Important

[Mr.Teehehe]

PLEASE BEAR WITH ME BECAUSE THIS IS A LONG POST I KNOW THAT I'M ABOUT TO MAKE.

Me and my girlfriend were talking last night and everything that we talked about was going good.

Until she brought up about us moving in together and her moving here. And she put it in a way and worded it in a way as This is just a question don't take this the wrong way or anything ''But what if i never move with you what would do you think and feel? would you hate me?''

And as being such a kind and gentle and loving guy that i am i told her honestly that all the hard work and over comings that we both have made and our making now still would be pointless and a waste if you never moved with me too be together.

And then right after i said that she turned it around on me again and said ''So you would hate me?'' so that's all i need to hear.

And i tried to explain to her that yes i would be very heart broken and hurt and disappointed if she never moved in and we moved together like we had planned on for so long and that our goal was for that and that took place. But she has changed her mind about maybe 3 times about moving with me. Because before it was a no and then after few months she had to think about it so i gave her all the time in the world to think about it and then she gave it some long thought and told me that yes she did want to move with me.

So after that she goes on and say's to me that okay but i'm still not hearing that you wouldn't hate me so that just answered my question right there is what she told me.

And then i had to explain to her again that i wouldn't hate her if she did that i just said that i would be disappointed and very hurt and heart broken (because to me being hurt and very heart broken is DIFFERENT then hating someone) right?

And then she goes on and tells me that okay i don't think you understand where i'm coming from that's all i'm saying. And then i told her that yes i do understand where your coming from i do. Then me saying again that i def do understand where she is coming from and that i don't hate her or think she is a bad person or that i want her out of my life forever or i don't not want to see her again etc

And then as i said that she told me,okay how could you understand where i'm coming from on this? I mean do you really get what i'll be doing or leaving behide if or when i do go to move with you?

And then me explaining to her that yes i do totally understand and get it and i do understand where she is coming from. Then she told me well i hope you do because it doesn't seem like you get it,and it's like your trying to make me feel bad about how i'm feeling and what i'm telling you.

I have talked long and for many many hours with my parents over this (this conversion with me and her just happend last night) and my parents have been through many THINGS so i needed the love and support of my parents.

And from talking about this with my parents they gave me thier opinion's on the whole matter and really sound advice and thier thoughts of this and also about her my girlfriend and i did listen.

And my parents feelings on this was that she has been using me all along and wrapping me around her little finger and using me as a puppet on a string and has control over me. My girlfriend has only had one other boyfriend and her last boyfriend broke up with her his name was Mark but she didn't and wouldn't go into details with me and open up to me why her last boyfriend broke up with her she kept the bottle shut on that. She never said anything about it.

Because the thing is my girlfriend's family (and i have never met her family) but from what my girlfriend has told me her family is a roller coaster her family is up and down (and then okay again) and then up and down (and then okay again) like a roller coaster. That's all she knows and is used to really with her family is chaos and non stop complete and total drama after drama of some sort always (her Grandparents who she still lives with my girlfriend does,her real parents,and aunts,cousins,sisters) And me and my girlfriend have talked many times about her family and just how much drama and chaos is in her family. Alot more so in her family then my family. But that's when she does feel like opening up to me that is. And when my girlfriend does open up to me she has said little things like this not often but she has (with what happend last night and what we talked about) she knows that i will say i'm sorry and because she knows just what to say to get me feeling sorry for myself and put to guilt trip onto myself.

And also when me and my girlfriend were talking about this i suddenly thought that it was me as to why she doesn't wanna move in together. And she told me that it wasn't me at all it wasn't me but some how i still think it is and then she started telling me that it's her then that is the bad person and that she the heart less person because she thought that she could talk to me about anything but she guesses that she was wrong and that she thought that i really loved her but maybe that she was wrong about that as well for thinking that i would understand how she felt. And didn't say that i couldn't feel hurt or sad but she honestly didn't wanna hurt me she knew that i would be disappointed and sad. But she didn't hurt me at all and that i was making it sound like she did this on purpose and that i was calling her a heart less person and a witch (Bitch) even if i didn't say it in thoses words.

What started this was she told me last night how she wanted to start taking some classes to get a better paying Job and that i knew about i am totally happy with and supporting of her i really am . ''But that she is always thinking of others and what would make them happy. But no one ever thinks of me and what would make me happpy it's always about what i can do for them. So i'm just trying to do what i can now for me so i know i'm okay in the world. Do you get it?''

And then she told me about how we're both young and that we have the whole life ahead of us and that if someone really loved me they would want that for me too,i would think so anyways. Is what she told me.

And hearing all my parents opinion's on this and thier advice and matter on this. They also told me from hearing everything what about me and her said to each other that they think that I loved her more then she truely loved me that my love for her and feelings for her was more given and open was true then she hers was for me.

And then right as the conversion with her and me was coming to a close.

She told that she never said that she wasn't going to move in with me but that's what i'm making it sound like she said. Which never came out of her mouth so if i wanna be all mad at her for nothing then that's fine,I said that i understood. But she guesses that i lied about that,huh? Maybe it wouldn't be a good idea if i moved in with you and living together if i am going to be like this. Now i said it,I'm not moving. So she told me that i can be mad all i want to now and hate her all that i want. And she told me thank you so much for hurting me and you promised me that you would never do that and now you have. She was trying to explain the side of her story and how she feels. But she guesses that my feelings mean nothing to me so that's nice. And that she never said that our Relationship was nothing. So how dare that i try to say that,that she even enply that. But she guesses that i feel that way. So she guesses that i was wrong in thinking that i loved her.


And through me and hers conversion i was not yelling at her or raising any voices or calling her bad cuss names or telling her to get away from me etc

I was calm and level headed and collected and very calm minded. I dont have any mad or upset bones in my entire body that's not the kind of guy that i am. So now i gotta do even some more praying and figuere out how i want to handle this with my parents advice and my parents opinion's about me and hers conversion and our Relationship with my girlfriend since i haven't talked to her since this conversion last night. I'm going to let things cool off for a bit.

 

[Mr.Teehehe]

And i have had another former girlfriend use me and walk all over me before too and play me like a puppet on a string and i have had another girlfriend cheat on me before as well with some other guy that i didn't know that she was in college with.

 

[ILove2Tickle1]

First off, that royally sucks. She was doing the "all about me, and I just want to blame you for it" bit. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

From your description of her & familiy, if I had to guess, I would say that her whole family is bi-polar. That's the roller coaster reactions you've described. If so, they all need to have medication to help level things out. I have 2 friends who are bi-polar so I've got some input on that thought.

As for her turning everything arround on you, that is an indication of her using you. IF I had to guess, I'd say you're the "support me while I don't have another guy" guy. I had a girlfriend who did the same kind of thing to me. She is quite possibly cheating on you. I know you don't want to hear that, but the truth is the truth. I've had a few lessons from the 'Hard Knox Academy' of life, and have the emotional scars to prove it.

If you're serious about your relationship with her, and want to try to make it work. Go right ahead. It might (MIGHT) change for the better. But I would reccomend that you try talking to her again first, and see what she says about this question: "What if I said I wanted to marry you. How would YOU feel about it?". That puts her in a position where she would really have to work to turn it on you, and puts her in a defensive posistion instead of offensive like the last time. See what she says about that question. It would help to level the playing field a bit, for the conversation.

But one warning: be prepaired to be hurt. Big time. Ask the hard questions, but be ready for emotionally hard answers to go with them. I'd say it would be in your best interest to find out the truth, one way or another. Better now, than years later. Trust me.

 

[SocksNTicklish]

Personally I think she's cheating on you.

No girl does that whole "I feel like this but it's all your fault" shpeal unless perhaps she was feeling guilty of SOMETHING. Something I can't quite put my finger on. But surely she should NEVER treat you like this. And she put words and accusations all in your mouth in face. It was rediculous to even READ! You never said you'd hate her and you never said you would dislike her if she didn't want to move. I think she did that at first to see how you'd take it, and size you up for when she would actually say it.

But how dare her to get up in your face right after she admitted that she doesn't want to move with you! How dare her! It was like she was trying to make it seem like it's YOUR fault that she feels this way. But she's putting it all on herself and blaming you. That's unfair..

What ILove says though is right. You should level the playing field and ask similarly tough questions back. Figure out how she feels. But honestly, any girl who does that doesn't even DESERVE a boyfriend. That's so mean!

I hope things turn out okay or atleast better then everything being turned on you.

 

[the_jimmy_james]

I think things are a touch more imperative. This is the part where you get a new cell phone, change the locks on the doors and get a new job with a different schedule because, bro, this one is dump city. Blame game means it's time for her to hit the road.

Drop her hard. Don't be a wuss! Come right out and say "Fuck you! I'm not going to stand for being jerked around like this. Go find yourself another punching bag because I'm not having it."

The next part is the most important part. MEAN IT! Tell her she's history, and make it happen. Stop answering calls, stop letting her come over, stop having anything to do with her. If you don't, then you might think this is an emotional yo-yo now. She hasn't even started with the tricks yet. Next thing you know, it'll be guilt trips that are a bit more like European vacations. Then comes needling, forcing you to change who you are, and quite possibly straight out emotional abuse!

You don't want that, do you? If not, DITCH THE BITCH!

 

[Mr.Teehehe]

Thank you so much ILove2Tickle SocksNTicklish the_jimmy_james for everybody's advice and opinion's on this. I know it might be pretty tough to tell from just Reading That on some Forum about hers and mine Relationship.

But it sounds like some of you have been thier before in the same way. So i thank you everybody i really do it means alot.

And i even asked my parents last night when we were talking about this because they asked me to give them my thoughts and feelings on this about what they said and about the opinion's and advice that they gave me when they were done talking.

So i basically said to my parents right out ''What if she does want to change my girlfriend Christina what if she does have a change of heart and wants to change for US Our Relationship and with how she is and with the way she is and with how her family is?''

And my parents listened to me ask them that question. And said this about that question ''Son she is only going to change IF SHE WANTS TO CHANGE it's like anybody they are not going to change if they don't want to change''

Is that fair to say? what my parents said.


Me and my parents are going camping this Sunday and Monday and Tuesday so after camping. On Wednesday or Thursday is when i plan on talking to her my girlfriend again. And putting the ball in my court and asking the Hard Ball Question's and Asking the Tough Question's as many Question's as i need to and have to ask too her.

​

 

[Mr.Teehehe]

From your description of her & familiy, if I had to guess, I would say that her whole family is bi-polar. That's the roller coaster reactions you've described. If so, they all need to have medication to help level things out. I have 2 friends who are bi-polar so I've got some input on that thought.

She had bouts of depression until she was alittle bit after 13 years old and stayed in her bedroom most of the time because of that. She has lived with both her Grandparents ever since she was 3 years old because her real parents have had bouts of drug use and drinking use and they were never there for me or her younger sister Sharon (who is 18 years old now). So her Grandparents have raised both my girlfriend and her sister Sharon. My girlfriend's real parents are both better now and clean. But she still doesn't have the best of Relationship with her Mother or her Dad. Because they weren't there for her that much or her sister so she was always the one taking care of her sister Sharon.

All of my girlfriend's sisters (Sharon and Holly) and her cousins they are all moved and out of the house living there own life with either there boyfriends or husbands. But every once and awhile my girlfriend's cousins (Brandi and Brent) will move back in with her Grandparent's because they are falling on hard times so her Grandparents let them and stay in the house as long as they want to until they get back on there way again. My girlfriend also has a cousin Danny and Ashley who i have talked about in other posts. But they don't give any problems since they are far away and are already moved.

 

[melanie2]

ok..she sounds like she is very controlling and manipulative...to try and turn this all around on you is her way of playing you..trying to make you feel guilty for something you never did...i'm afraid i have to agree with your parents..and also Jimmy the James man..he makes alot of sense..for her to say that she always thinks of others and never herself is a ploy for pity and sympathy...trust me on this one..

you seem like a kind and gentle soul...you are young, and so is she..she is playing some sort of game with you i'm afraid..

i broke my engagement off with my husband three times before we got married..if that helps any....this is in case i am wrong about her..i added this...and lookit us today..thirty years later still together..however i don't think i played the blame game or guilt game with him when i broke it off..i think i said i wasn't sure i loved him..i cant' remember now..it was like eons and eons ago...

 

[Mr.Teehehe]

If you're serious about your relationship with her, and want to try to make it work. Go right ahead. It might (MIGHT) change for the better. But I would reccomend that you try talking to her again first, and see what she says about this question: "What if I said I wanted to marry you. How would YOU feel about it?". That puts her in a position where she would really have to work to turn it on you, and puts her in a defensive posistion instead of offensive like the last time. See what she says about that question. It would help to level the playing field a bit, for the conversation.

But one warning: be prepaired to be hurt. Big time. Ask the hard questions, but be ready for emotionally hard answers to go with them. I'd say it would be in your best interest to find out the truth, one way or another. Better now, than years later. Trust me.

I asked my parents both about this and talked to them about it. And they both said that i should really only ask her one question when i talk to her again.

And that simple question is ''Do you care for me and love me to have a Honest Relationship?''

 

[the_jimmy_james]

Make sure she answers that question to the point. Don't let her start talking at length. She seems like the type who'll just wrap you around her finger again if you give her the chance to start talking.

If she answers yes, then starts her crap again, just leave 'er, because at that point she's a liar... Which she actually already is.

 

[Cbarton]

People only truly change when they consciously decide to so. You can't make them change. That mindset has been the ruin of many relationships and marriages when one thinks they can change the other. History shows time and time again that you can't.