How do you approach people who want you to be someone you aren't anymore?

[CrystalLight]

Yes, I know the first in your head may be to say, "don't approach them at all."

But I care about this person and have been seeing a psych for a few years now. I feel they want me to lash out like how I used to and I can't seem to make it clear that I don't desire to do battle. I'm even apprehensive about posting this.

Any advice?

 

[GirlMeetsTickle]

What do you mean by "lash out"? Are you not on good terms with this person? Do they want closure?

 

[oldgeezer]

What advise did your give you? I would take into consideration what your psychiatrist suggest. I would then decide what to do based on what is best for you. Explain to the person(s) you are not the same person you used to be. You have maid a conscious effort to change and hope they understand.

 

[Sandisk444]

I don't want to sound dismissive to your question (because it sounds important) but I think a bit more information would be useful if you want a relevant answer.

From what you've said so far, I think it's in your best interest to just be up front and honest about the situation and where you stand. If they see you in a way that is different to how you see yourself, they might be unaware that a change has occurred or they might just not care. There's nothing wrong with saying "Hey, I get the feeling that you think I'm {Insert Specific Situation} but I've changed since then, I don't feel comfortable going back to that. It's just not who I am anymore." That way they can either accept it, or reject it.

I get that I'm being a bit cold about your prior relationship with this person (you said they're important to you), but what good is a relationship with someone where you feel like you can't be yourself? Or that the you that you want to be isn't accepted? You deserve better than that. At least you gave it a chance? And I'm not saying if they give you resistance then you turn tail and walk away, put in whatever fight you want to put in for this person. It just might be prudent to accept things can't continue forward in a mutually beneficial way (it's not doing them good to have you "put on a face" for them either).

I'm not sure what you're comfortable posting on here, if you really want specific advise but don't feel comfortable talking freely on the forum, you can shoot me a PM and I can give you my two cents? Whatever you wanna do.

 

[CrystalLight]

What do you mean by "lash out"? Are you not on good terms with this person? Do they want closure?

One day they are kind, loving and even say they want me to be some ambassador of sorts; two days later, it is "fuck you" and unnecessary anger.

No, they never sought closure.

What advise did your give you? I would take into consideration what your psychiatrist suggest. I would then decide what to do based on what is best for you. Explain to the person(s) you are not the same person you used to be. You have maid a conscious effort to change and hope they understand.

All good points. I feel I have but it may not be understood. I refuse to be someone's ***** for traffic. My psychiatrist has been helping me steer away from people that only seek to cause on going issues. The problem is that it did not start out this way. I ended up blocking the user after stating that I was not and did not deserve to be talked to this way.

 

[CrystalLight]

I am unable to go into detail out of respect of the fellow forum goer.

 

[Sandisk444]

I am unable to go into detail out of respect of the fellow forum goer.

That's totally fair, I can understand that.

Uh.. well the best thing I can suggest would be to stay true to who you are and how you want people to perceive you. Oldgeezer's suggestion about the psych is also a really good idea, they've a more in-depth understanding of you and your situation.

I wish you all the best though, it doesn't sound like a pleasant situation 🙁

 

[BlasterMaster]

If this person is unwilling to make any effort to change then you either accept that fact and decide from there on what to do or live in denial of the fact that this person wants something from you that you can't give anymore and won't be satisfied until he or she gets it.