njjen3953
4th Level Orange Feather
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2001
- Messages
- 2,858
- Points
- 0
THE DIARY OF A VIAGRA WIFE
Day 1 ~ Our silver wedding anniversary and a big flop in ever sense
of the word. When I tried to re-enact our wedding night, he hid in
the bathroom, weeping quietly.
Day 2 ~ He took me out for a lovely meal and told me his big secret.
Said he wanted me to be the first to know that he's impotent. Wish
he'd tell me some thing I don't know. He's had problems for so long
that even walks with a limp.
Day 3 ~ I've got to face it. This marriage is in trouble. A girl's
got needs too, you know! Batteries are so expensive but I've got to
have something!
Day 4 ~ Looking through holiday books and burst into tears at the
sight of Nelson's Column.
Day 5 ~ At last! A big grin on his face when he told me about the
new "miracle" drug Viagra. I told him to get some and every thing
would be just like on our wedding night. I even promised that this
time I'd call out his name during the height of my passion.
Day 6 ~ What a wonderful morning! Every thing's perfect. The birds
are singing, the sun's shining, all's right with the world. My needs
have been satisfied and I'm fulfilled. At last he can raise more than
a smile!
Day 7 ~ Again? A girl could get used to this, and I'll save a fortune
on batteries.
Day 8 ~ Ok...he's getting a bit too cocky and out of hand, literally.
I seem to have caught his new habit of using double entendres. He
said if he can find any ways to stop using them, he'll give me one,
but all he wants is for me to have happiness for as long as he can
give it.
Day 9 ~ This has got to stop! We were in McDonalds and the girl asked
if he wanted it large and he said "no thanks, I've got a whopper all
ready." He's stopped using the strimmer in the garden. Instead, he's
using his "new best friend" as a weed wacker. He came home saying
that the doctor's told him that he has to make love at least once a
day to avoid reterning to his old problem. I told him to put me down
for Monday, Wednesday and Fridays.
Day 10 ~ I'm in hiding. He's started to wash down the Viagra with
Woodpecker cider. The photos of Mrs. Thatcher I've pinned up every
where around the house are not having the desired effect. It's like
dating a Black and Decker ~ I'm being drilled to death. We've ruined
two headboards so far, and the wall behind the bed needs re-
plastering. What to do?
Day 11 ~ Why can't he turn gay? I've bought him all of Liza Minelli's
CDs and tickets to the Village People concerts, but he's still coming
after me.
Day 12 ~ Getting tired of these sneak attacks. Bending over to load
the washing machine is now a thing of the past. It's like being
pursued by a Minuteman missile... I've devised a cunning plan,
though.
Day 13 ~ Oh no! The plan didn't work! I tried dressing up as a nun
to deter him but he said that one of his fantasies revolves around
penguins, and as I was already dressed the part...
Day 14 ~ That's it! I just can't take it any more! I think I'm going
to have to kill him. There's only one problem, though ~ how on earth
will they ever gett the lid closed on his coffin?
Day 1 ~ Our silver wedding anniversary and a big flop in ever sense
of the word. When I tried to re-enact our wedding night, he hid in
the bathroom, weeping quietly.
Day 2 ~ He took me out for a lovely meal and told me his big secret.
Said he wanted me to be the first to know that he's impotent. Wish
he'd tell me some thing I don't know. He's had problems for so long
that even walks with a limp.
Day 3 ~ I've got to face it. This marriage is in trouble. A girl's
got needs too, you know! Batteries are so expensive but I've got to
have something!
Day 4 ~ Looking through holiday books and burst into tears at the
sight of Nelson's Column.
Day 5 ~ At last! A big grin on his face when he told me about the
new "miracle" drug Viagra. I told him to get some and every thing
would be just like on our wedding night. I even promised that this
time I'd call out his name during the height of my passion.
Day 6 ~ What a wonderful morning! Every thing's perfect. The birds
are singing, the sun's shining, all's right with the world. My needs
have been satisfied and I'm fulfilled. At last he can raise more than
a smile!
Day 7 ~ Again? A girl could get used to this, and I'll save a fortune
on batteries.
Day 8 ~ Ok...he's getting a bit too cocky and out of hand, literally.
I seem to have caught his new habit of using double entendres. He
said if he can find any ways to stop using them, he'll give me one,
but all he wants is for me to have happiness for as long as he can
give it.
Day 9 ~ This has got to stop! We were in McDonalds and the girl asked
if he wanted it large and he said "no thanks, I've got a whopper all
ready." He's stopped using the strimmer in the garden. Instead, he's
using his "new best friend" as a weed wacker. He came home saying
that the doctor's told him that he has to make love at least once a
day to avoid reterning to his old problem. I told him to put me down
for Monday, Wednesday and Fridays.
Day 10 ~ I'm in hiding. He's started to wash down the Viagra with
Woodpecker cider. The photos of Mrs. Thatcher I've pinned up every
where around the house are not having the desired effect. It's like
dating a Black and Decker ~ I'm being drilled to death. We've ruined
two headboards so far, and the wall behind the bed needs re-
plastering. What to do?
Day 11 ~ Why can't he turn gay? I've bought him all of Liza Minelli's
CDs and tickets to the Village People concerts, but he's still coming
after me.
Day 12 ~ Getting tired of these sneak attacks. Bending over to load
the washing machine is now a thing of the past. It's like being
pursued by a Minuteman missile... I've devised a cunning plan,
though.
Day 13 ~ Oh no! The plan didn't work! I tried dressing up as a nun
to deter him but he said that one of his fantasies revolves around
penguins, and as I was already dressed the part...
Day 14 ~ That's it! I just can't take it any more! I think I'm going
to have to kill him. There's only one problem, though ~ how on earth
will they ever gett the lid closed on his coffin?
