Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a
little fireside chat. "Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night
in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother,
and said, 'Here honey, try these on.' So, she did and said, 'Well sweetie
they're a little too big, I can't wear them. So I replied, .exactly. I wear
the pants in this family and I always will. Ever since that night we have
never had any problems."
So, on his honeymoon Jack did the same thing. But then Jill took off her
panties and handed them to Jack, saying, "Here, you try on mine."
So he does and says, "I can't even get into your panties."
So Jill says, "Exactly. And if you don't change your f**king attitude, you
never will.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------
A Chinese couple get married - and she's a virgin. On the Wedding night, she
cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses.
He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring: "My darling,I know this
is your first time and you are frightened. I assure you, I will give you
anything you want, I will do anything you want.
Shyly, she says, "I think I want number 69".
"You want beef with broccoli?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------
A Mother had 3 virgin daughters and they were all getting married within a
short time period. Because Mum was a bit worried about how their first
sexual experience would go, she made them all promise to send a postcard
from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii that said simply "Nescafe." Mum was
puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar.
It said: "Good till the last drop." Mum blushed, but was pleased for her
daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont that read: "Benson & Hedges". Mum
now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the
pack: "Extra Long. King Size." She was again slightly embarrassed but still
happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mum waited for a
week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole
month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the
words "British Airways." Mum took out a magazine, flipped through the pages
fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for BA. It read: "Three times a
day, seven days a week, both ways." Mum fainted...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the
doctor. He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and
my fiancée is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and
keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue
depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage and wired it all
together. It was an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend. They marry and on their
honeymoon night in the motel room, she says to him "As you know, I have not
had sex with anyone. It would be so special if you could say the same."
The husband smiles as he pulls down his pants. "See, mine is still in the
crate."
little fireside chat. "Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night
in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother,
and said, 'Here honey, try these on.' So, she did and said, 'Well sweetie
they're a little too big, I can't wear them. So I replied, .exactly. I wear
the pants in this family and I always will. Ever since that night we have
never had any problems."
So, on his honeymoon Jack did the same thing. But then Jill took off her
panties and handed them to Jack, saying, "Here, you try on mine."
So he does and says, "I can't even get into your panties."
So Jill says, "Exactly. And if you don't change your f**king attitude, you
never will.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------
A Chinese couple get married - and she's a virgin. On the Wedding night, she
cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses.
He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring: "My darling,I know this
is your first time and you are frightened. I assure you, I will give you
anything you want, I will do anything you want.
Shyly, she says, "I think I want number 69".
"You want beef with broccoli?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------
A Mother had 3 virgin daughters and they were all getting married within a
short time period. Because Mum was a bit worried about how their first
sexual experience would go, she made them all promise to send a postcard
from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii that said simply "Nescafe." Mum was
puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar.
It said: "Good till the last drop." Mum blushed, but was pleased for her
daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont that read: "Benson & Hedges". Mum
now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the
pack: "Extra Long. King Size." She was again slightly embarrassed but still
happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mum waited for a
week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole
month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the
words "British Airways." Mum took out a magazine, flipped through the pages
fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for BA. It read: "Three times a
day, seven days a week, both ways." Mum fainted...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the
doctor. He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and
my fiancée is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and
keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue
depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage and wired it all
together. It was an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend. They marry and on their
honeymoon night in the motel room, she says to him "As you know, I have not
had sex with anyone. It would be so special if you could say the same."
The husband smiles as he pulls down his pants. "See, mine is still in the
crate."
