed long enough."
With a nod, Gedan leaned over me and I felt the softest brush of her lips on my forehead. A rush of tingling life pulsed through me and I felt strong, like I hadn't felt before. Her kiss put a rush of warmth in my limbs that eased the fear and even the sickness that had claimed my flesh. I closed my eyes as it rushed through me and when I opened them I found that I was standing with Gedan at the foot of my bed, hand in hand with Gedan who stood smiling beside me.
"Ready?" Gedan asked, a twinkle of something wonderful in her eyes.
"I am."
"Then let us be off," she said. "One step at a time and don't look back."
I nodded and started taking the first and last steps I'd taken in many months. My life ends tonight and my heart is filled with joy.
