Humor---Beer related...

[qjakal]

>^,,^< >^,,^< >^,,^< >^,,^<

Beer Warnings

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer brewers have accepted the suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer products:

1. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.

2. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

3. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

4. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

5. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

6. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

7. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

8. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.

9. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.

10. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

11. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

12. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

13. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

14. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

 

[Haltickling]

The positive aspect of it: They'll have to produce bigger bottles (at least gallon-size) for labels big enough for all that! 😀

 

[red indian]

Blimey! American beer??

They could try putting something decent in the bottle!

 

[qjakal]

Decent?

At the least the damn swill isn't hotter than the room we're drinking it in.... Hi Red, btw! Q

 

[venray]

# 14...definitely # 14..I wish that warning were out a few years back.....

 

[red indian]

I prefer german lagers myself

Hi Q good to see you its time we had a good argument!

 

[qjakal]

Qualify?

Think the correct temperature of beer qualifies? 🙂 Ah, what the hell, we can argue about almost anything if we bear down a bit, hmm? Nice to see you typing away again also, bud! Q

 

[Strelnikov]

Breakfast of champions...

The problem with American beers is that three big corporations control nearly the whole mass market. Lately, I've been drinking Mexican beer. The German beers that are exported here aren't the real thing, and as for British beer, well, the horse must have had kidney trouble.

I miss the beers of my youth: Simon Pure, Iroquois, Genessee, and that exotic import (from Pittsburgh) Iron City. Also Duke Bavarian, which sold for 88 cents a 6-pack in 1969. For you young folks, back then a paperback book was 60 cents, pack of smokes 45 cents, gas never more than 30 cents per gallon. Talk about maximum bang for the buck!

Strelnikov

 

[qjakal]

youth...

We drank Rolling Rock, because it was constantly on sale...lol... Q

 

[Strelnikov]

Rolling Rock

Yes! Drink enough of it, and the next day you felt like a BIG one had rolled over you.

Strelnikov

 

[Dave2112]

"Beer. The cause of, and solution to, all of life's little problems..." - Homer J. Simpson

😀

 

[Strelnikov]

Too Much Beer?

A man is driving late one Saturday night when a cop pulls him over. The policeman walked up to the man and asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"

"Why? Was I weaving?"

"No," replies the policeman, "you were driving fine. It's the ugly fat chick in the passenger seat that gave you away."



Strelnikov

 

[JoBelle]

BEER - Proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
--------------------------------------------------------
Personally, I think you can take your beer and trade up for tequila any day of the week. 🙂 MMM MMM MMMMmmmmmm
Joby

Red, darlin', ummm, I'd think as much as you drink, it'd all taste like water by now. 😛

 

[Strelnikov]

Natural Selection

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole herd is maintained or even improved by the regular culling of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through which the electrical signals pass. Recent epidemiological studies have shown that while excessive intake of alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. Thus, regular consumption of beer helps eliminate the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And THAT's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.


See, Joby? Red isn't a drunkard, he's just trying to improve his mind!

Strelnikov

 

[JoBelle]

Re: Natural Selection

See, Joby? Red isn't a drunkard, he's just trying to improve his mind!Strelnikov

Strel, Now that I've wiped the tears of laughter from my eyes....hehe

I must be working, he even SOUNDS more intelligent after he's had a few pints. Either that, or he's just more entertaining. *giggle*
Joby

Red, do try to keep up, Love. That's two posts takin' the piss out o'ya and you've yet to respond. Are ya layin' in a pool of lager? BTW, how's my Brit-speak comin' along? 😛