I may have had a world changing event tonight

[cletus-factor]

At work, God knows why I even brought it up, but 3 of my co-workers know about my tickling fetish now. And while I'm not worried that everyone will soon know, these co-workers aren't the type, one of them did potentially turn my whole world upside down.

So, today I'm sitting here before work, getting all worked up looking at tickling porn. Bought a few more clips, stuff I had wanted for a while. And this past week I've been becoming ever more entranced by the whole notion of tickling. It might be that time of the month for me (yes, guys have it to, no not PMS). Knows since last May when I graduated with my first degree and left all my friends behind, then subsequently stopped playing videogames this past fall, I've had more time to think, and realize how terribly bad I have wanted a tickling experience.

Back to tonight. So, I'm talking with the one co-worker and I told her about it. She's the kind of person who drives 55 because the sign says to, and thinks that one sip of alcohol can turn anyone into an alcoholic. So you know what kind of a person I'm talking to. Still, I like her. She's smart, funny, and if she wasn't 51 I would ask her out. As it is, I hooked her up with my father who is a lot like me and 60. Anyway, so I tell her about the whole tickling thing, it didn't seem to bother her so much, except for the fact that for the past 3 months I've been really seriously contemplating getting into the whole production of side of things. Now she made 2 very good points. One is that porn TENDS to exploit people. I didn't consider myself an exploiter. I would prefer that the tickling be consenual and that each person involved got something out of it. But then she mentioned something that really hit home with me. She said that the act of tickling itself gives power over someone else and in that way it has the great potential of being abused. I have a philosophy minor and I could see that this argument does make sense. And I also have become aware of the fact that I love bondage with my tickling. I even "get off" on the fact that I'm in control, even though I know that it's consenual.

So tonight driving home from work, I kept the radio turned down, and I thought long and hard for the 30 minute trip home. Maybe getting into making porn would be bad for me as a person. My soul as it were. Perhaps I'd best wait for the tickling action to happen when I'm with someone I love, what is that word anyway, I'm only 25. And that is my problem. I'm a 25 year old male who is about ready to burst from his own skin with sexual energy. I want so badly for this thing to happen sooner than later, and so I stand on a fence. On one side lies the side of corruption. I could get my tickling thrill now, and possibly lose myself in the process by becoming a pornographer. On the other side is the life that would be ideal...a white picket fence in front of a nice home with a car that works, 2 kids, an accounting job, and a wife who loves me. I don't have any girlfriends as of right now and so that is why I stand upon a fence.


Love to hear your thoughts...
Know that I've been reading this forum unlike most of our producers and I think that if I were to become a porn producer I think that I could do very well with the right equipment and models. I just don't know if that's for me though.

 

[cletus-factor]

I should like to add that this is a really deep issue for me. When I was about 3, maybe 4. I have a memory of my mother and I sitting on her bed. In pictures from that time she was a gorgeous woman. Of course I had no idea at 3, but I remember us comparing our hands and our feet. I do not know if it was that moment that I became a foot fetishist, it would be so damned odd and there is really no evidence that that could lead me to be that way, but then there is another fact and occurence that happened early on in my life.

One night my mother's father was up to see us in our apartment and I must have been 4 or 5. We each 3 of us got into a tickling fight. My grandfather loves tickling. He tickled the shit out of me as a kid, maybe too much, and continues to this day to try and tickle me. Which I'm really hating, but anyway...I don't remember who tried to tickle who's feet, but I remember someone saying that feet are to be left alone. Could it be that moment?

And then there is the fact that my grandfather molested his own daughter, my mother on numerous occasions. I later found out even after my parent's divorce when we were living (my mother and I) at the apartments I just mentioned that he had done it there too.

And at about 13 when I realized I liked girls I realized that I definitely had a thing for feet and tickling. I had witnessed it on an episode of Yogi Bear and the TMNT cartoons. I had tried it out on my babysitter when I was maybe 9, and I was crazy for it.

But now I see myself as potentially an image of my grandfather. Mind you I have never had a thing for kids, and if I ever had a daughter and did that thing, I'd rather kill myself, if even a thought like that occurred to me. What he did was the most vile, and then he was a 2nd father to me. (What a fucking situation huh?) I see myself as my grandfather in that maybe he got me into tickling. Not that this is an entirely bad thing, but with the bondage and power play, it might be.

I don't know, what do you guys make of this?

 

[cletus-factor]

And lol, last comment I swear until I get a reply. If I did say to hell with tickling, I'm not sure that I would have any passion of the flesh anymore. I have never had a girlfriend and I have never been really attracted to pictures of a woman's you know what (I'm not gay either). I do like the female figure, but I just don't know about the whole sex thing. I'm gonna get banged for being a virgin, oh well.

 

[tk0]

Well, I think that the cartoons would have got you into tickling rather than if that experience with your grandfather ever happened or not. I know that's what got me. If you don't see yourself doing anything like your grandfather did then there really shouldn't be a problem. with the bondage and powerplay I'm not so sure about.

 

[batch1]

I don't know, what do you guys make of this?

i think you think too much, heh. guess you have to to study philosophy.

now here's my expert, 21 year old computer nerd advice:

don't get into porn if you're on the fence about it, as you appear to be. plus, you have a career going, so there's no need.

that being said, don't deny your fetish. it's part of you as a sexual being. if you're not happy with it, there is tons and tons and TONS of therapy to go through to MAYBE get it out of you, but let's face it, our fetish is relatively harmless. chances are you will subconciously be attracted to a mate that will be willing to explore this fetish with you (ive done it three times now! me! nerd ball me!). just keep it fun and you'll be fine.

watch some mst3k from time to time, heh. every brain needs a break, man.

 

[TheChameleon]

Cletus! Your a virgin too?

Sheeeeeeit, don't worry mang, I'm EXACTLY the same (sorta) as you in that category, I don't want to have sex, it doesn't seem right, or natural to me. (its weird, huh?)

I'm just a ticklee, thats what I do. Besides, I want to quote somebody who's really awesome, and gave me some excellent advice once.

"Regular sex is boring, my hubbie likens sex to food. Some people really like spicy food, other people like bland food, some people will eat both, others won't." <-- Well, its not exact, and, its probably not as well stated as they told me, but, its the gist of said conversation. (by the way, this person's AWESOME!)

Anyway, here's the full meal deal. I'm A 21 year old kid, doing what he can to get where he wants to go, and, instead of having sex, I do the tickle scene. Whats the actual difference there? I mean... really?

 

[cletus-factor]

Maybe I'll get EXTREMELY lucky and find a mate who wouldn't mind making videos lol.

 

[wendith]

Hey Cletus -

I so agree that you are overthinking the whole thing. You are a sexual being, and looking for an outlet for that energy. Instead of getting yourself lost in the technical sexual aspects - porn and bondage and tickling (which in my mind IS bondage, just dressed up to look cutesy, so people don't feel so wierd about it), find someone you truly connect with and who turns you on, and the rest will flow.
By the way, you have MANY more choices in life than the two you mentioned, Fence Sitter... hmmmm....become a Tickling Pornographer or marry a good girl and have 2 kids and a white picket fence (I say you would still be sitting on that fence, and white pickets tend to be VERY uncomfortable.)
Just relax, and find some REAL PEOPLE to talk to! Be honest with yourself about what you want, okay? Everything is going to be just fine.
Wendith

 

[Journia]

I would say, get off of the fence. Simply because, it isn't too good to sit on the fence. By being there, everything of value may not be able to reach you. You may get the wife, with the kids, she may love you at first, but then....she turns on you. Your kids might become child molesters. (It is proven already that things like this are passed down already)

So, if you get off the fence, and instead of taking a side, explore everything that you find to your liking, while considering their moral consequences in your perspective, or not considering them at all, your call, you will be guided to that which you feel to be most right, and perhaps, depending on your belief system, that which you were destined for.

 

[Betchass1]

Hi Cletus.
Your sexual energy won't go away. If you're drawn to the porn, you're drawn to the porn; your libido is something to be respected, and clearly it's not satisfied. It's not "nice" to be somewhat predatory, but if you are, you are. When people deny it, they act out in other areas of their lives without admitting it to themselves, and I think that's worse. The Jeckyl and Hyde syndrome.

It's tragic what your grandfather did, and that you found out when you did. There are no rules on how to respond to that. I suspect the best you can do is find a way that it won't stand in the way of you living your life, whether you reject him completely, as some do, or forgive him, or somewhere in between. You don't owe your mental health to anyone; if it's difficult for you, you don't have to put yourself through it for someone else's sake.

 

[randomguy85]

my five cents

Alright, well, my first thoughts...

1. What your grandfather did was his doing. No one is saying that because he did such an awful thing, that you will follow in his footsteps. "I am Isildur's heir, not Isildur himself."

2. Yes, tickling and bondage to reflect a sort of empowering position on a person, but that's why people establish limits, boundaries, safe words and all other precautions. Worst case scenario, you're tickling a girl, you get possessed and keep going, she starts freaking, your camera man smacks you over the head, 'oops'. (That's a joke, that wouldn't happen... I hope)

3. If you really want to make tickling videos... there's a lot of work and time that's going to have to go into that. And you do not want to sacrifice your job for that. If you do have the time, however, mind that you'll need many different elements going into this. You'll need a proper space that wont disturb others. You'll need equipment (Camera, bondage equipment, editing programs, optional microphones) you'll need money to pay cast and crew, and yes, above all else you will need to find women who are willing to be tied down and tickled while you or someone else films, and then be payed for it. And you don't have to, but a crew could help. That way one can film different angles and one can tickle. Though you could just use a tripod, film different angles and then edit them together, but those are just some options.

Point is, this isn't something that will consume your life or your soul. You just have to be smart and manage yourself. A whole other path you could take, find a girlfriend, especially one who may be willing to explore this fetish with you, and if you want to make videos that bad, convince her to make some just for you. And if she's not shy, convince her to make some with you to be broadcast/sold to the community.

Much confusion in you, do I see. Trust yourself you must, and what you feel is right. Much time have you before choosing your final destiny, do not haste to achieve it too early.