there was a long post of ideas on how to be rid of what i term a cosmic gift that we all share. this gift does not come without a price. there are those who do not accept our gift and those that do not share it. but does that mean that we should throw it away. maybe it would help if some of us shared our stories. I'm sure that they are all quite similar. hey who can turn down free group therapy.
honestly, what are some of the things about the way that we are that make us feel aprehensive about truly accepting who we really are. what is it that a lot of us fear will come of our particular taste. and in reality that's all it really is. I'm sure that there are a lot of people who like different foods, than i do and i would probably think them a little off for liking that particular type of food, but i don't see people agonizing over their enjoyment of liver and onions.
i would pose the question what makes this any different than any different taste in food, movies or music.
and what goals do we have for embracing this side of us. what do we want out of endulging this side of us. I really like the Stacie Orricio analogy that theres got to be more to life than chasing around a temptorary high high right.
I'll go first,
when i first walked through the doors of this side of me i was 12 years old. and that is really scary for a 12 year old. I was in Summer camp and in casual flirtation, you know you gert a little more excited than you think you should from flirting with that cute girl you know when you goose her ribs, or get her under arms. i had it worst because we went to the pool every tuesday and thuursday, i mean a smorgasboard. I remember chatting on what must have been the origional version of yahoo messanger, and when i would talk to girls i would always ask if they were ticklish, and i didn't know why. finally i ran itno someone who had run into you and they mentioned something called a tickling fetish. I didn't know what that was. I was only 12. she thought i was 19 but that's a different story. i still remember when i first did a yahoo search on the subject. I literally could get off on reading the site descriptions. but when i saw the number of sites i knew that i wasn't really alone. the first site that i went to was the origional channel x. I still have an image of the first 24 pics they had. and the really shitty avi file that they had hat was about 2 seconds long if you had a really fast computer.
I was really hesatint to tell anyone ast first because i didn't want anyone to think i was wierd. i didn't want to be emberassed. So like everyone when they start out, i just lurked around. listende to people tell their stories over the first couple of years. the thing that really scared me was the stories of people who got married to someone not into the same thing and who's lives were all the worse for it. around age 14 i told myself that that just wasn't going to be me.
My first Irl experience was literally the dream. I was and am still best freinds with the first crush of my life. you know the first girl that you had a thing for. for the longest time i tried to date her and one day we spent the day sneaking into movies during the summer. we went to go see gone in 60 seconds and i finally just made my move. i had been telling her for the past few weeks more and more about my interests, and she was actually curious. i misssed the last 60% of the movie with her feet in my lap while i was playing this little piggy, and at other times whe was sitting on my lap playing the sit still and count to ten game. I mean i was nervous and scared, but this is like the fantasy right. the girl of all my dreams sitting there being tickled on my lap. but how would she react. what would she think. she made me sit throguh MI: 2 while we tried it with her hands tied behind her back (i used he hair thing). gosh darn it. Truth be told on a scale 1-10 her ticklishness was about a 4.5 but i made up for it with ice cubes. true story. how did i react after this. with the world at my fingertips. i had a willing lee that i had been persuing for more than 7 years. whose feet from multiple games of truth or dare (that's a great game for college kids to start out with by the way) and our day in the movies i had a detailed knowledge of. I'll tell you. I couldn't bring myself to talk to her for 3 years. that's years with a y. now why is that, cause i wasn't ready. I still didn't really accept it. I still thought it was something bad and not good and dirty and that i was just endulging someting that was wrong. so once again the lurker. was it an idol, not really. just part of me. did i learn to accpet it ofcourse. around high school. when the forums like this one started to spring forth, and not just vid clips and pictures. the understanding that these were real everyday good old fashioned people. I studied developing healthy long term relationships and all books say that there are some things big or small that you must have. and you have to get that out up front, not 3 years and feelings later. since my first longterm puppy love high school relationship i have made my fetish know to everyone i have dated. and you know what they all tried. you would be amazed at how much the girl who cares about you really cares. did it work out, no not yet. would it have worked it if i hid it, no, 100% not. and that is something that i am not willing to accept. there was actually one that i would have married, had it not been for this. oh that's not good, no its great. because a pebble in your shoe can cause back problems like you owuldn't believe. and that's something not a lot of people know.
what do i want to get out of my embracing of my preference, what anyone else would want, a healthy marriage and healthy little ticklephiles. I believe deep down in my heart that there is someone out there for me that loves, i mean loves to playfully be tickled in light bondage by the man she loves. and who can put up with my addiction to football, and wants to have kids, and a list of other things. and I also know that despite all that's wrong with me that i deserve it.
I don't know if that helps anyone, or if it will hurt anyone to share their story, but im sure that it can't hurt.
who's next
honestly, what are some of the things about the way that we are that make us feel aprehensive about truly accepting who we really are. what is it that a lot of us fear will come of our particular taste. and in reality that's all it really is. I'm sure that there are a lot of people who like different foods, than i do and i would probably think them a little off for liking that particular type of food, but i don't see people agonizing over their enjoyment of liver and onions.
i would pose the question what makes this any different than any different taste in food, movies or music.
and what goals do we have for embracing this side of us. what do we want out of endulging this side of us. I really like the Stacie Orricio analogy that theres got to be more to life than chasing around a temptorary high high right.
I'll go first,
when i first walked through the doors of this side of me i was 12 years old. and that is really scary for a 12 year old. I was in Summer camp and in casual flirtation, you know you gert a little more excited than you think you should from flirting with that cute girl you know when you goose her ribs, or get her under arms. i had it worst because we went to the pool every tuesday and thuursday, i mean a smorgasboard. I remember chatting on what must have been the origional version of yahoo messanger, and when i would talk to girls i would always ask if they were ticklish, and i didn't know why. finally i ran itno someone who had run into you and they mentioned something called a tickling fetish. I didn't know what that was. I was only 12. she thought i was 19 but that's a different story. i still remember when i first did a yahoo search on the subject. I literally could get off on reading the site descriptions. but when i saw the number of sites i knew that i wasn't really alone. the first site that i went to was the origional channel x. I still have an image of the first 24 pics they had. and the really shitty avi file that they had hat was about 2 seconds long if you had a really fast computer.
I was really hesatint to tell anyone ast first because i didn't want anyone to think i was wierd. i didn't want to be emberassed. So like everyone when they start out, i just lurked around. listende to people tell their stories over the first couple of years. the thing that really scared me was the stories of people who got married to someone not into the same thing and who's lives were all the worse for it. around age 14 i told myself that that just wasn't going to be me.
My first Irl experience was literally the dream. I was and am still best freinds with the first crush of my life. you know the first girl that you had a thing for. for the longest time i tried to date her and one day we spent the day sneaking into movies during the summer. we went to go see gone in 60 seconds and i finally just made my move. i had been telling her for the past few weeks more and more about my interests, and she was actually curious. i misssed the last 60% of the movie with her feet in my lap while i was playing this little piggy, and at other times whe was sitting on my lap playing the sit still and count to ten game. I mean i was nervous and scared, but this is like the fantasy right. the girl of all my dreams sitting there being tickled on my lap. but how would she react. what would she think. she made me sit throguh MI: 2 while we tried it with her hands tied behind her back (i used he hair thing). gosh darn it. Truth be told on a scale 1-10 her ticklishness was about a 4.5 but i made up for it with ice cubes. true story. how did i react after this. with the world at my fingertips. i had a willing lee that i had been persuing for more than 7 years. whose feet from multiple games of truth or dare (that's a great game for college kids to start out with by the way) and our day in the movies i had a detailed knowledge of. I'll tell you. I couldn't bring myself to talk to her for 3 years. that's years with a y. now why is that, cause i wasn't ready. I still didn't really accept it. I still thought it was something bad and not good and dirty and that i was just endulging someting that was wrong. so once again the lurker. was it an idol, not really. just part of me. did i learn to accpet it ofcourse. around high school. when the forums like this one started to spring forth, and not just vid clips and pictures. the understanding that these were real everyday good old fashioned people. I studied developing healthy long term relationships and all books say that there are some things big or small that you must have. and you have to get that out up front, not 3 years and feelings later. since my first longterm puppy love high school relationship i have made my fetish know to everyone i have dated. and you know what they all tried. you would be amazed at how much the girl who cares about you really cares. did it work out, no not yet. would it have worked it if i hid it, no, 100% not. and that is something that i am not willing to accept. there was actually one that i would have married, had it not been for this. oh that's not good, no its great. because a pebble in your shoe can cause back problems like you owuldn't believe. and that's something not a lot of people know.
what do i want to get out of my embracing of my preference, what anyone else would want, a healthy marriage and healthy little ticklephiles. I believe deep down in my heart that there is someone out there for me that loves, i mean loves to playfully be tickled in light bondage by the man she loves. and who can put up with my addiction to football, and wants to have kids, and a list of other things. and I also know that despite all that's wrong with me that i deserve it.
I don't know if that helps anyone, or if it will hurt anyone to share their story, but im sure that it can't hurt.
who's next
