Senshi1
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We've all been here. Here's a handy little guide to prevent you from getting verbally pwn3d by children. 😉
It has long been known that children are amongst the most difficult people in the world to argue with. Their endless supply of creative insults, their immunity to physical violence, and their looming threat of calling backup from their parents make children chillingly formidable opponents.
To argue with somebody else's child, you must always be prepared. A favourite strategy of the average child is to catch you off-guard when you're least expecting it. Warning signs of an unprovoked attack may include a stifled giggle, a hateful, lingering gaze, or a quick glance toward their accomplices (children have been known to hunt in packs).
You will know immediately if you are being verbally attacked by a rogue child by the surreal nature of their insults. These may include such phrases as "you're a fat sausage", "you look like a dumb stupid" or "you're a smelly poo-head". Children are seldom known to use coherant put-downs such as "I find your physical appearence and/or your distinct lack of intelligence frightfully amusing".
There are many ways to retaliate against the sloppy insults of a young child, however, you must NEVER ignore them (this will give them the impression that you are intimidated and spur them on) or retaliate with similarly preposterous insults (children have had more practice and are likely to have mastered this technique).
A good technique to use against young children is to exploit their gullibility. For example, young children are often influenced by their teachings in school and are usually religious. Therefore, if you were to tell them that, by insulting you, they were making Jesus angry, they would become fearful of being denied access into Heaven and would probably abort their mission immediately.
Another tried-and-tested technique is to extinuish the child's argument with simple logic. For example, if the child insists that you are constructed entirely of foul-smelling excrement, respond by demanding conclusive, scientific proof to back up their claim. This usually confuses the child, whose brain is not as developed as yours, and they will consequently lose the will to pursue the matter any further.
If you follow these guidelines, you will never again be humiliated in public by the merciless mentality of infantile delinquents. Next week, "Don't Call Me A Fag: Dealing With Argumentitive Teenagers".
The Guide to Arguing With Other People's Children
By Kurt Z. Shoney
By Kurt Z. Shoney
It has long been known that children are amongst the most difficult people in the world to argue with. Their endless supply of creative insults, their immunity to physical violence, and their looming threat of calling backup from their parents make children chillingly formidable opponents.
To argue with somebody else's child, you must always be prepared. A favourite strategy of the average child is to catch you off-guard when you're least expecting it. Warning signs of an unprovoked attack may include a stifled giggle, a hateful, lingering gaze, or a quick glance toward their accomplices (children have been known to hunt in packs).
You will know immediately if you are being verbally attacked by a rogue child by the surreal nature of their insults. These may include such phrases as "you're a fat sausage", "you look like a dumb stupid" or "you're a smelly poo-head". Children are seldom known to use coherant put-downs such as "I find your physical appearence and/or your distinct lack of intelligence frightfully amusing".
There are many ways to retaliate against the sloppy insults of a young child, however, you must NEVER ignore them (this will give them the impression that you are intimidated and spur them on) or retaliate with similarly preposterous insults (children have had more practice and are likely to have mastered this technique).
A good technique to use against young children is to exploit their gullibility. For example, young children are often influenced by their teachings in school and are usually religious. Therefore, if you were to tell them that, by insulting you, they were making Jesus angry, they would become fearful of being denied access into Heaven and would probably abort their mission immediately.
Another tried-and-tested technique is to extinuish the child's argument with simple logic. For example, if the child insists that you are constructed entirely of foul-smelling excrement, respond by demanding conclusive, scientific proof to back up their claim. This usually confuses the child, whose brain is not as developed as yours, and they will consequently lose the will to pursue the matter any further.
If you follow these guidelines, you will never again be humiliated in public by the merciless mentality of infantile delinquents. Next week, "Don't Call Me A Fag: Dealing With Argumentitive Teenagers".
