Have you ever been so attracted to someone....

[crydun]

that it consumed you? Physically and/or mentally?

 

[fleapit123]

No.

But I'm a grumpy bastard.

 

[Senshi1]

Not personally, but I'm guessing you are? If so, it helps to talk about it. 🙂

 

[MistressValerie1]

Once or twice 😉

 

[DarthGrinn]

No.

But I'm a grumpy bastard.

LMAO!

*sigh* my beloved gf 🙂 yes.

My heart aches when I see her. It aches worse when we depart.

Love is the best pain I'll ever experience.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

No. Attachment that deep leads to jealousy, obsessiveness, paranoia and greed. Relationships like these ultimately suffer or fail because of these extreme emotions which, if you're not careful, can easily become subconscious and mascarade as something absolutely benevolent when in fact they are the very parasite which is slowly weakening the love and making the relationship lukewarm.

Sometimes we need to step back and evaluate where we are, how we got there, why we got there, and where we see ourselves going with this person. If we allow lust for this person to cloud our judgement, we're more prone to making mistakes, irrational decisions, and compromising our own integrity to the point of large personal setback and ruin.

Sometimes we must swallow the pride of our love we proclaim we have and see if we really know what we're doing and if we're in over our heads or not and really examine our true inward feelings. Are they wholly, completely, truely what we proclaim them to be or are we externally projecting our expectation of what love is on our relationship and ignoring any real concerns or worries there may be to the point of clutching to a hollow relationship out of a lack of self-love and respect?

 

[UberTicklish1]

No, I never let that happen. I purposely only crush on celebs or fictional people so as to not risk the pain of eventual rejection.

 

[leenotler]

... Are they wholly, completely, truely what we proclaim them to be or are we externally projecting our expectation of what love is on our relationship and ignoring any real concerns or worries there may be to the point of clutching to a hollow relationship out of a lack of self-love and respect?

This is a very good point, among many, and I have a similar one. Usually, after I get to know the woman I'm so attracted to, I realize I have projected onto her my idealized hope of who she is. I'm in love with a fantasy that I attach to a person. This usually fades. The only caveat is, sometimes such an infatuation can intimidate you or otherwise prevent you from learning more about them. Sometimes you don't realize what a good thing you could have had until it's too late. I'm much better at crush control now, especially the hopeless kind.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

This is a very good point, among many, and I have a similar one. Usually, after I get to know the woman I'm so attracted to, I realize I have projected onto her my idealized hope of who she is. I'm in love with a fantasy that I attach to a person. This usually fades. The only caveat is, sometimes such an infatuation can intimidate you or otherwise prevent you from learning more about them. Sometimes you don't realize what a good thing you could have had until it's too late. I'm much better at crush control now, especially the hopeless kind.

People need to love themeselves enough to be able to give real love to other people. People who recklessly abandon themselves to another person and allow this person to be the center of their universe is asking for trouble down the line. You lose your objectivity and you create and project perfection on what will always be an inperfect creature, and that will ultimately lead you to disappointment and indifference toward this person, while, at the same time, putting on a sharade that will eventually disgust the both of you. Forgetting that they have flaws and faults and projecting love to the point of it obscuring rationalization is a burden and boobytrap you are setting to snare yourself into as well.

These faults may not be very obvious sometimes, but they almost always play a role in the end of a relationship (as well as during) when they finally crop up somehow.

Case in point, you need to be above the love (hey, that rhymes) or at least one step ahead of it. Love itself is like a psychological war pitting the conscience against the heart of a person. If you aren't in control of this war then you're going to lose it somehow, someway, sometime.

Like with so many things, love is about balance.

 

[DarthGrinn]

…which is why relationships are a growing process. I find I am constantly re-evaluating my relationship with my gf on a daily basis; every time I learn something new about her, see a side of her I've never seen before. I step back, reflect on it, and discover how I truly feel about this new info. Then I decide on how I will let it affect our relationship, if at all.

It's not an easy process, and I definitely screw it up a lot; but in the end I'm feeling that I truly have a good thing going with this person, so I compromise and adjust.

This isn't a solo battle neither; it is as much your S.O.'s as it is yours. It's up to you to communicate, and leave the door for communication open.

I find that a lil jealousy is actually healthy in a relationship. So is the occasional conflict of opinions/ clash of egos. It's all passion, coming from the same source as making love (I presume, I'm abstinent lol). Nothing wrong with that girl/guy totally turning your stomach inside out... it's all a natural part of the relationship. Hell sometimes we push each other's buttons on purpose, just because we want that attention/reaction…

But there must be balance and checks. Emotions can be allowed to overthrow logic and common sense. I find that in times of passion, a cool off time helps both parties to just step back and think things over...

In the end of the day, this is real life; it aint some romance/drama Hollywood movie. It aint a love song or a soap opera. Things needn't be so dramatic or flamboyant…

 

[blackmagicjack1]

Well this is a strangely private/personal post, but I'll make a comment or two.

First, yes I have been highly attracted to a couple of people to this degree.

Secondly, despite not agreeing with the general tone of Vlad's posts the point is very sound. When you get attracted to a person too this degree things have a habit of getting out of control. You percieve traits about a person that are basically illusion or delusion. You have to keep your focus or center on yourself. I could go on this for quite awhile, but the point is if someone can throw you off balance just because of the way you feel about them, you might want to start working on yourself.

PS.

And now for a moment of empathy. Cry, if you are currently expierencing such a thing, my sympathies. Usually it more a very uncomfortable rollercoaster ride than an enjoyable expierence. My advice, work on yourself. Keep yourself busy, go meet new people, and excercise. But build your life, you make better choices of who is in it when you like what you've worked on.

 

[GEORGIATKLER]

DOES HALLMARK MAKE A "TRO" CARD?.......................

Actually, I'm President Of Stalkers With A.d.d. 🙂 Being In Love( Or Thinking You Are) Is Obviously One Of Life's Best Experiences. Being Able To Develop And Enjoy It Without Crash-and-burn Over Infatuation Is Sometimes Difficult. Also, It Is Always Difficult To Tell How Strongly The Other Party( We'll Just Call Her Plantiff, Ok? 🙂 ) Cares For You. This Seems To Me To Be One Of The Great Pitfalls Of Love. In An Unequal Feelings Relationship, One Party Can Use The Other Without Mercy. Love Is Like Vegas, You Pays Your (emotional) Money, You Takes Your Chances. But If You've Got A Pair( Of Dice?) Roll Em'.

 

[LonelyKimiko]

Yeah, I've been there myself. It's not fun at all when things take a turn for the worse 🙁 .

 

[Snail Shell]

Ah love... My own personal experiences with this concept notwithstanding, love, as I understand it, is a matter of compromise, acceptance and trust. The problem with all of these things is that, should any or all be betrayed at some point, yeah, it hurts like jamming a saxophone reed under your fingernail.

My advice in love, as in everything else relating to personal issues, is this: Ask your self "Am I happy?". If the answer is yes, no worries. If the answer is no, ask yourself "What can I do to change that?". As with any change, there is risk. Making the changes is up to you.

Hope that helps!

Snail Shell

PS - Kimiko, even when things go for the worse, you'll still have me to kick around. 😉