I'll just list the first couple I can think of.
Tickling, feet, Lithuanian silverware, midgets with overbites, corrective footwear, waitresses at the Olive Garden, forks at the Olive Garden, numbers divisible by 3, punctuation, women who love parsley, men who love women who love parsley, cups with lids, cups with straws, discarded Campbell's Cup O' Soup containers, alliteration, repetition, enunciation, repetition, golf balls, rubber balls, tennis balls painted a color other than green, trains made before 1937, planes made after the Korean War, automobiles that resemble breasts, breasts that resemble famous people, famous people with speech impediments, public speakers, podiums, pedestals, pedicures, pedophiles with no arms, arms that bend both ways, women who go both ways, road signs that say "One Way", extras from the movie "The Road Warrior", projectionists from pornographic theaters, pornos from East Berlin, pornos starring Irving Berlin, pornos whose titles contain words divisible by 3, the word “quotient” lovingly whispered into my ear, hot candle wax dripped on mirrors, the Star Trek episode “Mirror, Mirror”, skydiving in the nude, roller-skating in the Louvre, the smell of gasoline, the color of money, the flavor of the month, the event of the year, lunar calendars, solar flares, pants with bottoms that flare, shirts with vertical stripes, shoes with blinking lights, solar-powered flashlights, massage oils that double as a nice marinade, janitors who moonlight as exotic dancers, exotic dancers who work double shifts, shifty-eyed albinos, lazy-eyed Alaskans, frozen foods, heated seats, clean sheets, dirty laundry, salt mills, saltines, barely legal teens, garbanzo beans, and blow jobs.
And that is why I have to wear the protective underwear.
