Getting burned out

[chevyhs]

Hi guys. I don't really have anyone to talk to. My ex broke up with me a few months ago probably because she cheated on me and threw me away as if the past year meant nothing. I cook and cleaned and took care of the apartment and our cats every day and work my 45 hour work week. It's been almost 6 months and I'm just so angry.
Now that I think about it she really wasn't that good for me but I hurt deep into my soul. That day she broke up with me was the day my custom engagement ring for her was ready. I had to move back home with my parents which is ok. Rent free and all but I can't get any traction getting myself out again. I know I need patience but all I have are the thoughts an memories. I feel down. I don't even have anyone to tickle to make me feel better:-(

 

[Mitchell]

chevy, I'm very sorry about what happened to you. That is truly awful.

It sounds like a cliché, but, sometimes in a terrible situation, time is needed to make one feel better.

What I went though is a different situation, but also required time. I don't know if you've read my posts, but, in 2010 my mom was diagnosed with cancer, and my relationship with my best friend of 29 years, split up, because he chose to turn his back on me, for a girl he met a week earlier. My mom died in 2012, and after that, I was in a dark hole for a year plus. I was finally able to rebound, and for the past year, things have been on the upswing, knock on wood. .

I understand your anger, because I had it too. I could not understand why my mom became terminally ill, died, and a person who I loved like a brother since I was a pre teen, chose to do something so horrible.

I think, with time, things will improve for you.

If you ever want to chat, please pm me.

 

[C.A.B.]

You obviously invested more into the relationship than she did. What you are grieving about is the end of the relationship that you had created in your head and heart, not her per say in reality. There's nothing wrong with feeling sad about things not turning out as you thought they would. Time will heal you. Keep optimistic that your intentions were good and soon you will meet someone that will match those good intentions. Give yourself some time to settle into an independent routine and everything will come into perspective in a little while. Buy yourself something nice.

 

[chicago]

I don't know anyone who hasn't been cheated on at one point or another. Heart broken at one point or another. It could be worse. Learn from your experience. Don't allow it to get you down, or rent space in your head for free. Someone that would do such a thing isn't really worth it. Their issues aren't your responsibility. It's likely you will have to endure much harder circumstances at least once in your life. Let this be a lesson that 1 year is not typically sufficient time to get to know someone enough to make a decision like marriage. You're lucky to have parents that love you and help you. If you're wise, you'll be back on your feet in no time.

"All the broken hearts in the world still beat. Let's not make it harder than it has to be."

 

[BBGuy5240]

I'm so sorry.

Defiantly agree with C.A.B, it sounds like you defiantly put more effort into the Relationship than she did. And if she wasn't putting in the effort, and if she wasn't an honest person, maybe this was for the best.

I've been through a Bad Breakup. I wasn't cheated on, but it didn't end well and I was really down. She went out with me mainly because I resembled her Ex Boyfriend. I mean she was eventually honest with me, but she pretty much wasn't truthful throughout the entire relationship. After taking some time to gather my thoughts, I was like "Good Riddance". I know the situation is different because I wasn't preparing to give her a ring. So I can't honestly say I felt the same way you're currently feeling.

It's defiantly understandable to be Mad/Sad and everything else at the situation, but give yourself some time and I promise it will get better. You just need to partake in activities to help take your mind off of her. Because just staying indoors won't help the situation (Trust me I know). It could be anything, even if it's something that you do by yourself. Like for me it was going to the Gym.

And of course doing stuff with friends is the best way to get your mind off of a relationship ending.


This is one of the oldest sayings in the Book, but i do think it's true. "when one door closes, another door opens"

 

[chevyhs]

In all honesty I don't know if she cheated but was had a new bf a week later so she was probably talking with someone while we were together. She never talked about what was bothering her and when she did it was because she was unhappy with her job and lack of money but never put time into looking and never fought for more hours which put more stress on me. I wanted to take care of things at home so she could focus on school and work and go knowing that home was safe, stable, and ready for her to come home to. Cats were taken care, bills were paid, apartment clean and dinner ready. Even had stuffed animals tucked in bed waiting for her🙂 I didn't do anything wrong. I was too nice.

 

[Dussicar]

In all honesty I don't know if she cheated but was had a new bf a week later so she was probably talking with someone while we were together. She never talked about what was bothering her and when she did it was because she was unhappy with her job and lack of money but never put time into looking and never fought for more hours which put more stress on me. I wanted to take care of things at home so she could focus on school and work and go knowing that home was safe, stable, and ready for her to come home to. Cats were taken care, bills were paid, apartment clean and dinner ready. Even had stuffed animals tucked in bed waiting for her🙂 I didn't do anything wrong. I was too nice.

Yep...That's where you went wrong.

My advice: Let her discover hard drugs from this point forward. Or, at the very least, introduce her to them yourself.

Take it from me...You will feel better about your life compared to hers about ten years from now.

Trust me on this...

 

[BBGuy5240]

In all honesty I don't know if she cheated but was had a new bf a week later so she was probably talking with someone while we were together. She never talked about what was bothering her and when she did it was because she was unhappy with her job and lack of money but never put time into looking and never fought for more hours which put more stress on me. I wanted to take care of things at home so she could focus on school and work and go knowing that home was safe, stable, and ready for her to come home to. Cats were taken care, bills were paid, apartment clean and dinner ready. Even had stuffed animals tucked in bed waiting for her🙂 I didn't do anything wrong. I was too nice.

You were clearly too good for her.

If she had a New BF a week after the relationship ended, she was defiantly talking to him during your relationship.

She obviously wasn't putting in the same amount of effort that your were, and it doesn't sound like she really appreciated all the efforts you were putting in to make her happy and ease her stress.

I know you're hurt by what's happened, but going by your descriptions of how she acted, this was for the best. I get that stress can mess with your emotions, but still, she treated you like crap in my opinion. And you're probably better off.

You'll find someone that will not only make you happy, but will appreciate you going out of your way to make her happy.

Keep your head up.

 

[chicago]

No reason to make up conclusions if you're not sure. Im sure it does nothing for you're emotional state. She's clearly moved on though. Sooner you can, the better.

Ps. Defiantly / definitely. Just sayin

 

[chevyhs]

Thanks?

 

[C.A.B.]

Thanks?

You're welcome. We are glad to stop what we were doing to respond to your post. I hope its appreciated.

 

[chevyhs]

It is very much appreciated. Don't have anyone really to talk with. I'm on the forum and we all have a common interest so I thought I would start dialog here. My plans just got really messed up and wasn't anticipating starting from scratch over again. And again. I do t have much of a social life anymore so meeting people is somewhat hard. Don't know what to do, where to go etc. let alone finding a ticklish Gf

 

[duderino84]

It is very much appreciated. Don't have anyone really to talk with. I'm on the forum and we all have a common interest so I thought I would start dialog here. My plans just got really messed up and wasn't anticipating starting from scratch over again. And again. I do t have much of a social life anymore so meeting people is somewhat hard. Don't know what to do, where to go etc. let alone finding a ticklish Gf

Most girls are ticklish so I don't think you'll suffer there 😉

 

[Vanillaphant]

It sounds to me like you made the mistake (a very common one, I should think) of investing pretty much your ENTIRE identity, and presumably your sense of self-worth, into this relationship - which isn't the healthiest, most judicious way of going about things. A (romantic) relationship should ADD something positive to your life, not consume it.

I would definitely go along with what other members have advised: go out, take part in activities, try new things, meet different people etc. Even if you don't feel like it - DRAG yourself out of the house if you have to lol. Time will take care of your (understandable) anger/bitterness - just make sure it doesn't turn in on itself, so to speak.

And keep yer pecker up! (And by 'pecker' I mean chin. Or penis.)

 

[Bohemianne]

because she was unhappy with her job and lack of money...... school and work...

Oh, the fruit isn't ripe yet! IMO, it is not a good idea to make a wife out of someone who is still struggling to finish her schooling.

 

[chevyhs]

She already had her bachelors degree in Japanese culture and wanted to go back to school to become a vet tech but dropped out of that because she couldn't do the basic chemistry an biology. I took care of everything and hoped she would help out. When hours got cut at work, ok she will have more time to help out. No. Wasnt making enough money bcause of work, she didnt try and get another job no matter how much i tried to help and just out more if the financial burden on me. Never once helped keep up the apartment, or improve us. So yes if she was 20 years old going to school I would understand you comment but she was 26 with her ba degree and originally acted like she had a good head on her shoulders.

 

[Bohemianne]

She already had her bachelors degree in Japanese culture and wanted to go back to school to become a vet tech but dropped out of that because she couldn't do the basic chemistry an biology. I took care of everything and hoped she would help out. When hours got cut at work, ok she will have more time to help out. No. Wasnt making enough money bcause of work, she didnt try and get another job no matter how much i tried to help and just out more if the financial burden on me. Never once helped keep up the apartment, or improve us. So yes if she was 20 years old going to school I would understand you comment but she was 26 with her ba degree and originally acted like she had a good head on her shoulders.

Nowadays, as I talk to some friends, a 26-year old woman still wants more out of life than getting confined in an enclosed box (of premarital commitment). What happened to you could be a blessing in disguise.

 

[duderino84]

Think 5 years older than you and 5 years under you. Then you'll get used to the mental spectrum of people ten years around you.