Husband slowly bringing wife into the tickle kink

[qbtkler]

I’m sure this topic has been covered more than once but i was looking to see if there were any new/fresh ideas. The question is geared more towards those that are married/in a relationship but all answers are welcomed!

My wife and I have been together for over 12 years. I revealed my kink to her while we were still in college, although I don’t think she understodd the full scope it. Throughout college and beyond, the tickling was pretty limited, mainly in the fact that no bondage was involved. (I’m partially to blame because poor college me had to resort to using neckties which ended up hurting the wrists)

Although i was extremely happy with the situation I was in, there as still a part of me that was somewhat unsatisfied. After reading some of the threads on this board, I decided to sit down and talk to her about it. I told her how I felt, especially the bondage part of it. She, being the loving wife that she is, said she was willing to go along with it. So we’ve slowly been moving further in the kink, her letting me use tickle tools and oils to solely for tickling. I even bought an under-the-bed restraint system so she would be more comfortable with the bondage. We got to use it last weekend and while I’m not going to lie and say she absolutely loved it, she said it was fun enough to try again.

So here’s where I’m seeking some advice. I want to make this as fun and enjoyable for her as possible so it’s not a one-sided thing. I’m looking for ideas to help achieve that, be it games or any of ideas that others do and enjoy in their life. As an aside, she doesn’t really have any kinks or fetishes. I’m open to any and all ideas so let me know what you got! Thanks

 

[croaker68]

Let her also strap you in and tickle you so she can maybe better understand the excitement of having a helpless lover laughing themselves silly while being free to tickle the bejeebers out of them. Also make sure that when she is strapped in that she always has a happy ending (or more than one)

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[qbtkler]

Let her also strap you in and tickle you so she can maybe better understand the excitement of having a helpless lover laughing themselves silly while being free to tickle the bejeebers out of them. Also make sure that when she is strapped in that she always has a happy ending (or more than one)

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Thanks for the advice man. Just to add a little more context based off your reply:

1. She has absolutely no interest in reversing roles. I suggested it to her (even though I’m strictly a ler) but she said she wasn’t interested. She’s waaaay to awkward to be the dominant one lol (with the exception being teasing me with her feet)

2. Goes without saying that there will ALWAYS be a happy ending or two during these sessions. Unfortunately her monthly visitor was here when we broke in the restraints so that wasn’t really an option for us lol

 

[Myriads]

The position that you are in is already a very good one. And for a number of reasons.

You have a high level of communication in your relationship, and you both show an ability and willingness to hear the other without first interjecting your own views first. This has allowed you two to reach where you are.

From what you say your wife is not into tickling, and doesn't take sexual pleasure from the experience directly. That is not going to change. There is no magic trick that makes one suddenly like something. However, your wife is sexually generous. She cares about you and your happiness, and as a result is willing to participate in an activity she doesn't directly benefit from, because it makes you happy. And it is in that aspect, that it makes you happy, she gets the 'reward' that adds value to the experience.

This is a 'generous' response situation, akin to the pleasure one gets in giving a gift to a loved one with no expectation of one in return. You are happy because they are happy and you played a part in that.

Sex is often like this gift giving situation. Two people trade themselves to the other, sometimes because they get direct pleasure, sometimes because it makes their partner happy, sometimes because their partner makes them happy. It's not always an equal exchange in every discrete interaction, but an average across ALL the interactions. Over time what one gives and gets equalizes.

My advice is that you shouldn't focus on making the tickling experience as a whole somehow 'for her' as much as you should take efforts to show her how deeply you enjoy and appreciate that she is gifting you with the experience. Your own arousal is one way. But saying showing and being one to reinforce your own like of things are others. Tell her why you like what she is showing, why it turns you in, how it makes her seem so damned sexy to you and so forth. In return for her giving herself to you to tickle, give back to her your pleasure in the experience, and why its such for you.

Outside the tickling stuff, keep communicating with her, and tell her that you appreciate her generosity in the tickling realm, and ask if there is something, even if she feels its silly or not even directly in the bedroom that you can offer or do that would please her. Perhaps she'd like to have a special time with you once a week for a meal or dance class or whatever. Perhaps she'd like to use those restraints on you and see how crazy she can make you with a foot job. Who knows. But I wager there is a 'gift' that may appeal.

That you two communicate well means odds are there you two can find it.

It's nice to see a healthy relationship in action.

Myriads

 

[qbtkler]

The position that you are in is already a very good one. And for a number of reasons.

You have a high level of communication in your relationship, and you both show an ability and willingness to hear the other without first interjecting your own views first. This has allowed you two to reach where you are.

From what you say your wife is not into tickling, and doesn't take sexual pleasure from the experience directly. That is not going to change. There is no magic trick that makes one suddenly like something. However, your wife is sexually generous. She cares about you and your happiness, and as a result is willing to participate in an activity she doesn't directly benefit from, because it makes you happy. And it is in that aspect, that it makes you happy, she gets the 'reward' that adds value to the experience.

This is a 'generous' response situation, akin to the pleasure one gets in giving a gift to a loved one with no expectation of one in return. You are happy because they are happy and you played a part in that.

Sex is often like this gift giving situation. Two people trade themselves to the other, sometimes because they get direct pleasure, sometimes because it makes their partner happy, sometimes because their partner makes them happy. It's not always an equal exchange in every discrete interaction, but an average across ALL the interactions. Over time what one gives and gets equalizes.

My advice is that you shouldn't focus on making the tickling experience as a whole somehow 'for her' as much as you should take efforts to show her how deeply you enjoy and appreciate that she is gifting you with the experience. Your own arousal is one way. But saying showing and being one to reinforce your own like of things are others. Tell her why you like what she is showing, why it turns you in, how it makes her seem so damned sexy to you and so forth. In return for her giving herself to you to tickle, give back to her your pleasure in the experience, and why its such for you.

Outside the tickling stuff, keep communicating with her, and tell her that you appreciate her generosity in the tickling realm, and ask if there is something, even if she feels its silly or not even directly in the bedroom that you can offer or do that would please her. Perhaps she'd like to have a special time with you once a week for a meal or dance class or whatever. Perhaps she'd like to use those restraints on you and see how crazy she can make you with a foot job. Who knows. But I wager there is a 'gift' that may appeal.

That you two communicate well means odds are there you two can find it.

It's nice to see a healthy relationship in action.

Myriads

Hey man,

Thank you so much for you excellent, well thought-out response.

First, I do consider myself EXTREMELY LUCKY to be in the position I’m in, especially given the fact that she grew up in a pretty conservative area. Also, reading the experiences of others on this board regarding their partners aversion to the kink has made me realize how lucky I am to have had even the limited form of tickle play we shared previously.

Second , I can honestly say I have the TMF to thank for the openness I’ve had with her regarding my kink. Growing up, I was ashamed of it and never really shared it so extensively with anyone else. I didn’t really fully detail the affinity I had for tickling to my wife until recently, when I found myself on the personals pages fantasizing about finding a tickle side-piece of sorts. After searching “is tickling considered cheating”, I felt it was time to do an internal evaluation of my current position and figure out what to do. It was this board that provided me with the simple solution: JUST TALK TO HER ABOUT IT. I did and it has worked out for me since.

Third, thanks for removing the blinders re: my reciprocation having to be specifically sexual. I’ve already taken you up on that advice and we are going to be renting a movie that she has been reaaaally been dying to see, one that obviously I have no interest in. I plan on searching for actual fun stuff, like a cooking class, dancing, or whatever if is that shows her how appreciative I am.

As an aside, My intention wasn’t to find a way to turn my wife into a ticklephlle like most of us here. I’m pretty sure that is not gonna happen (although it would be orettt cool if it did ��). I was seeking suggestions for ways of keeping her engaged during a tickle session so that way it is not COMPLETELY about me. Like a game or something similar.

Either way, thanks again for the awesome advice that I definitely intend to use, muuuch sooner rather than later! Also, thank you for answering my question and not telling me to my my post to another forum/sub forum ��

 

[Myriads]

Not a problem, and it belonged here as much as the other places it may have.

I consider it tickling discussion, as you re speaking about how tickling effects you and your relationship so fair game to put here.

I'm always pleased to hear the forum has made a difference in your life, it's what I hoped for it when I took on the Admin position almost twenty years ago. I used to make posts like the above much more often in the past, but over the years other voices have joined in, and often it's not needful anymore. Which I see as another victory for the community.

I'm glad that you've found some ways to bring some things she likes. My advice came from a place that involves one of my core ideas about relationships. That they are wholes, and that the sexual aspects are not separate from the whole, though our culture try to make us see them as something apart. So balance is and can be found across the entire relationship for different parts. And in fact are best balanced thusly.

I'm glad you are seeing a path that works for you.

And your wife is engaged when you do the tickle play with you. She is your focus and her reactions are for you, and she knows that. It's not that she needs to engage with the tickling, its that she IS engaged with you, and thats why its been working already.

Myriads