c7_assassin
3rd Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2007
- Messages
- 8,720
- Points
- 0
Skywalker Ranch- George Lucas announced today that he was leaving filmmaking for good, having spent the last 35 years of his life systematically destroying the art form.
"My work here is done," said Lucas, rubbing his hands together and rocking back and forth in obvious glee.
"We've gone from a Hollywood that produced the Godfather Part II, Apocalypse Now, and Annie Hall within five years of each other, to one where Michael Bay has fifteen directoral credits and Battleship: The Movie is a real thing," said Lucas as he lit a cigar with the burning negative of Citizen Kane.
"Now their failure is complete."
Lucas described his entire career as "the most successful long-con ever," likening himself to wasp that lays eggs in a spider's brain, and whose larvae ultimately take control of the spider's body and force it to walk into the jaws of a hungry predator.
"I am the Wasp, and Film is the Spider," said Lucas.
When asked about the future Lucas said "I'm done with blockbuster films. I'm going to focus on more personal projects from now on; there's still so much art left to ruin."
Lucas paused briefly to sip wine from the skull of Irvin Kershner.
"For example, I was thinking of writing a crime novel which could spawn an immensely popular series of books that would come to define the genre for many people. Then twenty years from now, I'll go back and rewrite the first novel so that the main character was actually taking orders from little microscopic organisms in his blood the whole time! Can you imagine how much that will mess with people's heads?"
"Or what about graphic novels? I can produce one series, and then just keep commissioning new artwork on that series every single year! Make a special edition, and then an ultimate edition, and then a premium edition...hasn't anyone ever thought of this before?"
"So many mediums" said Lucas, his chin pulsing with excitement. "So many mediums left to Lucas."
"My work here is done," said Lucas, rubbing his hands together and rocking back and forth in obvious glee.
"We've gone from a Hollywood that produced the Godfather Part II, Apocalypse Now, and Annie Hall within five years of each other, to one where Michael Bay has fifteen directoral credits and Battleship: The Movie is a real thing," said Lucas as he lit a cigar with the burning negative of Citizen Kane.
"Now their failure is complete."
Lucas described his entire career as "the most successful long-con ever," likening himself to wasp that lays eggs in a spider's brain, and whose larvae ultimately take control of the spider's body and force it to walk into the jaws of a hungry predator.
"I am the Wasp, and Film is the Spider," said Lucas.
When asked about the future Lucas said "I'm done with blockbuster films. I'm going to focus on more personal projects from now on; there's still so much art left to ruin."
Lucas paused briefly to sip wine from the skull of Irvin Kershner.
"For example, I was thinking of writing a crime novel which could spawn an immensely popular series of books that would come to define the genre for many people. Then twenty years from now, I'll go back and rewrite the first novel so that the main character was actually taking orders from little microscopic organisms in his blood the whole time! Can you imagine how much that will mess with people's heads?"
"Or what about graphic novels? I can produce one series, and then just keep commissioning new artwork on that series every single year! Make a special edition, and then an ultimate edition, and then a premium edition...hasn't anyone ever thought of this before?"
"So many mediums" said Lucas, his chin pulsing with excitement. "So many mediums left to Lucas."
