Cards that Hallmark doesn't print
* 1. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side, it's really good pay.
* 2 My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire
. . . I noticed your cat. Sorry!
* 3. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mend. Here's a bouquet
of flowers . . . and a box of Depends.
* 4. Heard your wife left you, how upset you must be, but don't fret about
it. . . She moved in with me
* 5. Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but
wonder . . .What the hell was I thinking??!
* 6. Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.
* 7. How could two people as beautiful as you . . . Have such an ugly
baby???
* 8. I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After
having met you. I've changed my mind.
* 9. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life . . .I never believed
in Hell till I met you.
* 10. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am . . . that you're not
here to ruin it for me.
* 11. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go . . . Would you like
to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.
*12. Someday I hope to get married . . . but not to you.
*13. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age . . .Almost Lifelike!
* 14. When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that
we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
* 15. I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend
. . So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.
* 16. We have been friends for a very long time . . . what do ya say we call
it quits?
* 17 I'm so miserable without you . . it's almost like you're here.
* 18. Congratulations! on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?
* 19. You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and
there was only one life jacket . . . I'd miss you terribly and think of you
often.
* 20. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
* 21. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (available only in Alabama, Tennessee,
West Virginia and Mississippi
* 1. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side, it's really good pay.
* 2 My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire
. . . I noticed your cat. Sorry!
* 3. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mend. Here's a bouquet
of flowers . . . and a box of Depends.
* 4. Heard your wife left you, how upset you must be, but don't fret about
it. . . She moved in with me
* 5. Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but
wonder . . .What the hell was I thinking??!
* 6. Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.
* 7. How could two people as beautiful as you . . . Have such an ugly
baby???
* 8. I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After
having met you. I've changed my mind.
* 9. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life . . .I never believed
in Hell till I met you.
* 10. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am . . . that you're not
here to ruin it for me.
* 11. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go . . . Would you like
to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.
*12. Someday I hope to get married . . . but not to you.
*13. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age . . .Almost Lifelike!
* 14. When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that
we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
* 15. I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend
. . So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.
* 16. We have been friends for a very long time . . . what do ya say we call
it quits?
* 17 I'm so miserable without you . . it's almost like you're here.
* 18. Congratulations! on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?
* 19. You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and
there was only one life jacket . . . I'd miss you terribly and think of you
often.
* 20. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
* 21. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (available only in Alabama, Tennessee,
West Virginia and Mississippi
