EmeraldBlazer
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This story takes place during the college years, sometime in the seventh season. All of the characters are adults.
I tried to make this feel as if it could happen on the show, complete with sitcom laughter. Any feedback or comments would be appreciated. This is my first story and I’d love to improve my writing. Thanks for reading!
When this Boy Meets Wooooorld
Boy Meeeeeeeets World
Wandering down this road that we call life
Is what we're doin'
It's good to know I have friends that will always
Stand by me
When this Boy Meets Wooooorld
Shawn was standing in the Pennbrook University lounge ordering a coffee.
“Just give me the usual, Alonzo,” Shawn said
Alonzo stared him back from behind the counter. “You know, Shawn,” he grunted in his thick, nationally indistinguishable accent. “I give you coffee on tab for almost solid month now, yet you no pay back any of it. When will this time be?”
Shawn was taken aback. “Whoa… Alonzo,” he said coolly. “I thought these were on the house, like between friends, you know?”
Alonzo gave Shawn a stare a death.
**Audience laughter**
“No,” said Alonzo. “Drink cost money. You pay me back soon.”
“Sure, no problem,” said Shawn.
“…or you pay in blood!”
**Audience laughter**
Shawn looked on in shock. His eyes bulged in confusion and fear.
“Yo! Alonzo!” called a cocky voice from across the room.
Eric Matthews entered, full of bravado.
“I’ve got your money, right here,” boasted Eric, slamming down several bills on the counter.
Alonzo slowly lurked toward the bills, grabbed them quickly, and slinked away, all while wearing the same face of disdain.
**Audience laughter**
“Eric, hey,” said Shawn, recovered from a near death experience. “You didn’t have to do that. I could’ve handled it.”
“Nonsense, my friend,” said Eric. “I can afford these minor payments now. Your buddy Eric is rolling in the money.”
Shawn laughed. “You?”
Eric continued his sly explanation. “Yes-sir-ee. Thanks…to these!”
Eric whipped forward his hands, displaying them spread proudly in Shawn’s face.
“You know in some countries they may cut those off if you get caught,” Shawn said.
**Audience laughter**
Eric continued to keep his hands raised. “Oh no, each and every penny was earned. You are looking at the new talent in the field of…erotic massage…”
Shawn became very uncomfortable.
**Audience laughter**
“These fingers,” he continued. “Are magic to the ladies. I am in complete control…of their pure ecstasy.”
Shawn had frozen in shock. “You know, it’s really bugging me that you haven’t put those down yet.”
**Audience laughter**
“Be bothered now, Shawn,” said Eric. “But fate has spoken, and it is saying, ‘Women want your fingers!’.”
**Audience laughter**
All of a sudden, Corey came rushing through the door in panic.
“Guys, guys!” he exclaimed quietly, reaching his friends. “You’re not going to believe this!”
“Careful, Corey!” said Eric loudly. “My hands are still withdrawn. Don’t get too close… for comfort…”
**Audience laughter**
“Huh?” asked Corey.
“Ignore him,” Shawn interjected. “What’s wrong?”
“I never thought it would ever happen to me,” Corey said. “But Topanga… is having an affair.”
“Oh my gosh!” exclaimed Shawn. “How did you find out?”
“Well I don’t have any proof…” said Corey, pausing for a few seconds. “But I know it when I see it!”
“Corey,” Shawn said, comfortingly. “Topanga is crazy about you. She would never cheat. You are probably imagining things.”
“Really Shawn? REALLY?”
“Um, yeah. Really. Why don’t you tell us about it?”
“Fine,” said Corey, as the three made their way to the couch.
He began. “So Topanga and I have been arguing a bit lately. Just over little things, anything any newlywed couple might have problems with. Well, suddenly, she starts leaving the apartment every day at 3:30 sharp to catch a bus. I asked ‘Oh did you find a part time job?’ She told me she hasn’t, and she’s going to meet Angela. But everyday she leaves at the same time. So I decided to follow her. And guess where she goes?”
Shawn hesitated. “A… street corner?”
**Audience laughter**
“Worse,” said Corey. “Victoria’s Secret!”
**Suspenseful music plays**
Shawn and Eric stare in shock.
**Audience laughter**
Corey continued. “And she has been going there every day. Probably getting new outfits for this new guy.”
“You know, pretty soon they’ll know the secret. These guys!” said Eric, gesturing to his hands
**Audience laughter**
Shawn ignored him. “Why don’t you just go inside for a few minutes after she gets there? Then you’ll see her working at the counter and you won’t have to worry.”
Corey died a little inside. “Shawn, a guy can’t just walk into a Victoria’s Secret! The second they smell testosterone, BAM! Female store clerks are all over you, asking ‘Hi, can I help you?’”
**Audience laughter**
Shawn remained stone-faced. “So?”
“Shawn,” said Corey. “You can’t be a guy in Victoria’s Secret. They…” He leaned in.
“…whisper things about you…”
**Audience laughter**
“Ok, fine,” Shawn said. “Wait outside until she leaves.”
“No way!” Corey shuddered. “Because then I have to deal with…flyer girl…”
**Audience laughter**
“Flyer girl?” Shawn asked.
“Yeah,” Corey continued. “The same girl who hands out coupons outside the store everyday. She has been recognizing me. Thinking that I am some pervert who stands outside of Victoria’s Secrets!”
**Audience laughter**
“Fine,” said Shawn. “If you can’t go in, you’ll just have to confront her.”
“An adulteress is already cheating, Shawn! She’ll have no problem with lying, too!”
“Meanwhile,” interjected Eric. “Some jerk is living my dream of being surrounded by sexy women’s underwear…”
**Audience laughter**
Corey and Shawn gave him a weird glance and continued.
“I have to find a way to make her to confess, Shawn. In a way I know I can trust.”
“Like how?” Shawn asked. “Like torture or something?”
“Yes!” yelled Corey excitedly, pointing at Shawn’s mouth.
**Audience laughter**
“You can’t torture your wife,” Shawn explained. “Pretty sure that’s abuse, buddy.”
“Well I don’t want to hurt her…” said Corey slowly.
The two of them thought for a moment. Eric continued admiring his ten magic friends.
“I’ve got it!” Shawn said standing up. “Ha Ha Hannah!”
Corey had to think. “Ha Ha Hannah? That weird girl from high school who used to laugh inappropriately all the time?”
**Audience laughter**
“Yeah, I kind of dated her for a while.”
“YOU dated Ha Ha Hannah? She was so weird.”
“True. But she was kind of kinky though…”
**Audience Goes “Woooooo!”**
“Ok…” wondered Corey. “So why are you telling me this?”
“Oh,” said Shawn snapping back into reality. “Well instead of the normal making out thing, she would always have me tie her to the bed and tickle her feet like crazy. It was like torture to her, but she loved it for some reason. She would buck all over the place and couldn’t hold anything back.”
“Do you think that would get Topanga to tell you?” asked Corey.
“ME?” exclaimed Shawn. “Why me?”
“She’ll recognize my hands if she sees them. She knows them too well.”
“So let me get this straight,” Shawn said calmly. “You want me to tie up your wife and interrogate her with tickling to see if she’s cheating on you? This won’t work.”
“Do it for a friend Shawn,” pleaded Corey. “I’m desperate!”
Shawn sighed. “Fine. But there’s no way I could tie her up myself. And I’m out of practice.”
Eric arose from his seat, as Corey and Shawn finally remembered he was there.
“Gentlemen,” Eric announced. “My fingers and I will assist you. We are going to save! Your! Marriage!”
Corey took a sigh of anticipation and smiled at Shawn.
Eric continued. “Or end it…”
Corey and Shawn shot each other a look of fear.
**Audience laughter**
_________________________________________________________________________________
“I’ll be out in a second!” Eric called from the bathroom.
Shawn was standing in Corey and Topanga’s kitchen, dressed in all black. Black shoes, black shirt and pants, black gloves, and a black ski mask that was bunched up on his forehead.
“Hurry up, Eric,” called Shawn. “Corey said Topanga will be home anytime.”
The door handle started to jiggle. Caught off guard, Shawn darted into the hall closet as the key began to enter the lock. As the Shawn’s door closed, the front door opened. It was Corey, dressed in the same black outfit as Shawn, with his ski mask tucked up the same way. He looked around the room, wondering where his accomplices were. Slowly, Shawn made his way out of the closet, mask down, sneaking up behind an unsuspecting Corey. He grabbed Corey’s arms, pinning them behind his back.
“No! Wait!” Corey exclaimed. “Guys! It’s me!”
The bathroom door opened and footsteps came down the hall. Corey and Shawn both turned look. There stood Eric, dressed in a very unconvincing rabbi costume, complete with fake beard, wide brimmed hat, and long, curly peyos.
**Audience goes wild with laughter**
Both boys were awestruck.
“Eric,” Corey got out. “What are you wearing?”
“My disguise,” he said calmly behind his bushy beard.
**Audience laughter**
“Well there’s no use tickling her,” Shawn said in an annoyed tone. “Because she have laughed enough when she sees your stupid outfit.”
**Audience laughter**
“Hey,” said Eric. “She’ll never know its me, now. She knows I’m not Jewish.”
**Audience laughs harder**
Corey broke the stupor of silence. “Uh, Shawn. Would you let go of me, please?”
“Oh, sorry,” Shawn said, releasing him. “What are you doing here? I’m doing this because you were so paranoid.”
“Well I just decided to listen from the closet,” said Corey. “I have to hear her admit it myself, you know?”
“Well give Eric your disguise,” ordered Shawn. “And hurry!”
The two of them rushed to the bathroom. Shawn quickly turned around and locked the door. His body rushed. What else could he do? He did a quick survey of the room. Rope was in the sink. Wooden chair was ready next to the couch. Suddenly, he got an idea. He ran to the cabinet near the stove and grabbed the hammer and a few nails. Standing on the couch, he secured the curtain rod above the window with little extra strength. As he stepped down, he heard footsteps coming down the hallway.
“Guys!” he shouted in his loudest whisper possible. “She’s coming!”
The Matthews boys ran from around the corner. Shawn dropped the hammer on the coffee table and toward them as softly as possible. As a plain clothed Corey ducked into the closet and cracked the door, Shawn and Eric, in full, proper disguise, went back around the corner to peak around, hidden from view.
The key turned in the lock and Topanga entered, carrying a nondescript paper grocery bag. She was dressed in a nice pink blouse and long dark dress pants and black heels.
She sat the bag next to the cracked closet door. “Corey? You home?”
Corey slowly rose from his position on all fours. He tried not to make a sound and slowly peaked into the bag. Unfortunately, he couldn’t get a good look.
Topanga had made her way to the refrigerator as Shawn and Eric were creeping into the room. As they moved more and more around the edge of the refrigerator, the door closed and Shawn stopped suddenly, not to move an inch further. Eric promptly bumped directly into Shawn’s back with a loud “Oof!”
**Audience laughter**
“Shh!” whispered Shawn.
Topanga was preparing a small dinner on the table in the center of the room. “Corey? That you?”
Shawn and Eric made their move. Shawn quickly lurked behind Topanga and grabbed her arms and placed them behind her back, just as he had practiced on Corey earlier. Immediately, Eric placed his gloved hand over her mouth, muffling her yell. She jerked around and tried to run to the couch. Shawn pulled back as hard as he could and began to tie her wrists. Eric grabbed her around the waist with his free hand, before Topanga suddenly bit the one over her mouth with all her might.
“My fingers!” Eric yelled in an indistinguishable whisper.
**Audience laughter**
Corey was watching intently from the closet, making sure she was not suffering too much distress. Without realizing it, he bumped his head loudly on the closet door.
Topanga impulsively tried to look back, but was restrained by Eric’s wounded hand. She clenched her eyes shut trying to overpower him, but to no avail. Biting down on the hand again, Eric let go in pain and stumbled toward the coffee table. As she watched one of her attackers retreat, she noticed what looked like him going toward her husband’s hammer, laid out on the coffee table. Filled with fear, and knowing no one would be able to prevent them from using it on her in the time after her screams, she decided to stop struggling and comply. Shawn quickly turned her around and finished tying her hands together in front of her. Eric, who had finally fallen to the floor, grabbed an ankle with each hand.
“What do you want from me?” she asked calmly. She was too brave to cry.
Shawn and Eric lifted her up by her appendages and carried her to the couch.
“Take anything you want!” she pleaded, not losing her composure.
“Quiet,” said Shawn quietly in his best growly voice as possible.
Topanga tried to think. Nobody lived in the apartments to the left, above, or below them, and the neighbors on the other side were always gone in the evenings. No one would be able to hear her for hours.
Corey was still sitting on the closet floor, rubbing the bump on his head. As he shuffled, he pulled an umbrella from under his behind. Looking at it with annoyance, he sat it down at his side. He then rose to see how the fake abduction was going.
Shawn had tied Topanga’s ankles together through one of their kitchen chairs. Using some of Corey’s unused weights tied to the front legs, the chair was successfully immovable from the edge of the heavy couch. Her wrists were tied with rope to the now fully secured metal curtain rod above her, leaving her unable to pull her arms down below neck level. Topanga pulled down as hard as she could, even lifting her butt out off the couch a little, but she was trapped. There was nothing she could do.
“Don’t even think of touching me again,” Topanga threatened. “My husband will be home soon and he will beat the living crap out of you.”
Corey smiled and began to admire his biceps from the closet.
**Audience laughter**
“Oh yeah,” said the disguised Eric in a low rumble. “That didn’t stop you from having other men here, did it?”
“What?” asked Topanga, very confused.
Shawn gave Eric a dirty look through his mask. “Actually we only have a few questions to ask you. And we want you to be honest.”
Shawn removed Topanga’s heels, causing a cool breeze to blow across her feet. Her toes curled in and expanded back.
“Um, fine. Sure. Whatever,” she said, trying to make of it all. “You didn’t have to tie me up. But go ahead and ask.”
“You are married to Corey Matthews, are you not?” asked Shawn sinisterly.
“Yes. Oh my gosh! Is he ok?” she asked wide eyed. “Is he ok? Did you HURT HIM?”
“Uh, no.” mentioned Eric quickly. “We don’t even know WHERE he is! Heh heh heh!”
Shawn placed his hand on Eric’s shoulder to calm him down. “Do you love your husband?”
“Of course,” said Topanga, looking up at her abductors.
“Well then,” said Shawn, taking off his gloves. “Is there anything you would like to confess?”
Topanga thought. “Nope.”
“Your sure?”
“Well,” thought Topanga. “Corey does flush his you-know-what’s down the toilet after we’re done. And it’s caused the plumbing to mess up several times and no one knew it was him. Are you guys the plumbers?”
Corey rested his head on his forearm. “Great…” he muttered to himself.
**Audience laughter**
Eric coughed, muffling a laugh.
“No,” said Shawn, resting in front of Topanga’s outstretched legs. “We mean something YOU did. Or are doing.”
Topanga thought harder. “Nope. I haven’t done anything.”
Shawn ran his finger quickly up Topanga’s right sole. She let out a shriek in surprise. A chill was moving slowly through her body, causing her to lightly shake.
“You sure?” asked Shawn once last time.
“Really!” Topanga said earnestly.
“Fine,” sighed Shawn. “Have it your way…”
Shawn raked his fingers down her soft soles, then back up again. Topanga jerked into the air. “AHH! AHH! A-hahahahahaha!”
Shawn kept going. Up and down. Up and down. Soon he had found a rhythm that was causing Topanga’s high-pitched voice to come out like a madwoman. Her giggles turned into deep belly laughs.
“Plleeeaaaa-heee-hheee-heee-heeeeeeeeessssse!” she called out best she could. “Wait! Wa-hay-ait! Hahahahahahahaha.”
“C’mon, Topanga,” taunted Shawn. “Think harder.”
“How do you- ha hah! Know me? Hahaha!”
“I’ll ask the questions!” Shawn began wiggling his fingers now, up and down, over and over. Topanga was going insane with laughter. No matter how much she bucked her heels or crinkled her toes, there was no escape from her tormentor’s wriggling grasp. After a few minutes, Shawn stopped.
“You can have a break now,” he said. “But it’s not done here.”
A strange meowing noise came from the closet. Topanga was too distracted to hear, but Shawn responded immediately.
**Audience laughter**
“Uh, I…” Shawn began. “I need to…think… for a moment. My assistant will keep an eye on you.”
“Assistant?” protested Eric, almost out of character. “Partner!”
**Audience laughter**
“Right. Partner. Excuse me,” said Shawn walking toward the closet.
Corey was standing inside, beckoning him over.
“Topanga lives here, too!” Shawn whispered. “She knows you don’t have a cat!”
**Audience chuckles**
“Shawn,” Corey whispered back. “I’m worried about Topanga. This seems to really be bothering her.”
“Exactly,” whispered Shawn. “It’s tickle torture. We have to push her until she spills the beans. This is nothing. I did this to Hannah all the time. Trust me. I know what I’m doing."
Suddenly laughter erupted from across the room. Both of them looked over and saw Eric working his magic on Topanga, tickling the heels of her feet.
“A-HAhahahaHA!” cried out Topanga. “Do-ho-hoho-n’t! Hahahaha! I’m going crazy!”
“Whatever you say,” said Eric. His magic fingers made their way into Topanga’s arches.
Topanga cackled with insanity. In between long laughs she tried to breathe, but Eric’s tickling was too much for her. She tried to bend her knees and pull on the wooden chair toward her that her sensitive soles rested on. There was no use. The weights on the chair held it firmly in place.
Corey looked concerned for Topanga’s health, maybe even her mental health. Noticing Corey’s concern, Shawn stepped in.
“Stop!” he called to Eric.
Eric complied, leaving Topanga heaving, with a few chuckles still escaping.
“Answer us one question,” said Shawn matter-of-factly. “Is there something you aren’t telling your husband?”
Topanga looked at them with surprise. “Um…uh…” she choked out.
“Is there?” prodded Shawn.
“I…well…” she continued.
Shawn had had enough. “Partner, get her toes.”
Before Topanga had time to process his order, Eric had begun work. Her laughter exploded as Eric gently scratched the bottoms of her toes. The sensations were overwhelming. Topanga squirmed, trying to hold her laughs in, in hopes that she could suppress a reaction and end this nightmare. She had never felt this kind of torture before in her life.
She tried bunching them in, which caused Eric to go back to her arches. When he did, she couldn’t help spreading her toes wide again. Finally, her laughter broke free. This process repeated itself a few more times. Eric went into super speed.
Topanga lost it. Shawn stared in disbelief as Eric’s fingers moved in a blur. Topanga’s mouth hung wide open now. Her eyes bulged. Her indecipherable laughs poured out. She could take it no longer.
“Yes! Yes!” she cried.
Eric stopped to listen.
“Yes, what?” asked Shawn.
Topanga hung her head. “There is something I am keeping from Corey.”
Corey nearly fell back in shock. This was it. The woman he was madly in love with was gone from him. He felt sad, and even a little angry. What could he do?
Shawn had already sprung into action. Walking around next to Topanga, he quickly removed his ski mask before she could see his face and her stuffed it backwards over her eyes.
“Well then,” said Shawn, condescendingly. “I guess our third partner will take care of this.”
Shawn hurried to the closet, reached in, and pulled Corey out. Corey was surprised, but didn’t put up a fight as he was led across the room to his adulteress wife. Shawn lifted Topanga’s bottom, with her still strung between the chair and curtain rod, and glanced for Corey to sit down. Corey slowly filled his wife’s seat as she was placed back down on him. She rested between his legs, the back of her pressing up against his groin and chest.
Shawn opened Topanga’s blouse, button by button, until her torso was exposed completely.
“This is our third partner…uh…Torgo…” Shawn said.
**Audience Laughter**
Shawn continued. “He punishes wives who are not faithful to their husbands.”
Shawn nodded to Corey. Corey looked concerned, but finally made up his mind.
‘What?” asked Topanga. “You guys are mistaken. I haven’t…”
But before she could finish, she felt a pair of hands dig into her smooth, exposed underarms. She jumped and let out a high-pitched noise that no one knew whether to categorize as a scream or a laugh. Nevertheless, Corey massaged her soft underarms with all of his fingers, alternating between light motions and digging in intensely. Even Topanga with her mathematically inclined brain couldn’t predict when the sensations were coming. She was so affected that all she could do was give in.
“Nooooooooooohahahahahaha!” she laughed. “Plllllleeeeeeeease! Ha!”
Corey began to attack her exposed ribcage as well, causing her to thrust her hips in hope that she could avoid Corey’s torturous touch. He thrusts pressed hard against Corey’s groin when they came back, which surprisingly didn’t hurt. Soon, Corey realized that the more he tickled, and the faster, the more Topanga would grind her backside into him. Corey kept up his speed as Topanga went into hysterics. He alternated between her waist and arms, sometimes doing both. Topanga bucked relentlessly, arching her back.
Corey’s fingers were going numb, so he paused so he could flex them before continuing. Topanga gasped for breath.
“I’m not…” she huffed. “I’m not cheating. Just working a secret...secret part time job. Corey would be jealous. But we need the money.”
Corey’s eyes darted to Shawn’s and Eric’s. There was a deathly silence under Topanga’s breathing. Shawn’s mouth hung open. Corey slowly looked at his blindfolded bride.
**Audience Chuckles**
“Do you believe me?” asked a shocked Topanga.
Eric could no longer handle it. He sprinted for the door.
“Sorry for using my magic for evil, Topanga!” Eric called back.
Topanga froze.
“Eric?!” she exclaimed, but he was long gone.
She turned in Shawn’s direction.
“And Shawn!”
She paused, then slowly tried to look behind herself, despite still having her eyes covered.
“And…Corey…”
Corey gritted in fear, exposing his lower teeth and a pronounced jaw.
**Audience Laughter**
“Look, Topanga,” Shawn tried to explain. “Corey was just worried about you. Because he loves you. And he was worried you were breaking his heart.”
“Right,” Corey chimed in. “And I had to know. But I wasn’t sure you could tell me truthfully, and now I know that was stupid, and…”
“Guys!” Topanga interjected.
“Yes?” asked Corey sweetly.
“Get me out of here!”
**Audience Laughter**
Corey and Shawn immediately began untying the ropes, with Shawn at Topanga’s feet and Corey at her wrists. When she was free, she stood up quickly and took off the ski mask. Her glare was icy cold.
“Well,” said Shawn, trying to break the silence. “At least you know the truth, Corey.”
Topanga shot him a glance.
“You know,” Shawn continued, absentmindedly. “I bet now I could make Angela tell me what she did to my lucky socks…”
Topanga stopped him. “Shawn. Leave.”
Shawn quickly ran to the door, called back “Goodnight everybody!”, and left.
**Audience Laughter**
Topanga walked away from Corey toward the bedroom.
“Topanga, wait!” called Corey.
She stopped.
“I was wrong,” he said sincerely. “To not trust you. You never have lied to me before, so I was completely out of line.”
She continued to just stare.
“And if there’s anything I can do to make it up to you, name it. I mean, work wherever you want. Don’t tell me. I trust you 100% now! Really! Cheat on me now if you have to. You deserve it.”
Topanga stared back at Corey. Corey stared back, trying not to die of a heart attack. She finally broke the silence.
“I’m not going to cheat on you, Corey,” she said slowly. “I still love you very much.”
“Good,” said Corey relieved. “That’s great.”
“But,” she continued. “Don’t get too comfy when you fall asleep tonight. You may be woken up rather unexpectedly.”
**Audience Goes “Woooooo!”**
Topanga walked into the bedroom, leaving Corey standing in the same spot, hands to his sides, laughing nervously.
**Audience Laughs and Applauds**
THE END
I tried to make this feel as if it could happen on the show, complete with sitcom laughter. Any feedback or comments would be appreciated. This is my first story and I’d love to improve my writing. Thanks for reading!
When this Boy Meets Wooooorld
Boy Meeeeeeeets World
Wandering down this road that we call life
Is what we're doin'
It's good to know I have friends that will always
Stand by me
When this Boy Meets Wooooorld
Shawn was standing in the Pennbrook University lounge ordering a coffee.
“Just give me the usual, Alonzo,” Shawn said
Alonzo stared him back from behind the counter. “You know, Shawn,” he grunted in his thick, nationally indistinguishable accent. “I give you coffee on tab for almost solid month now, yet you no pay back any of it. When will this time be?”
Shawn was taken aback. “Whoa… Alonzo,” he said coolly. “I thought these were on the house, like between friends, you know?”
Alonzo gave Shawn a stare a death.
**Audience laughter**
“No,” said Alonzo. “Drink cost money. You pay me back soon.”
“Sure, no problem,” said Shawn.
“…or you pay in blood!”
**Audience laughter**
Shawn looked on in shock. His eyes bulged in confusion and fear.
“Yo! Alonzo!” called a cocky voice from across the room.
Eric Matthews entered, full of bravado.
“I’ve got your money, right here,” boasted Eric, slamming down several bills on the counter.
Alonzo slowly lurked toward the bills, grabbed them quickly, and slinked away, all while wearing the same face of disdain.
**Audience laughter**
“Eric, hey,” said Shawn, recovered from a near death experience. “You didn’t have to do that. I could’ve handled it.”
“Nonsense, my friend,” said Eric. “I can afford these minor payments now. Your buddy Eric is rolling in the money.”
Shawn laughed. “You?”
Eric continued his sly explanation. “Yes-sir-ee. Thanks…to these!”
Eric whipped forward his hands, displaying them spread proudly in Shawn’s face.
“You know in some countries they may cut those off if you get caught,” Shawn said.
**Audience laughter**
Eric continued to keep his hands raised. “Oh no, each and every penny was earned. You are looking at the new talent in the field of…erotic massage…”
Shawn became very uncomfortable.
**Audience laughter**
“These fingers,” he continued. “Are magic to the ladies. I am in complete control…of their pure ecstasy.”
Shawn had frozen in shock. “You know, it’s really bugging me that you haven’t put those down yet.”
**Audience laughter**
“Be bothered now, Shawn,” said Eric. “But fate has spoken, and it is saying, ‘Women want your fingers!’.”
**Audience laughter**
All of a sudden, Corey came rushing through the door in panic.
“Guys, guys!” he exclaimed quietly, reaching his friends. “You’re not going to believe this!”
“Careful, Corey!” said Eric loudly. “My hands are still withdrawn. Don’t get too close… for comfort…”
**Audience laughter**
“Huh?” asked Corey.
“Ignore him,” Shawn interjected. “What’s wrong?”
“I never thought it would ever happen to me,” Corey said. “But Topanga… is having an affair.”
“Oh my gosh!” exclaimed Shawn. “How did you find out?”
“Well I don’t have any proof…” said Corey, pausing for a few seconds. “But I know it when I see it!”
“Corey,” Shawn said, comfortingly. “Topanga is crazy about you. She would never cheat. You are probably imagining things.”
“Really Shawn? REALLY?”
“Um, yeah. Really. Why don’t you tell us about it?”
“Fine,” said Corey, as the three made their way to the couch.
He began. “So Topanga and I have been arguing a bit lately. Just over little things, anything any newlywed couple might have problems with. Well, suddenly, she starts leaving the apartment every day at 3:30 sharp to catch a bus. I asked ‘Oh did you find a part time job?’ She told me she hasn’t, and she’s going to meet Angela. But everyday she leaves at the same time. So I decided to follow her. And guess where she goes?”
Shawn hesitated. “A… street corner?”
**Audience laughter**
“Worse,” said Corey. “Victoria’s Secret!”
**Suspenseful music plays**
Shawn and Eric stare in shock.
**Audience laughter**
Corey continued. “And she has been going there every day. Probably getting new outfits for this new guy.”
“You know, pretty soon they’ll know the secret. These guys!” said Eric, gesturing to his hands
**Audience laughter**
Shawn ignored him. “Why don’t you just go inside for a few minutes after she gets there? Then you’ll see her working at the counter and you won’t have to worry.”
Corey died a little inside. “Shawn, a guy can’t just walk into a Victoria’s Secret! The second they smell testosterone, BAM! Female store clerks are all over you, asking ‘Hi, can I help you?’”
**Audience laughter**
Shawn remained stone-faced. “So?”
“Shawn,” said Corey. “You can’t be a guy in Victoria’s Secret. They…” He leaned in.
“…whisper things about you…”
**Audience laughter**
“Ok, fine,” Shawn said. “Wait outside until she leaves.”
“No way!” Corey shuddered. “Because then I have to deal with…flyer girl…”
**Audience laughter**
“Flyer girl?” Shawn asked.
“Yeah,” Corey continued. “The same girl who hands out coupons outside the store everyday. She has been recognizing me. Thinking that I am some pervert who stands outside of Victoria’s Secrets!”
**Audience laughter**
“Fine,” said Shawn. “If you can’t go in, you’ll just have to confront her.”
“An adulteress is already cheating, Shawn! She’ll have no problem with lying, too!”
“Meanwhile,” interjected Eric. “Some jerk is living my dream of being surrounded by sexy women’s underwear…”
**Audience laughter**
Corey and Shawn gave him a weird glance and continued.
“I have to find a way to make her to confess, Shawn. In a way I know I can trust.”
“Like how?” Shawn asked. “Like torture or something?”
“Yes!” yelled Corey excitedly, pointing at Shawn’s mouth.
**Audience laughter**
“You can’t torture your wife,” Shawn explained. “Pretty sure that’s abuse, buddy.”
“Well I don’t want to hurt her…” said Corey slowly.
The two of them thought for a moment. Eric continued admiring his ten magic friends.
“I’ve got it!” Shawn said standing up. “Ha Ha Hannah!”
Corey had to think. “Ha Ha Hannah? That weird girl from high school who used to laugh inappropriately all the time?”
**Audience laughter**
“Yeah, I kind of dated her for a while.”
“YOU dated Ha Ha Hannah? She was so weird.”
“True. But she was kind of kinky though…”
**Audience Goes “Woooooo!”**
“Ok…” wondered Corey. “So why are you telling me this?”
“Oh,” said Shawn snapping back into reality. “Well instead of the normal making out thing, she would always have me tie her to the bed and tickle her feet like crazy. It was like torture to her, but she loved it for some reason. She would buck all over the place and couldn’t hold anything back.”
“Do you think that would get Topanga to tell you?” asked Corey.
“ME?” exclaimed Shawn. “Why me?”
“She’ll recognize my hands if she sees them. She knows them too well.”
“So let me get this straight,” Shawn said calmly. “You want me to tie up your wife and interrogate her with tickling to see if she’s cheating on you? This won’t work.”
“Do it for a friend Shawn,” pleaded Corey. “I’m desperate!”
Shawn sighed. “Fine. But there’s no way I could tie her up myself. And I’m out of practice.”
Eric arose from his seat, as Corey and Shawn finally remembered he was there.
“Gentlemen,” Eric announced. “My fingers and I will assist you. We are going to save! Your! Marriage!”
Corey took a sigh of anticipation and smiled at Shawn.
Eric continued. “Or end it…”
Corey and Shawn shot each other a look of fear.
**Audience laughter**
_________________________________________________________________________________
“I’ll be out in a second!” Eric called from the bathroom.
Shawn was standing in Corey and Topanga’s kitchen, dressed in all black. Black shoes, black shirt and pants, black gloves, and a black ski mask that was bunched up on his forehead.
“Hurry up, Eric,” called Shawn. “Corey said Topanga will be home anytime.”
The door handle started to jiggle. Caught off guard, Shawn darted into the hall closet as the key began to enter the lock. As the Shawn’s door closed, the front door opened. It was Corey, dressed in the same black outfit as Shawn, with his ski mask tucked up the same way. He looked around the room, wondering where his accomplices were. Slowly, Shawn made his way out of the closet, mask down, sneaking up behind an unsuspecting Corey. He grabbed Corey’s arms, pinning them behind his back.
“No! Wait!” Corey exclaimed. “Guys! It’s me!”
The bathroom door opened and footsteps came down the hall. Corey and Shawn both turned look. There stood Eric, dressed in a very unconvincing rabbi costume, complete with fake beard, wide brimmed hat, and long, curly peyos.
**Audience goes wild with laughter**
Both boys were awestruck.
“Eric,” Corey got out. “What are you wearing?”
“My disguise,” he said calmly behind his bushy beard.
**Audience laughter**
“Well there’s no use tickling her,” Shawn said in an annoyed tone. “Because she have laughed enough when she sees your stupid outfit.”
**Audience laughter**
“Hey,” said Eric. “She’ll never know its me, now. She knows I’m not Jewish.”
**Audience laughs harder**
Corey broke the stupor of silence. “Uh, Shawn. Would you let go of me, please?”
“Oh, sorry,” Shawn said, releasing him. “What are you doing here? I’m doing this because you were so paranoid.”
“Well I just decided to listen from the closet,” said Corey. “I have to hear her admit it myself, you know?”
“Well give Eric your disguise,” ordered Shawn. “And hurry!”
The two of them rushed to the bathroom. Shawn quickly turned around and locked the door. His body rushed. What else could he do? He did a quick survey of the room. Rope was in the sink. Wooden chair was ready next to the couch. Suddenly, he got an idea. He ran to the cabinet near the stove and grabbed the hammer and a few nails. Standing on the couch, he secured the curtain rod above the window with little extra strength. As he stepped down, he heard footsteps coming down the hallway.
“Guys!” he shouted in his loudest whisper possible. “She’s coming!”
The Matthews boys ran from around the corner. Shawn dropped the hammer on the coffee table and toward them as softly as possible. As a plain clothed Corey ducked into the closet and cracked the door, Shawn and Eric, in full, proper disguise, went back around the corner to peak around, hidden from view.
The key turned in the lock and Topanga entered, carrying a nondescript paper grocery bag. She was dressed in a nice pink blouse and long dark dress pants and black heels.
She sat the bag next to the cracked closet door. “Corey? You home?”
Corey slowly rose from his position on all fours. He tried not to make a sound and slowly peaked into the bag. Unfortunately, he couldn’t get a good look.
Topanga had made her way to the refrigerator as Shawn and Eric were creeping into the room. As they moved more and more around the edge of the refrigerator, the door closed and Shawn stopped suddenly, not to move an inch further. Eric promptly bumped directly into Shawn’s back with a loud “Oof!”
**Audience laughter**
“Shh!” whispered Shawn.
Topanga was preparing a small dinner on the table in the center of the room. “Corey? That you?”
Shawn and Eric made their move. Shawn quickly lurked behind Topanga and grabbed her arms and placed them behind her back, just as he had practiced on Corey earlier. Immediately, Eric placed his gloved hand over her mouth, muffling her yell. She jerked around and tried to run to the couch. Shawn pulled back as hard as he could and began to tie her wrists. Eric grabbed her around the waist with his free hand, before Topanga suddenly bit the one over her mouth with all her might.
“My fingers!” Eric yelled in an indistinguishable whisper.
**Audience laughter**
Corey was watching intently from the closet, making sure she was not suffering too much distress. Without realizing it, he bumped his head loudly on the closet door.
Topanga impulsively tried to look back, but was restrained by Eric’s wounded hand. She clenched her eyes shut trying to overpower him, but to no avail. Biting down on the hand again, Eric let go in pain and stumbled toward the coffee table. As she watched one of her attackers retreat, she noticed what looked like him going toward her husband’s hammer, laid out on the coffee table. Filled with fear, and knowing no one would be able to prevent them from using it on her in the time after her screams, she decided to stop struggling and comply. Shawn quickly turned her around and finished tying her hands together in front of her. Eric, who had finally fallen to the floor, grabbed an ankle with each hand.
“What do you want from me?” she asked calmly. She was too brave to cry.
Shawn and Eric lifted her up by her appendages and carried her to the couch.
“Take anything you want!” she pleaded, not losing her composure.
“Quiet,” said Shawn quietly in his best growly voice as possible.
Topanga tried to think. Nobody lived in the apartments to the left, above, or below them, and the neighbors on the other side were always gone in the evenings. No one would be able to hear her for hours.
Corey was still sitting on the closet floor, rubbing the bump on his head. As he shuffled, he pulled an umbrella from under his behind. Looking at it with annoyance, he sat it down at his side. He then rose to see how the fake abduction was going.
Shawn had tied Topanga’s ankles together through one of their kitchen chairs. Using some of Corey’s unused weights tied to the front legs, the chair was successfully immovable from the edge of the heavy couch. Her wrists were tied with rope to the now fully secured metal curtain rod above her, leaving her unable to pull her arms down below neck level. Topanga pulled down as hard as she could, even lifting her butt out off the couch a little, but she was trapped. There was nothing she could do.
“Don’t even think of touching me again,” Topanga threatened. “My husband will be home soon and he will beat the living crap out of you.”
Corey smiled and began to admire his biceps from the closet.
**Audience laughter**
“Oh yeah,” said the disguised Eric in a low rumble. “That didn’t stop you from having other men here, did it?”
“What?” asked Topanga, very confused.
Shawn gave Eric a dirty look through his mask. “Actually we only have a few questions to ask you. And we want you to be honest.”
Shawn removed Topanga’s heels, causing a cool breeze to blow across her feet. Her toes curled in and expanded back.
“Um, fine. Sure. Whatever,” she said, trying to make of it all. “You didn’t have to tie me up. But go ahead and ask.”
“You are married to Corey Matthews, are you not?” asked Shawn sinisterly.
“Yes. Oh my gosh! Is he ok?” she asked wide eyed. “Is he ok? Did you HURT HIM?”
“Uh, no.” mentioned Eric quickly. “We don’t even know WHERE he is! Heh heh heh!”
Shawn placed his hand on Eric’s shoulder to calm him down. “Do you love your husband?”
“Of course,” said Topanga, looking up at her abductors.
“Well then,” said Shawn, taking off his gloves. “Is there anything you would like to confess?”
Topanga thought. “Nope.”
“Your sure?”
“Well,” thought Topanga. “Corey does flush his you-know-what’s down the toilet after we’re done. And it’s caused the plumbing to mess up several times and no one knew it was him. Are you guys the plumbers?”
Corey rested his head on his forearm. “Great…” he muttered to himself.
**Audience laughter**
Eric coughed, muffling a laugh.
“No,” said Shawn, resting in front of Topanga’s outstretched legs. “We mean something YOU did. Or are doing.”
Topanga thought harder. “Nope. I haven’t done anything.”
Shawn ran his finger quickly up Topanga’s right sole. She let out a shriek in surprise. A chill was moving slowly through her body, causing her to lightly shake.
“You sure?” asked Shawn once last time.
“Really!” Topanga said earnestly.
“Fine,” sighed Shawn. “Have it your way…”
Shawn raked his fingers down her soft soles, then back up again. Topanga jerked into the air. “AHH! AHH! A-hahahahahaha!”
Shawn kept going. Up and down. Up and down. Soon he had found a rhythm that was causing Topanga’s high-pitched voice to come out like a madwoman. Her giggles turned into deep belly laughs.
“Plleeeaaaa-heee-hheee-heee-heeeeeeeeessssse!” she called out best she could. “Wait! Wa-hay-ait! Hahahahahahahaha.”
“C’mon, Topanga,” taunted Shawn. “Think harder.”
“How do you- ha hah! Know me? Hahaha!”
“I’ll ask the questions!” Shawn began wiggling his fingers now, up and down, over and over. Topanga was going insane with laughter. No matter how much she bucked her heels or crinkled her toes, there was no escape from her tormentor’s wriggling grasp. After a few minutes, Shawn stopped.
“You can have a break now,” he said. “But it’s not done here.”
A strange meowing noise came from the closet. Topanga was too distracted to hear, but Shawn responded immediately.
**Audience laughter**
“Uh, I…” Shawn began. “I need to…think… for a moment. My assistant will keep an eye on you.”
“Assistant?” protested Eric, almost out of character. “Partner!”
**Audience laughter**
“Right. Partner. Excuse me,” said Shawn walking toward the closet.
Corey was standing inside, beckoning him over.
“Topanga lives here, too!” Shawn whispered. “She knows you don’t have a cat!”
**Audience chuckles**
“Shawn,” Corey whispered back. “I’m worried about Topanga. This seems to really be bothering her.”
“Exactly,” whispered Shawn. “It’s tickle torture. We have to push her until she spills the beans. This is nothing. I did this to Hannah all the time. Trust me. I know what I’m doing."
Suddenly laughter erupted from across the room. Both of them looked over and saw Eric working his magic on Topanga, tickling the heels of her feet.
“A-HAhahahaHA!” cried out Topanga. “Do-ho-hoho-n’t! Hahahaha! I’m going crazy!”
“Whatever you say,” said Eric. His magic fingers made their way into Topanga’s arches.
Topanga cackled with insanity. In between long laughs she tried to breathe, but Eric’s tickling was too much for her. She tried to bend her knees and pull on the wooden chair toward her that her sensitive soles rested on. There was no use. The weights on the chair held it firmly in place.
Corey looked concerned for Topanga’s health, maybe even her mental health. Noticing Corey’s concern, Shawn stepped in.
“Stop!” he called to Eric.
Eric complied, leaving Topanga heaving, with a few chuckles still escaping.
“Answer us one question,” said Shawn matter-of-factly. “Is there something you aren’t telling your husband?”
Topanga looked at them with surprise. “Um…uh…” she choked out.
“Is there?” prodded Shawn.
“I…well…” she continued.
Shawn had had enough. “Partner, get her toes.”
Before Topanga had time to process his order, Eric had begun work. Her laughter exploded as Eric gently scratched the bottoms of her toes. The sensations were overwhelming. Topanga squirmed, trying to hold her laughs in, in hopes that she could suppress a reaction and end this nightmare. She had never felt this kind of torture before in her life.
She tried bunching them in, which caused Eric to go back to her arches. When he did, she couldn’t help spreading her toes wide again. Finally, her laughter broke free. This process repeated itself a few more times. Eric went into super speed.
Topanga lost it. Shawn stared in disbelief as Eric’s fingers moved in a blur. Topanga’s mouth hung wide open now. Her eyes bulged. Her indecipherable laughs poured out. She could take it no longer.
“Yes! Yes!” she cried.
Eric stopped to listen.
“Yes, what?” asked Shawn.
Topanga hung her head. “There is something I am keeping from Corey.”
Corey nearly fell back in shock. This was it. The woman he was madly in love with was gone from him. He felt sad, and even a little angry. What could he do?
Shawn had already sprung into action. Walking around next to Topanga, he quickly removed his ski mask before she could see his face and her stuffed it backwards over her eyes.
“Well then,” said Shawn, condescendingly. “I guess our third partner will take care of this.”
Shawn hurried to the closet, reached in, and pulled Corey out. Corey was surprised, but didn’t put up a fight as he was led across the room to his adulteress wife. Shawn lifted Topanga’s bottom, with her still strung between the chair and curtain rod, and glanced for Corey to sit down. Corey slowly filled his wife’s seat as she was placed back down on him. She rested between his legs, the back of her pressing up against his groin and chest.
Shawn opened Topanga’s blouse, button by button, until her torso was exposed completely.
“This is our third partner…uh…Torgo…” Shawn said.
**Audience Laughter**
Shawn continued. “He punishes wives who are not faithful to their husbands.”
Shawn nodded to Corey. Corey looked concerned, but finally made up his mind.
‘What?” asked Topanga. “You guys are mistaken. I haven’t…”
But before she could finish, she felt a pair of hands dig into her smooth, exposed underarms. She jumped and let out a high-pitched noise that no one knew whether to categorize as a scream or a laugh. Nevertheless, Corey massaged her soft underarms with all of his fingers, alternating between light motions and digging in intensely. Even Topanga with her mathematically inclined brain couldn’t predict when the sensations were coming. She was so affected that all she could do was give in.
“Nooooooooooohahahahahaha!” she laughed. “Plllllleeeeeeeease! Ha!”
Corey began to attack her exposed ribcage as well, causing her to thrust her hips in hope that she could avoid Corey’s torturous touch. He thrusts pressed hard against Corey’s groin when they came back, which surprisingly didn’t hurt. Soon, Corey realized that the more he tickled, and the faster, the more Topanga would grind her backside into him. Corey kept up his speed as Topanga went into hysterics. He alternated between her waist and arms, sometimes doing both. Topanga bucked relentlessly, arching her back.
Corey’s fingers were going numb, so he paused so he could flex them before continuing. Topanga gasped for breath.
“I’m not…” she huffed. “I’m not cheating. Just working a secret...secret part time job. Corey would be jealous. But we need the money.”
Corey’s eyes darted to Shawn’s and Eric’s. There was a deathly silence under Topanga’s breathing. Shawn’s mouth hung open. Corey slowly looked at his blindfolded bride.
**Audience Chuckles**
“Do you believe me?” asked a shocked Topanga.
Eric could no longer handle it. He sprinted for the door.
“Sorry for using my magic for evil, Topanga!” Eric called back.
Topanga froze.
“Eric?!” she exclaimed, but he was long gone.
She turned in Shawn’s direction.
“And Shawn!”
She paused, then slowly tried to look behind herself, despite still having her eyes covered.
“And…Corey…”
Corey gritted in fear, exposing his lower teeth and a pronounced jaw.
**Audience Laughter**
“Look, Topanga,” Shawn tried to explain. “Corey was just worried about you. Because he loves you. And he was worried you were breaking his heart.”
“Right,” Corey chimed in. “And I had to know. But I wasn’t sure you could tell me truthfully, and now I know that was stupid, and…”
“Guys!” Topanga interjected.
“Yes?” asked Corey sweetly.
“Get me out of here!”
**Audience Laughter**
Corey and Shawn immediately began untying the ropes, with Shawn at Topanga’s feet and Corey at her wrists. When she was free, she stood up quickly and took off the ski mask. Her glare was icy cold.
“Well,” said Shawn, trying to break the silence. “At least you know the truth, Corey.”
Topanga shot him a glance.
“You know,” Shawn continued, absentmindedly. “I bet now I could make Angela tell me what she did to my lucky socks…”
Topanga stopped him. “Shawn. Leave.”
Shawn quickly ran to the door, called back “Goodnight everybody!”, and left.
**Audience Laughter**
Topanga walked away from Corey toward the bedroom.
“Topanga, wait!” called Corey.
She stopped.
“I was wrong,” he said sincerely. “To not trust you. You never have lied to me before, so I was completely out of line.”
She continued to just stare.
“And if there’s anything I can do to make it up to you, name it. I mean, work wherever you want. Don’t tell me. I trust you 100% now! Really! Cheat on me now if you have to. You deserve it.”
Topanga stared back at Corey. Corey stared back, trying not to die of a heart attack. She finally broke the silence.
“I’m not going to cheat on you, Corey,” she said slowly. “I still love you very much.”
“Good,” said Corey relieved. “That’s great.”
“But,” she continued. “Don’t get too comfy when you fall asleep tonight. You may be woken up rather unexpectedly.”
**Audience Goes “Woooooo!”**
Topanga walked into the bedroom, leaving Corey standing in the same spot, hands to his sides, laughing nervously.
**Audience Laughs and Applauds**
THE END
