How to be an intolerable Dom/me

[JoBelle]

HUMOUR

How To Be An Intolerable Dom

~ Insist that all Bondage play be done only with Silly string.

~ For gagging, use Giant Supersourball Bubble gum, found in Grocery vending machines.

~ When your sub starts turning blue from too-tight bounds, tell them how it brings out the color of their eyes ...

~ Make them embroider "This Ass Owned and operated by Mistress/Master (insert name here) on all of their work clothes.

~ Flog your submissive... just before they reach sub-space, sing all verses and Choruses of "Tie me Kangaroo down sport" while circling them with the silly-string can on full blast...

~ For wax-play, paint your sub entirely black, then drip a colorful pattern on them with your brand new box of 96 vibrant colored crayolas, scratch the colors off with a toothpick, revealing an interesting design underneath... ~ When they call their safeword, make them say "pretty please"... then "pretty please with sugar on top"...before you stop.

~ Have a new favorite flogger made of gummiworms. ~ Superglue the nipple clamps ON.

~ Send your sub to the Dairy Queen for 2 quarts of Milkshakes, when they return, have the enema bag hanging in full view.

~ Sit upright for a backrub, keep saying "a little to the left" until they get dizzy from going around you.

~ Wear rainbow socks with toes in them with your 5" stilettos for that foot fetishist submissive.

~ Replace the St. Andrew's Cross in the dungeon with a life size replica of "Barney the purple Dinosaur" that sings, "I love you, you love me..." attach metal cuffs to the arms and legs of sub and Barney, go watch a video of Gone With The Wind.

~ Take your sub to K-mart...lose them and have them called over the intercom: "Will the redassed-sissyboy/sub-gal (insert favorite humiliating term) meet your Master/Goddess at the customer service desk"

~ Give all directives and commands in a Donald Duck voice. ~ When tired of the Donald Duck voice, use pig-latin.

~ When you sub begs to cum, look perplexed and say, "silly...you are already here"

~ Insist that you are a born natural with a bull whip.

 

[Biggles of 266]

Dominatrix's banana drama
January 14 2003


A 45-year-old woman described by police as a sex worker and dominatrix has pleaded guilty in a New Zealand court to assaulting a man "using a cake of soap and a banana", it was reported today.

The Auckland District Court was told that Denise Vivienne Adams, of Tauranga, and another man forced a cake of soap into the complainant's mouth and squashed the banana around his face when he was tied up during a bondage session, the New Zealand Herald reported.

The complainant, who was not named, was Adams' partner at the time and although their relationship was deteriorating he told the court they were together at the time the assault occurred during a session of consensual acts that went wrong.

He freed himself and called police after Adams and truck driver Rhys John Stratford, 35, who helped her, had left the house, the court was told.

Adams and Stratford were remanded on bail for sentence next month, the Herald said.