home issues...

[mustangtickler]

Hi people. I really enjoy hearing all the stories from everyone here and reading all the interesting happenings. I have a problem for a tickler. My wife HATES my tickling/foot fetish. It infuriates her to no end that I like to tickle. I find it hard to become aroused sometimes and I feel that tickling may help that, I have come to her with that only to be shut down. On top of this she has recently been caught with her picture and profile on several bisexual personals sites. I feel like its spinning out of control. Do you people think that this may have been caused by the tickle fetish syndrome? And is it okay for someone to look for tickling outside of a marriage that seems to be falling apart at the seams? I dont know what to do.

Thanks

 

[lk70]

I think you need to back burner the tickling fetish for now, examine what's going on in your marriage and go from there. Your sexual needs should be one of the things you consider as you decide where to go. I don't think that looking for tickle play outside your marriage is the way to go at the moment.

For whatever it's worth....

 

[siamese dream]

I'm sorry to hear about that mustang.... as a woman who loves tickling, it's very hard to imagine hating it completely 🙁 Though I can see there would be a big difference, especially to someone who isn't "into" it, between the merciless holding/tying her down type of tickling and lighter, more playful stuff. See if you can get her to experiment slowly...touch her really lightly, in a teasing way, enough to tickle slightly but not enough to make her laugh...couple it with something you already know she does like. If she doesn't enjoy that then I don't know dude, that type of touch is a major turn-on for me.

As for the bisexual sites, it might be curiousity only, on-line fantasy, or it might be something she's considering seriously. Does she know that you post on sites like the TMF? If you're going to bring up her online stuff, I would say let her know that you enjoy talking about sexual interests online too so that she knows she's not being attacked for it....ask her if she wants to talk about what she thinks about sexually but is afraid to say to you. Hopefully she'll be open to talking about her own sexuality and open to listening to you and accepting your turn-ons for what they are... maybe talking like that could lead to experimenting that will be enjoyable for both of you, even if she won't ever enjoy tickling the way you do. I hope things get better for you.

 

[AffectionateDan]

I had better not see another post like that again. If you are incapable of offering something constructive, on-topic, or remotely supportive, don't say anything at all.

 

[Mitchell]

Mustang, I am sorry to hear about your situation with your wife. This is my view.
First, it seems to me that there are other more serious issues that need to be addressed here besides just the tickling. If your wife is posting her picture on bi sexual websites, apparently she is at least having some thoughts about experimentation. That to me is a very disturbing issue in your marriage, that I think needs to be addressed.
Second, no, looking for tickling outside a marriage is really not the moral thing to do. It sounds to me like the two of you need to really sit down, either just as a couple, or maybe with a therapist, and air out all the issues, including your fetish and her reactions to it, her bi sexual website pictures, and everything else. Put all the issues and problems "on the table", so to say, and begin to work on everything. A professional might have sound advice for you about what to focus on, to shelve, or put on the back burner, and what can be worked on. It might well be that certain things need to be put off for now, if you want to save your marriage, such as tickling for a time. Maybe, in time, if other issues can be settled, the tickling can be slowly introduced into the relationship, if other things are being taken care of. It sounds like you have some really complex problems to work out, but steps need to be taken somewhere, and the first one, in my view, is to sit down, talk about the website pictures, your fetish, and counesling, and go from there.
I hope this advice helped, and that you can save your marriage. Good Luck to both of you.

Mitch

 

[tklcouple]

Sorry to hear the sad news

Mustang,

Sounds like your wife is not commited to you; cannot say anything about vice versa - I don't know you or your wife at all.

As I see it you need either one of two things: a good counselor or a good attorney. As someone who has been there I will attest that both are rare and the work either way is painful and far from easy. I would reccomend the first option as a start. I am sure nobody here envies your predicament. You have my prayers and condolences regarding your situation. I hope this gets resolved for you. Good luck.

With best wishes,

Professor Tkl

 

[sole seeker]

Mustang - personal experience speaking here.

Go see a marriage counselor. Now! Immediately! Your relationship will not heal itself. Time will only make this wound deepen if it's left untreated.

If your wife won't go to a counselor, see a counselor by yourself. He/she may have some good ideas for you to try to save your marriage.

If in the end your relationship doesn't survive, you will at least have tried everything in your power to save it. That will go a long way toward your recovery.

 

[mustangtickler]

Thanks, Guys! I appreciate all the helpful responses and I will begin looking for a good marriage counselor, Lets hope we dont need the attorney. Thank you so much for the advice. This really is a wonderful caring place.

 

[TCarlCMI]

You may not want to hear this but I speak from experience so consider this: You married the wrong woman and, if you don't have kids you should get divorced. My wife was revolted by my foot tickling fetish from day one. She told me that I was wierd and bizarre and that there was something wrong with me. She rejected me whenever possible. Aside from our other marital problems (which I won't get into) this caused great resentment on my part because I've been an excellent husband to her. I began a relationship with another woman which lasted for over a year until my wife found out about it. She did the whole nervous breakdown "how could you do this to me" horseshit and now claims that she thinks that the whole foot fetish thing "so hot" and say that she loves it when I tickle her feet...that it "really turns her on" etc. This of course is not true. Rather, it's self serving and contrived....a tool by which to keep me from leaving her. The truth is that I only stay married to her for the sake of our three children who we both love very much. It's not their fault that I married the wrong person so I won't make them suffer with the pain of their parents divorce. When the youngest graduates from HS I will divorce her and take my life back for just me.....then I can be happy again. If you'd like to talk about this further then send me an IM and I'll give you my number and we can talk. I know how I felt when I was in your position and I'd like to share my experience with you....maybe it will help. Tom

 

[dvnc]

Heck, at this point, it's practically a me-too. Counselling from a qualified shrink specializing in couples counselling, open-minded to sexual deviancies in BOTH partners (polyamoury IS a deviancy, just like tickling), is necessary, and if she won't, the shrink will help the imminent separation recovery.

If you CAN support her deviancy, and she IS polyamourous, do consider offering an exchange, her kink for yours. She may surprise you. She may also suggest finding another poly couple with a woman who WILL entertain your interest, thereby solving several issues. The usual "play safely" condom discussions apply.

BTW, though you aren't seeing it, there are HUNDREDS on this board in your shoes. Statistically speaking, based just on the numbers from my own West Coast Gatherings, there's 4-10% of the members SPEAKING about this very problem in any given year, in mail or at events. It ain't just you, brer. I've been there with a partner who changed tunes after things were clearly established, more than once. All into it, and then not. It happens to many.

Good fortunes to you!