I have depression

[oxoforgotso]

And I just wanted to tell someone. Anyone who would listen. I have had it since I was 14 and I am 21 years old now and not a single person in my life knows or has ever even suspected it. No family member knows, none of my best friends know either.

I just wouldn't want people to think different of me, I wouldn't want them to worry if they were going to see me again. And if I came clean I don't think anyone would believe that i have had it for so long. The mask that I wear to hide it gets really heavy sometimes and I just want relief.

I would be lying if I said that I haven't had happy times in the past 7 years, because I have had them. I have had a lot actually, some great memories that I would never change and will cherish forever. But as anyone with it will know how easy it is to feel like shit, how hard it can be to get out of that and how sometimes you can get in a really dark place. The dark place where you feel like crying yourself to sleep. The dark place where you get to a point where you feel there is only one solution.

I remember one very fucked up night I almost tried that solution, but there was this little tiny voice inside me that told me to keep going, so I did. Getting through that and looking back makes me feel really strong as a person, even though I can feel completely broken sometimes.

I know I'm stuck with it forever. I know there is no cure insight.

I just wanted to tell someone. I wish I could shout it from the rooftops sometimes. I think, ironically that if everyone I cared about knew I had it, I would feel happier. Until then, I would like to thank you for taking the time to listen to me by reading this.

You don't have to know me & I don't have to know you, but from the bottom of my heart, I fucking thank you 🙂

 

[ticklishdanny]

You should seek professional help as soon as possible. Suicide is a scary thing. I'm sure there are plenty of people who really care for you and if you're in trouble or feel that badly about something it's okay to ask for help. Your friends and family are there to support you. Live life to the fullest and be happy.

 

[Bothersome]

I have to go with danny on this.

It sounds like a lot of these feelings are being heavily repressed from hiding them for so long. Talking it out with a professional could make a world of difference.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

Even if you aren't feeling suicidal and don't anticipate ever feeling that way again, there's no reason you have to just suffer with depression for the rest of your life. Talk therapy is a great way to develop coping skills and get some insight from someone else. If you're not into that, you can see your family doctor for antidepressants. You don't need a psychiatrist to prescribe them. They're often very cheap. Even without insurance, many pharmacies have them on their $10 for a 90 day supply list, not to mention the countless free samples that drug reps are always handing out to doctor's offices. Side effects exist, but they're often minimal, and there are so many different options out there, that if a side effect is really bothering you, your doctor can try you on something else.

Seriously, give it some thought. You might not even realize how bad you feel until you start to feel better, then you'll wish you had done it sooner.

Good luck.

 

[Jagermeistered]

There are two types of suicidal people...

One... They blow their brains out, hang themselves, etc - they mean business...

Two... The person who wants help!

If you want to live; please! Seek help....

 

[kopfhorer]

Add my voice to the chorus of folks advising you to seek out help. Just a couple of caveats:

Quite a few public mental health clinics tend to assume that everyone who walks through the door is a schizophrenic, and treats them accordingly. If you go this route, make sure their attitude is better than this.

If you're experiencing bad side effects from your medications and your doctor won't listen to your concerns then run, do not walk, to another doctor who will listen to you.

 

[Crazy Wabbit]

And I just wanted to tell someone. Anyone who would listen. I have had it since I was 14 and I am 21 years old now and not a single person in my life knows or has ever even suspected it. No family member knows, none of my best friends know either.

Seek professional help. Please! At least do that much for yourself. As far as family and friends go, unless they have it themselves, they are not going to offer or be that much support to you because they're not going to understand or be able to empathize with what you're going through. For some reason, our society has a lot of people who are sympathetic if a person has physical conditions, such as heart problems, diabetes, cancer, etc. However, if the person has mental, emotional or psychological problems, they have the tendency to either keep it "hush hush" because people will think you're "crazy" or they will downplay what you're going through, such as telling you "Snap out of it", "Keep busy or get your mind on something else", "You'll be okay. You just need to talk to yourself and say I am not going to let this get me down" or "That's no big deal. Everybody gets depressed from time to time." That last quote just goes to show you how people mistaken sadness from depression. Sadness comes and goes. Depression stays with you.

I remember one very fucked up night I almost tried that solution, but there was this little tiny voice inside me that told me to keep going.....

Always remember that. And never let that go.

I know I'm stuck with it forever. I know there is no cure insight.

Nothing last forever. Stuck with it for now? Unfortunately, yes. Stuck with it for the rest of your life? I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. They haven't came up with a shot to give someone that goes into your brain or DNA structure and is able to correct things that are not working properly.

I think, ironically that if everyone I cared about knew I had it, I would feel happier.

You can still tell them. I think it might be good if they know, that is if they are reasonable and understanding people. All I am saying is they might not be able to empathize or relate to it unless they themselves have it or know of someone else who does.

You don't have to know me & I don't have to know you, but from the bottom of my heart, I fucking thank you 🙂

No problem. I have bipolar so I know a bit of what you're going through. You took your first step by talking to someone, even though it was not face to face and was only online. Now, the next step you should take is finding a psychologist to work with you. Believe me, they will be a lot more help to you than family, friends and anyone online. And if for some reason the first one you pick doesn't work out, don't give up. Keep searching. Finding one that works best for you is sometimes the luck of the draw; if you happen to find that person on your first try, you were extremely lucky. I found mine on my fourth. Good luck!

 

[Speedbump]

Seek professional help, or just block it all out with weed and alcohol. I might be unhappy while sober, but at least I only have to be sober(ish) when I'm working to get money to buy more weed and alcohol.

Oh yeah. Now this is a solution. Such tremendous, helpful advice.

But I took some depression test from a doctor and scored a 22/25 which is apparently severely depressed, and was given Cipralex. I recommend looking into it as a last resort, as it has the fewest side effects of most, if not all, anti-depressants (I didn't notice any that I am aware of) and seemed to help quite a bit, though you can't drink or anything with it if you want it to work properly, and you need to take it regularly for a year at least before weening off in order to have the results last. Check into it. Somewhat expensive, though, but I got a hook up from a Pharmacist friend.

Exercise helps quite a bit with relieving depression, though I found it was only for the short term.

There's always baths with specific ingredients like vanilla that can help relieve anxiety/depression and help you relax if you wanna look it up. In general, though, you are likely just lacking in serotonin and prescription medication such as that Cipralex will help. People could tell you to man up and whatever, but if you don't have the serotonin, you don't have it. Period.

Marley's Mellow Mood tea or whatever you call it is a natural anti-depressant that you can buy bottles of to help you sleep. The main ingredient, Valerian Root acts as a sedative and makes ya feel goooooood. A good nights sleep is another way to reduce depression, so maybe try it now and then if you can find it.

I'm also addicted to caffeine 'cause it makes me feel happier for a while and gives me energy and motivation to do things, but once again, that's only for the short term, and when I'm crashing, I might actually become worse than when I started. Also it fucks with my sleep quite a bit, which can make things worse.

Or go spend a lot of money on therapy and have some idiot talk to you like he knows what's up.