How do you know (Relationship's and the like)

[Mr.Teehehe]

How do I know what a Real Relationship is and what's not?

FOR EVERYBODY that has been thier in my shoes and walked in my shoes and have been through the Relationship Stages and the up's and down's and back and forth's how do you even know.

With mind games played,and being manipulative and being used like a puppet and guilt trips etc.

I mean,How do I even know or begin to tell?

I've been played on and been in that mind games circle and been a puppet on a string and been manipulate by and have given much much more then i have gotten back etc.

So i'm just looking for advice,storys,helpful tips,words of wisdom from all of you great people on this website and great forum. Everybody can chime in.


Take Care

Mr.Teehehe,
David

 

[Sorcerer Lance]

that's always an issue, most of the time you never know, I've been through dozens of girlfriends before finding my fiancee, it's all a matter of if you feel prepared and want to take that leap of faith again. It's always a long road finding that perfect someone, and it's all the more rewarding when you do, that's why I kept pressing onward even after each breakup.

 

[tff69]

Well, when i met my wife, my father had died, and I was in distress. She was there for me, my girlfriend at the time became a very nasty woman and my wife had seen how badly I was treated, she came to my rescue. NOW she is the nasty one. You may never know when a relationship will be a good one or not. Try not to jump into a relationship, and take a look at yourself. If you like a lot of women on movies and such, stay single. You will find that someone out there, and make sure she loves what you love. Unless you don't mind doing it without her. I collect toys and she don't get involved. but tickling, that is a two person thing. If she isn't into it, you will stray. You need to have someone who loves that too. If not, it is doomed to fail. Trust me on that one.

 

[ILove2Tickle1]

David, the only way you can tell is by getting to know them first. Of course by that time you may already emotionally involved with her. It's a hard balance to achieve. I'm not the best for giving advice about that, myself. Only how to get yourself out of it.

 

[Cbarton]

The absolute key is that you have to be friends first. If you're not able to friends first, anything else is doomed to fail. Seen it happen too many times where people jumped into the romantic and.or sexual end before they were friends enough to be able to put with each other.

 

[chicag0]

Tip number one, stop being so neurotic.

If you keep worrying about mind games, you may miss your chance with someone genuine.

You have to take chances in relationships, one of them being that you may get hurt in the process.

Bringing baggage into future relationships is just shooting yourself in the foot.

 

[TKLVR181]

The absolute key is that you have to be friends first. If you're not able to friends first, anything else is doomed to fail. Seen it happen too many times where people jumped into the romantic and.or sexual end before they were friends enough to be able to put with each other.

Agreed wholeheartedly. Senshi and I were best friends before we even considered a relationship--I was doing everything I could to spend MORE time with him online.

Secondly, your true Soul Mate will complete you utterly--I think there's someone out there like that for any and everyone. They will not judge, they'll stick up for you no in front of others even if they don't agree with you--in private they may ask wtf you're thinking, but they would never appear to be of any other mind than you. They will make you feel like no other person does, arguing with even you when you're feeling low about yourself.

Your Soul Mate won't judge you no matter what you do or what you think. They may not agree with you on all subjects, (Senshi and I don't agree on exactly how we should get out of Iraq, for example,) but the difference of opinion won't matter.

They won't judge you for being a member of this site, either😉

~K

 

[poppameth1]

I've been dating the same girl exclusively for 10 years now. Will I ever settle down and marry her? Highly unlikely. While she's into a lot of the same things as me there are too many things about her that piss me off. After all this time she still hasn't learned how to save a dime and she's deeply in debt. She also won't do a thing to improve her employment situation. She goes on and on about having children but needs to grow up herself first. She's gotten progressively worse in bed. She's a missionary lick it and stick it girl now. She's also put on a good 60-70 lbs. since I met her, which I'm afraid is something I'm just not physically attracted to. So why am I still with her? It's not love. I'm chronically ill, at a point in life where I don't know what direction I'm going, and more than anything I guess there is just a familiarity about the situation that I'm comfortable with. I wouldn't shed a single tear if she left me tomorrow but I don't see myself breaking up with her either. And yes she is aware of how I feel on the situation for the most part.

So take that as you will. Things always change in a relationship. For better or worse is hard to predict. Just be careful you don't get too complacent with a bad relationship like I've done.

 

[QueenBeeBeeMari]

When the time is right you will know with out a doubt in your heart and soul.It will be like your souls have become one.You will be swept off your feet by her touch and voice alone.You will feel like you are floating and walking on air everytime you hug or have those private,intimate moments.You will think of nothing except her.Trust me when the time comes you will know.

 

[Mr.Teehehe]

I've been dating the same girl exclusively for 10 years now. Will I ever settle down and marry her? Highly unlikely. While she's into a lot of the same things as me there are too many things about her that piss me off. After all this time she still hasn't learned how to save a dime and she's deeply in debt. She also won't do a thing to improve her employment situation. She goes on and on about having children but needs to grow up herself first. She's gotten progressively worse in bed. She's a missionary lick it and stick it girl now. She's also put on a good 60-70 lbs. since I met her, which I'm afraid is something I'm just not physically attracted to. So why am I still with her? It's not love. I'm chronically ill, at a point in life where I don't know what direction I'm going, and more than anything I guess there is just a familiarity about the situation that I'm comfortable with. I wouldn't shed a single tear if she left me tomorrow but I don't see myself breaking up with her either. And yes she is aware of how I feel on the situation for the most part.

So take that as you will. Things always change in a relationship. For better or worse is hard to predict. Just be careful you don't get too complacent with a bad relationship like I've done.

That's rough man you seem like such a great guy to. So i will def be praying for you man over this and anything else. We've all been through life's trials and life's speed bumps along the way and have faced our share of pain and punches in the face (some way more trial's and punches in life then others)

But rest assured that we all can come together and be supportive and open up and talk amongest each other and help others since we all have been through something and their is always somebody going through the same things that your going through. Talking and support are power.

 

[Duke Diablo]

With mind games played,and being manipulative and being used like a puppet and guilt trips etc.

Mind games aren't only played out in relationships, m8. It takes some experience and a cool head to think through things and see who's playing you and who isn't. If someone is constantly making you feel guilty for something you're objectively not and using your feeling of guilt to pressure you into doing something for them, that person prolly isn't worth your time.

That said, I don't have any experience in relationships, and hopefully never will, but don't ever let anyone run over you. Good luck in your search, m8.

 

[kopfhorer1]

I've been dating the same girl exclusively for 10 years now. Will I ever settle down and marry her? Highly unlikely. ... After all this time she still hasn't learned how to save a dime and she's deeply in debt. She also won't do a thing to improve her employment situation. ... She's gotten progressively worse in bed. She's a missionary lick it and stick it girl now. ...So why am I still with her? It's not love. I'm chronically ill, at a point in life where I don't know what direction I'm going, and more than anything I guess there is just a familiarity about the situation that I'm comfortable with....

I can’t say that I blame you one bit. If I had a serious chronic illness, I’d probably hang onto whatever I found comfortably familiar in my life too. I’m just sorry that your good thing has become not-so-good.

Mr. Teehehe: FWIW, I thought that my last girlfriend was the one. Then I got treated for depression. All of a sudden, the love of my life looked considerably less like The One and more like someone who, though otherwise a fine person, had issues I could no longer ignore. Or live with.

Put another way, remember the words of advice-columnist Dan Savage:

“Every single relationship in your life is certain to fail... until you find the one that doesn't.”

 

[Mr.Teehehe]

Mr. Teehehe: FWIW, I thought that my last girlfriend was the one. Then I got treated for depression. All of a sudden, the love of my life looked considerably less like The One and more like someone who, though otherwise a fine person, had issues I could no longer ignore. Or live with.

Put another way, remember the words of advice-columnist Dan Savage:

“Every single relationship in your life is certain to fail... until you find the one that doesn't.”

Yeah kopfhorer my girlfriend is now Single she told me and say's that she still loves me and misses me and cares for me she does and wants to be friends (she told me that yesterday). But on the other hand shes taking a break from me and she wants to go out and get on with her life and wants to do things for herself only in life NOT for us and told me that she wants me to do the same thing and wants me to be happy. So if i find someone else she would be jealous (she never said that it would hurt her at all) she just said that she would be jealous.
​

So it's also to much issues with her as well on her end which i can't live with or ignore either anymore.

 

[kopfhorer1]

She says she'd be jealous? That's mighty manipulative and crass of her, guilt-tripping you like that. I say if you want to find someone else, do it. Just beware of "the rebound".

FWIW, my own ex left a CD-ROM of pictures she took of me at a party for a mutual friend last month in my front door last night (I viewed them. That settles it, to Weight Watchers I go!). She also left a message on my voicemail last week when she knew I wanted no contact. 🙁

 

[Mr.Teehehe]

She says she'd be jealous? That's mighty manipulative and crass of her, guilt-tripping you like that. I say if you want to find someone else, do it. Just beware of "the rebound".

FWIW, my own ex left a CD-ROM of pictures she took of me at a party for a mutual friend last month in my front door last night (I viewed them. That settles it, to Weight Watchers I go!). She also left a message on my voicemail last week when she knew I wanted no contact. 🙁

Yeah she did and yeah i know it is. She say's that she still loves me. But she was the one that gave up on our Relationship (with all of her issues she couldn't take it anymore and handle it and didn't want to deal with everything anymore) and so she waved a white flag and tossed in the towel on Us me and her. So i am getting on with myself as well slowly now.

And i wish you the best as well. If you really want no contact and to part ways and better yourself kopfhorer then don't have her in your phone or have any kind of contact with her through online and in person.

Your a good guy! so you also to do deserve better (but You have to want to do that or it won't happen) 😉