goddess_nemesis
Level of Quintuple Citrine Feather
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2001
- Messages
- 42,924
- Points
- 38
Playing Truck Driver
Little Johnny is sitting on his front porch steps playing a game.
With one arm he's holding a cat, the other hand is full of M&M's. To play this game, Johnny starts at the top of the steps. He eats a couple M&M's, bites the cat, then moves down a step. He eats some more M&M's, bites the cat & moves down a step. When Johnny gets to the bottom of the steps he goes back to the top and starts over.
Inside the house, Johnny's mother is watching him. She sticks her head out the window and asks Johnny what he's doing.
Johnny replies, "Mommy, I'm playing Truck Driver."
Confused by the answer she has Johnny explain how he figures he's playing Truck Driver.
Johnny replies, "I'm popping pills, eating pussy and movin' on!!"
---
Meeting The Baby
Little Johnny's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents were very afraid that their son would have a wisecrack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors.
He said, "Now, son... that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say a word about his ears or I am going to spank you when we get home."
"I promise not to mention his ears at all" said Little Johnny.
At the neighbors' home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby's hands. He looked at it's mother and said, "Oh what a beautiful baby." The mother said, "Thank you very much, Little Johnny." He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why... just look at his pretty little eyes.... Did his doctor say that he can see good?" The Mother said, "Why, yes... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision."
Little Johnny said "Well, its a darn good thing cause he sure couldn't wear glasses!
---
Playing Cards
Little Johnny woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom. On the way back to bed, he passed his parents room. When he looked in, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his dad, "Hey Dad, what are you doing?" The dad answered, "Playing Cards". Little Johnny asked, "Who's your partner?" The dad answered, "Your mom."
Little Johnny then passed by his older sister's room. Again, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his sister, "Hey Sis, what are you doing?" The sister answered, "Playing Cards." Little Johnny asked, "Who's your partner?" She answered, "My boyfriend."
A little later, the Dad got up and went to the bathroom. As he passed Little Johnny's room, he noticed the covers bouncing.
He called to his son, "What are you doing?" Little Johnny answered, "Playing Cards." The Dad asked, "Really? Who's your partner?"
Little Johnny answered, "You don't need a partner if you have a good hand!"
---
Going To Get Married
Little Johnny and Susie Smith are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married. So Johnny goes to Susie's father to ask him for her hand.
Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, Me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" So without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Susie." So again Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance. Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month. That should do us just fine."
By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"
Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."
---
Cleaning Out The Closet
One day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was *highly* upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home.
When Little Johnny's father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, "THIS is what I found in "your" son's closet."
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?"
Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."
---
Sex Ed
The teacher was telling her students in the sex education class about human anatomy. She took her pointer and pointed to the picture of the female and said, "the female has two breasts and one vagina."
She then pointed to the male picture and said, "The male has one penis."
Little Johnny jumped up from his seat and said, "That's wrong teacher."
"Why do you think I'm wrong, Little Johnny?" begged the teacher.
"My daddy has two of them," explained Little Johnny. "One that's about three inches long that he pees with, and another one that's about eight inches long that he brushes the babysitter's teeth with!"
---
First Period
Around lunchtime Sheryl left school and headed for home, crying because her first period had started and she had no idea what it was. The girl's teacher was reluctant to get involved, so she suggest Sheryl talk to her mom. She was walking home when she ran into little Johnny.
"Why are you crying?" asked little Johnny. "I'm crying because I'm bleeding," she replied. "Give me a look," said little Johnny. She lifted her skirt and showed him. "Fuckin' hell!" said little Johnny. "No wonder you're bleeding - some bastard's cut off your dick!"
---
Difference Between $10 and $20
Little Johnny's house is packed with relatives for Christmas dinner.
Grandpa calls over Little Johnny and starts asking about school, girlfriends and other stuff he can think of.
After a while, grandpa notices that Little Johnny is losing interest in the conversation, so he pulls out two bills from his wallet to see if he can keep him interested. A ten and a twenty dollar bill. He shows both bills to Little Johnny and tells him that he can keep any one he chooses.
Little Johnny reaches over and grabs the ten dollar bill.
Grandpa, pretty surprised and upset about the unwise decision his grandchild made, pulls out another ten dollar bill to see if it was a mistake. Again he tells Little Johnny to take one of the bills and keep it.
Little Johnny grabs the other ten.
Grandpa again is surprised and upset. He takes Little Johnny over to one of the uncles and shows him how dumb Little Johnny is in choosing the ten over the twenty. Grandpa goes on and on showing every uncle and cousin and each time Little Johnny chooses the ten over the twenty.
Grandpa finally shows the stunt to his Daddy. Little Johnny's Daddy is quite surprised, but doesn't pay too much attention at the moment.
A few hours later, Daddy who is very concerned about Little Johnny's poor decision, walks up to him and asks him if he knows the difference between a ten dollar bill and a twenty.
"Of course," answers Little Johnny.
"So why did you always choose the ten over the twenty," asks Dad.
Little Johnny, with a wide smile answers, "Well Dad, if I would have chosen the first twenty dollar bill, do you think grandpa would have played the game fifteen more times?"
Little Johnny is sitting on his front porch steps playing a game.
With one arm he's holding a cat, the other hand is full of M&M's. To play this game, Johnny starts at the top of the steps. He eats a couple M&M's, bites the cat, then moves down a step. He eats some more M&M's, bites the cat & moves down a step. When Johnny gets to the bottom of the steps he goes back to the top and starts over.
Inside the house, Johnny's mother is watching him. She sticks her head out the window and asks Johnny what he's doing.
Johnny replies, "Mommy, I'm playing Truck Driver."
Confused by the answer she has Johnny explain how he figures he's playing Truck Driver.
Johnny replies, "I'm popping pills, eating pussy and movin' on!!"
---
Meeting The Baby
Little Johnny's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents were very afraid that their son would have a wisecrack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors.
He said, "Now, son... that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say a word about his ears or I am going to spank you when we get home."
"I promise not to mention his ears at all" said Little Johnny.
At the neighbors' home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby's hands. He looked at it's mother and said, "Oh what a beautiful baby." The mother said, "Thank you very much, Little Johnny." He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why... just look at his pretty little eyes.... Did his doctor say that he can see good?" The Mother said, "Why, yes... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision."
Little Johnny said "Well, its a darn good thing cause he sure couldn't wear glasses!
---
Playing Cards
Little Johnny woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom. On the way back to bed, he passed his parents room. When he looked in, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his dad, "Hey Dad, what are you doing?" The dad answered, "Playing Cards". Little Johnny asked, "Who's your partner?" The dad answered, "Your mom."
Little Johnny then passed by his older sister's room. Again, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his sister, "Hey Sis, what are you doing?" The sister answered, "Playing Cards." Little Johnny asked, "Who's your partner?" She answered, "My boyfriend."
A little later, the Dad got up and went to the bathroom. As he passed Little Johnny's room, he noticed the covers bouncing.
He called to his son, "What are you doing?" Little Johnny answered, "Playing Cards." The Dad asked, "Really? Who's your partner?"
Little Johnny answered, "You don't need a partner if you have a good hand!"
---
Going To Get Married
Little Johnny and Susie Smith are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married. So Johnny goes to Susie's father to ask him for her hand.
Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, Me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" So without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Susie." So again Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance. Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month. That should do us just fine."
By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"
Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."
---
Cleaning Out The Closet
One day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was *highly* upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home.
When Little Johnny's father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, "THIS is what I found in "your" son's closet."
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?"
Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."
---
Sex Ed
The teacher was telling her students in the sex education class about human anatomy. She took her pointer and pointed to the picture of the female and said, "the female has two breasts and one vagina."
She then pointed to the male picture and said, "The male has one penis."
Little Johnny jumped up from his seat and said, "That's wrong teacher."
"Why do you think I'm wrong, Little Johnny?" begged the teacher.
"My daddy has two of them," explained Little Johnny. "One that's about three inches long that he pees with, and another one that's about eight inches long that he brushes the babysitter's teeth with!"
---
First Period
Around lunchtime Sheryl left school and headed for home, crying because her first period had started and she had no idea what it was. The girl's teacher was reluctant to get involved, so she suggest Sheryl talk to her mom. She was walking home when she ran into little Johnny.
"Why are you crying?" asked little Johnny. "I'm crying because I'm bleeding," she replied. "Give me a look," said little Johnny. She lifted her skirt and showed him. "Fuckin' hell!" said little Johnny. "No wonder you're bleeding - some bastard's cut off your dick!"
---
Difference Between $10 and $20
Little Johnny's house is packed with relatives for Christmas dinner.
Grandpa calls over Little Johnny and starts asking about school, girlfriends and other stuff he can think of.
After a while, grandpa notices that Little Johnny is losing interest in the conversation, so he pulls out two bills from his wallet to see if he can keep him interested. A ten and a twenty dollar bill. He shows both bills to Little Johnny and tells him that he can keep any one he chooses.
Little Johnny reaches over and grabs the ten dollar bill.
Grandpa, pretty surprised and upset about the unwise decision his grandchild made, pulls out another ten dollar bill to see if it was a mistake. Again he tells Little Johnny to take one of the bills and keep it.
Little Johnny grabs the other ten.
Grandpa again is surprised and upset. He takes Little Johnny over to one of the uncles and shows him how dumb Little Johnny is in choosing the ten over the twenty. Grandpa goes on and on showing every uncle and cousin and each time Little Johnny chooses the ten over the twenty.
Grandpa finally shows the stunt to his Daddy. Little Johnny's Daddy is quite surprised, but doesn't pay too much attention at the moment.
A few hours later, Daddy who is very concerned about Little Johnny's poor decision, walks up to him and asks him if he knows the difference between a ten dollar bill and a twenty.
"Of course," answers Little Johnny.
"So why did you always choose the ten over the twenty," asks Dad.
Little Johnny, with a wide smile answers, "Well Dad, if I would have chosen the first twenty dollar bill, do you think grandpa would have played the game fifteen more times?"
