luv2bt&tickled
3rd Level Red Feather
- Joined
- Sep 30, 2002
- Messages
- 1,696
- Points
- 0
How to keep a reasonably healthy level of Insanity
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
8. Dont use any punctuation marks
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Bob.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner. "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
20) Go up to an attractive member of the opposite sex and ask loudly if it's true what they say about his/her birthmark
21) Attend any situation where someone is trying to relay information, whether it be a car salesman in a lot, or a self help guru peddling do-it-yourself. Anytime said person says anything, exclaim loudly 'Hallelujah brother! AMEN!" then be quiet for a minute, then get all worked up into it, as a gross exaggeration of a TV evangelist, proclaiming 'Tell it like it is brother! Hallelujah! Can I get a hallelujah from the chorus? HALLELUJAH! I can't hear you!!! Can I get a hallelujah from the chorus!?!?" Proceed until you are either asked to leave, escorted from the premises, or joined by others who are 'moved' by your sermon!
22) (for guys) Waddle up to someone you don't know, and hand them a pen asking if they will sign your cast. If they say 'yes, where is it', start undoing your pants mumbling 'It's more of a sling, than a cast'.....
23) Answer every statement with a question based from that statement. "I'm going to the movies" you- "Oh, are you going to the movies" ? Continue innocently, usually people answer you for quite some time before realizing what's going on.
24) When they catch on to #23, some will start mimicking you doing the same thing. Instead of answering them, simply shrug and reply with 'It is so. I have foreseen it.'
25) Go to the grocery store before thanksgiving. Grab a turkey, and start running up and down the isle holding it above your head screaming 'TURKEY CAN'T FLY TURKEY CAN'T FLY TURKEY CAN'T FLY TUUUURRRRKEEEEYYYYYY'
26) Anytime Jehovah's witnesses come to your door with the latest pamphlets, explain that your cult doesn't allow reading.
27) If you are in a job position where you get to fire people, ask someone to read a memo over the intercom in less than 5 seconds (so they don't have time to read it beforehand) or they are fired, hand them one that says "I <their name here> am going to kill the President!". Proceed to call security, and call as many witnesses as you like
28) Talk to yourself loudly in a group of people, as if in a conversation. when someone asks you which person you are talking to demand why their mother never told them it was impolite to listen in on other peoples conversations!
29) When the girl scouts come to your door, run outside and do a rain dance until they leave.
30) Buy and use stuff from www.ducttapefashion.com (shameless, I know)
31) In the middle of the conversation, confuse someone with your 'Cousin Al' with the 'thing' on his toe.
32) Show up at a place you don't work at, and demand a raise.
33) Anytime a phone solicitor calls, either solicit them for sex, or convince them that you are actually the owner of the company they work for, and you don't appreciate calls on your day off.
34) Every so often, run out into the yard with a shovel and bash the same spot of ground every time. anyone asks what you are doing, exclaim 'I buried him 4 days ago, you'd think he'd have the common decency to STAY dead!' and storm off.
35) Begin every interview with 'No matter what you've heard, they were both dead when I found them'
36) For men - If you are visiting or live in a state that allows same sex marriages, show up at the courthouse or wherever. Then, when 2 lesbians go to get married, act like you are getting really turned on, and when they kiss, start hooting.
37) If you can't get through a line, start yelling 'Potty Emergency!' and run through everyone.
38) Anyone pats u on the back, get all nervous and say 'Don't touch me there, my rash is contagious!'
39) Purr.
40) Collect donations, when anyone asks what it's for, mumble something about scam victims and run away.
41) Take notes on a large notepad wherever you go, whatever you do. occasionally nod and go 'hhmmm'. when someone asks what you are writing, look at them pityingly and exclaim 'you poor bastard, you really have no idea what's happening.'
42) Tickle yourself in public, reduce yourself to tears while crying out 'Stop! No really, Stop!' 43) Replace your belt buckle with an elaborate bow. When anyone asks, say it's a present start unwrapping!
44) Whenever you see yourself in the mirror, attack.
45) When someone asks you a question, begin your answer with 'Uompa Loumpa Gobbledy Goo' (or Dee, or whatever rhymes with your response!)
46) Waist a lot of time creating a 'Keep a healthy level of Insanity' list
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
8. Dont use any punctuation marks
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Bob.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner. "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
20) Go up to an attractive member of the opposite sex and ask loudly if it's true what they say about his/her birthmark
21) Attend any situation where someone is trying to relay information, whether it be a car salesman in a lot, or a self help guru peddling do-it-yourself. Anytime said person says anything, exclaim loudly 'Hallelujah brother! AMEN!" then be quiet for a minute, then get all worked up into it, as a gross exaggeration of a TV evangelist, proclaiming 'Tell it like it is brother! Hallelujah! Can I get a hallelujah from the chorus? HALLELUJAH! I can't hear you!!! Can I get a hallelujah from the chorus!?!?" Proceed until you are either asked to leave, escorted from the premises, or joined by others who are 'moved' by your sermon!
22) (for guys) Waddle up to someone you don't know, and hand them a pen asking if they will sign your cast. If they say 'yes, where is it', start undoing your pants mumbling 'It's more of a sling, than a cast'.....
23) Answer every statement with a question based from that statement. "I'm going to the movies" you- "Oh, are you going to the movies" ? Continue innocently, usually people answer you for quite some time before realizing what's going on.
24) When they catch on to #23, some will start mimicking you doing the same thing. Instead of answering them, simply shrug and reply with 'It is so. I have foreseen it.'
25) Go to the grocery store before thanksgiving. Grab a turkey, and start running up and down the isle holding it above your head screaming 'TURKEY CAN'T FLY TURKEY CAN'T FLY TURKEY CAN'T FLY TUUUURRRRKEEEEYYYYYY'
26) Anytime Jehovah's witnesses come to your door with the latest pamphlets, explain that your cult doesn't allow reading.
27) If you are in a job position where you get to fire people, ask someone to read a memo over the intercom in less than 5 seconds (so they don't have time to read it beforehand) or they are fired, hand them one that says "I <their name here> am going to kill the President!". Proceed to call security, and call as many witnesses as you like
28) Talk to yourself loudly in a group of people, as if in a conversation. when someone asks you which person you are talking to demand why their mother never told them it was impolite to listen in on other peoples conversations!
29) When the girl scouts come to your door, run outside and do a rain dance until they leave.
30) Buy and use stuff from www.ducttapefashion.com (shameless, I know)
31) In the middle of the conversation, confuse someone with your 'Cousin Al' with the 'thing' on his toe.
32) Show up at a place you don't work at, and demand a raise.
33) Anytime a phone solicitor calls, either solicit them for sex, or convince them that you are actually the owner of the company they work for, and you don't appreciate calls on your day off.
34) Every so often, run out into the yard with a shovel and bash the same spot of ground every time. anyone asks what you are doing, exclaim 'I buried him 4 days ago, you'd think he'd have the common decency to STAY dead!' and storm off.
35) Begin every interview with 'No matter what you've heard, they were both dead when I found them'
36) For men - If you are visiting or live in a state that allows same sex marriages, show up at the courthouse or wherever. Then, when 2 lesbians go to get married, act like you are getting really turned on, and when they kiss, start hooting.
37) If you can't get through a line, start yelling 'Potty Emergency!' and run through everyone.
38) Anyone pats u on the back, get all nervous and say 'Don't touch me there, my rash is contagious!'
39) Purr.
40) Collect donations, when anyone asks what it's for, mumble something about scam victims and run away.
41) Take notes on a large notepad wherever you go, whatever you do. occasionally nod and go 'hhmmm'. when someone asks what you are writing, look at them pityingly and exclaim 'you poor bastard, you really have no idea what's happening.'
42) Tickle yourself in public, reduce yourself to tears while crying out 'Stop! No really, Stop!' 43) Replace your belt buckle with an elaborate bow. When anyone asks, say it's a present start unwrapping!
44) Whenever you see yourself in the mirror, attack.
45) When someone asks you a question, begin your answer with 'Uompa Loumpa Gobbledy Goo' (or Dee, or whatever rhymes with your response!)
46) Waist a lot of time creating a 'Keep a healthy level of Insanity' list
