George Carlin on Being A Bad American

[kurchatovium]

A few thoughts from Comedian George Carlin:


YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN

by George Carlin

I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level
governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart
American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.

I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4 years plus, of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I'm freezing my ass off during these long winters and paying, paying,paying?

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut-the-Hell-up already.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson
practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them.

I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause. These people should be targets.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.

I believe if she has her lips on your Willie, it's sex, and this applies even if you are President of the United States.

And what the hell is going on with gas prices... again?

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

If you are a BAD American too, please forward this to everyone you know.

We need our country back!


I knew there was reason I loved this guy. Hope you guys enjoy iy.

 

[Dave2112]

That's what I've always loved about Carlin, the guy speaks his mind, but doesn't have to get offensive about it. There's such a thing as satire, and such a thing as just running off at the mouth with that whole "But I have Free Speech" excuse.

I'd love to see more comics focus on satire.

- Dave2112 (who was never a slave, never owned one, and really doesn't care anymore)

 

[Biggles of 266]

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause. These people should be targets.

yeah, those moochin' blind people! And those sickos raising money for kids with cancer! I hate it when those people try and take some of my hard-earned small change that I was probably gonna do something useful with, like stick in a jar at home, and try to make someone else's life better...

 

[Shem the Penman]

Except Carlin didn't write this, and says as much on his Web site (http://www.georgecarlin.com/georgecarlin/home/bogus.html).

See also http://www.snopes.com/language/document/carlin.htm.

 

[Dave2112]

Biggles, I think if you take what was said about the people collecting in the street in context, you'll see that no one was condoning a stoppage of charity. I believe the reference was to those endless Bake Sale, Troop 57, Send our Kids to New York sort of things. Here in Plattsburgh, we just went through a vote on a referendum to end this sort of thing. Not that people shouldn't give, but because, as it stands, pretty much anyone can just stand in the middle of the street and ask for money. In my town, they usually pick a particularly busy intersection that has a lot of accidents to begin with. Quite a few people have been struck, and the way the lights are set up, you barely have time to get one car through all the collectors before the light turns red again, creating a hellish situation on the busy Saturday mornings or Friday evenings they decide to do this sort of thing.

And, as I said, I have yet to see the intersection collectors gathering money for cancer, AIDS or anything like that. It's always for some personal function for a small group. Not that there's anything wrong with collecting donations for these lesser causes, but there are better ways to go about it. The people that do collect for the really important things rarely do so in the middle of the road, preferring to have some sort of system set up to maximize their efforts.

So, considering that this was all humor to begin with, perhaps we should just put it on context.

Just my thought.😎

 

[TklrJoe]

Penman Shem, thanks for posting those links, I was going to point that out if no one else had - this list is funny and thought-provoking, but was definitely not written by George Carlin.

 

[Biggles of 266]

Righto, I shoulda guessed that it was an American thing. In Australia there aren't people standing actually 'in' the intersection, they all hang around on the footpath (sidewalk, whatever you wanna call it 😛) and you rarely get anything but charities.

In South Africa they stand in traffic and try to sell ya stuff, I guess that's the kind of thing that Dave's talking about. Apologies to anyone who was offended by my post or whatever, I should have guessed he was talking about something different.

 

[kurchatovium]

Sorry guys a friend of mine emailed me the list I assumed he was correct when he said it was written by George Carlin. It does sound a little more like Ted Nugent to me than ole George, but I like most of what it says. Again sorry for the mix up.