How many to Change a Bulb?

[Dave2112]

How many teenage girls does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. She holds up the bulb and the world revolves around her.

How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?

At first, twelve...to form a commitee that will establish if we have the right to make the lightbulb change. It will probably number around 2,500 in the end.

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

At first, twelve...to form a commitee that will look into possible military application for the lightbulb. It will probably number about 25,000 in the end.

How many Union workers does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to ask the question if the bulb needs changing and one to find out. One to requisition the overtime forms, as it's two minutes to five right now. One to fill out the forms and requisition another form because filling out that form took until 5:04. One with the proper clearance and training to get the bulb and another to transport it to the site. Another fully-trained specialist to secure the safety equipment (ladder, gloves, hat, glasses), and another to perform the installation. Then you need one to track down all the lost overtime forms and one more to file the report to the State, so that they have figures to back up thier need for a raise, 'cuz $27.50 an hour just ain't cuttin' it.

How many Buddhists does it take to change a lightbulb?

It is irrelevant as true light comes from within, rendering the lightbulb unneccesary.

How many agnostics does it take to change a lightbulb?

It depends on if there really is a lightbulb.

How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?

What the hell is a "blubthgil"?

How many obsessive-compulsives does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. Insert bulb, twist. Untwist. Insert bulb, twist. Untwist. Insert bulb, twist. Untwist. Insert bulb, twist. Untwist...

How many hardline Islamics does it take to change a lightbulb?

IT IS SATAN!!!! DEATH TO AMERICA!!!!

How many Trekkies does it take to change a lightbulb?

You better have two, because they've been known to blow as soon as you turn them on.

 

[BettyBoop2002]

Good ones Dave!!😉 Thanks

 

[Marauder]

How many Marines does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five. One to hold the bulb, four to lift up and spin the room a few times.

How many Japanese does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. The bulb already changed itself after making coffee, cleaning up the room and composing a few intriguing poems.

How many violent anarchists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to blow the hell out of it with his zip-gun, and one to light the place on fire... okay, so the bulb wasn't changed, but the place is illuminated anyway.

 

[qjakal]

Oh crap...

I sense a thread forming....

"How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?"
"1,331:
1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed.
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
53 to flame the spell checkers.
156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb.
203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts **are** relevant to this mail list.
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.
33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too."
12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversey.
19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three, Amen and other silly crap..."
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.
143 votes for alt.lite.bulb."


"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"Just the one, but it will take a long time, and the bulb has to really want to change."

"How many radio astronomers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"None. They aren't interested in that short wavelength stuff."


"How many system managers does it take to change a light bulb?"
"None. They just deny access to everyone to the area served by the light bulb in question."

"How many topologists does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"It really doesn't matter, since they'd rather knot."
-- from Canonical List of Math Jokes

"How many Zen Masters does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"None. The universe changes it, and the Zen Master just keeps out of the way."
Larry Niven's Known Space lightbulb, and other, jokes


Programming Languages Lightbulb Jokes

"How many C programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"Three, and the bulb would have to be removed and reinserted several times before they got it to work. And no-one would be able to change the bulb after that."

"How many Ada programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"One, but before they could start, 87 bureaucrats would have to write proposals justifying the expense of changing it."

"How many Lisp programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"None. The programmer writes the basic code, then the bulb changes itself."

"How many Forth programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"The light bulb changes the programmers."

"How many Pascal programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"We buy a new lamp: it's too much trouble to change the bulb."

"How many Prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"No."

"How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"None. When the bulb blows, darkness becomes the de facto standard."

 

[Limeoutsider]

How many violent anarchists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to blow the hell out of it with his zip-gun, and one to light the place on fire... okay, so the bulb wasn't changed, but the place is illuminated anyway. [/B]

Sounds like my solution

 

[His Divine Shadow]

How many Japanese does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. The bulb already changed itself after making coffee, cleaning up the room and composing a few intriguing poems.

How many violent anarchists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to blow the hell out of it with his zip-gun, and one to light the place on fire... okay, so the bulb wasn't changed, but the place is illuminated anyway.

The first on is most likely already true....

Lime: Want to act out the second one with me? (I have surplus Molotov Cocktails)

 

[Limeoutsider]

Eh, Im more of an observer

 

[His Divine Shadow]

Yay!! More fun for me!!! Throws cocktails at a random house.

*Foooooosh!!! Flames spread rapidy...*

Oops, shouldn't have added Napalm....

Sorry, no lightbulb jokes here.

 

[milagros317]

How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. She'll sit the dark, it's OK.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change the bulb, one to decry the violation of the socket, one to secretly envy the bulb, and one to secretly envy the socket.

 

[TKpervert]

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change the bulb, one to decry the violation of the socket, one to secretly envy the bulb, and one to secretly envy the socket.

LMFAO

 

[venray]

..






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[Limeoutsider]

I thought we'd see a pic of Uncle Fester 🙁

 

[venray]

I thought we'd see a pic of Uncle Fester 🙁

 

[TKpervert]

Ven is one sick MF, with way too much computer power and savvy at his disposal. Oh yeah, and time too.
Accept that simple fact and your life here at the TMF will begin to assume a semblance of logic and order.

oh but wait .. logic and order require a commitment.. never mind

 

[TKpervert]

case closed.

 

[venray]

case closed.

 

[Limeoutsider]

Thanks ven!



TKP- I want that green spot icon! Can you send it to me? Thanks

 

[JoBelle]

How many MICE does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only two, but don't ask me how they got in there!

Joby

 

[TKpervert]

TKP- I want that green spot icon! Can you send it to me? Thanks

http://www.anchoredbygrace.com/smileys/comic11.gif

just bracket it with the 'img' stuff.