input from you writers

[Relent<]

You know, I've been skimming the forum for years now and I've never actually posted anything in this subforum. Ironically, I have been looking for input on my fetish noveling lately. For those of you who have had no knowledge of my existence before now, that is not altogether unreasonable. But the last few years I've been developing characters and a pretty decent narrative.
It will be called "Black Sheep."
I've posted a few drawings of the main characters, and if this gets a decent response, i'll reanimate their corpses for the thread. But this is the pitch:

Three main girls, and a 4th you don't realize for quite some time. The three are Aileen, Bahbi, and Mari. It's set in an odd way, a realistically grounded atmosphere with various fairytale and folklore allusions. For instance, Aileen is an unexplained sheep-eared girl of no discernible origin but somewhere in Ireland. She happens to also be the best friend/ preferred play thing of Mari, who carries a shepparding bow or otherwise hooked implement with her wherever she goes. Their friendship goes way back into their childhood, so there are deep emotional (albeit, unromantic) bonds between them. But there's another more complicated physical layer to it, often manifesting itself into the content which sells erotic literature. Story wise, however, there's a rift between them. Mari becomes a world-class criminal, erecting a criminal organization powerful enough to control several 2nd and 3rd world countries. Something happened as it was expanding from a cartel--during Mari and Aileen's years together in highschool--that caused Aileen to flee the country, 4 years prior to the novel's exposition. Mari has thus far assumed her to be safe, until present events reveal Aileen to be some manner of high profile target.
Aileen of course knows nothing of this, and spends her days living in a Canadian boarding house with a widow who she may or may not be developing feelings for. She earns a humble living working at a bakery.

And that's where Aileen and Mari begin. Bahbi's character--another unexplained sheep-eared girl--is a bit more involved with the central plot. She also serves as the story's narrator; not directly, but you'll be seeing most of the surface elements unfold from her perspective. She is the black sheep, Mari's personal bodyguard and informal "right hand" the organization.
In due time, Bahbi and Aileen are explained, but the closer you get to the center of the primary narrative, the more dense the synopsis becomes. There are three main characters for a reason, as each serve to navigate the individual concentric elements of the whole story.

That's the plan anyway. Unless I'm completely misplacing my enthusiasm in something that sounds gauche and overly complicated.

 

[Sablesword]

OK, I have some questions. You don't have to answer them for me, if you don't want to, but you might still want to answer them for yourself.

What is the setting? Some alternate universe Earth, or are you going for something more akin to magical realism, where the setting is supposedly the real world, but with everyone utterly ignoring the odd appearance (and often the odd behavior) of the various characters?

What is the plot? What you've written here is somewhat incoherent. Can you write a "back cover blurb" version, or a somewhat longer synopsis that (unlike the blurb) does give away the ending? Or a short, one or two sentence description? (Of course you might be one of those writers who only discover the plot by writing the book.)

Is this going to be a full-length novel (more than 50,000 to 60,000 words)? Is it your first novel, or have you written other stories of that length before?

I didn't use it for my first three novels, but I've found "snowflake plotting" to be at least semi-useful for my novel currently in progress. In your case, it sounds as if you have three different plots braided together, which makes "simple" plotting methods less useful. But maybe you could write a snyopsis of each separate plot-strand, followed by some notes on how they interact.

If I tried to write a blurb-type pitch, based on what you've given us here, it would look like this:

Sheep-girl Aileen, the high school friend (and tickle toy) of Mari, has fled to a quiet life in Canada, to escape the dangers of Mari's criminal organization. But now those dangers have started to come after her.

Human Mari has turned her small cartel into a world-spanning organization. She was glad to see her friend Aileen safely away - until she learns that Aileen is still in danger after all.

Bahbi is a sheep-girl of a different sort: A black sheep, who is pleased to be Mari's personal bodyguard and right-hand woman.

When [several word description of the threat against Aileen], Mari decides to [description], Bahbi will need to [description, with an allusion to her personal story-goal], and Aileen must [description, with an allusion her goal/decision she must make].

- with the stuff in square brackets being due to my lack of information about what your plot is.

Is this the sort of input you wanted? Or would find useful?

 

[Sablesword]

Or if I insert random elements out of my own head (which won't match your story at all) then the final paragraph of the blurb might be:

"When a violent gang of Irish pagans attempt to shear Aileen, Mari decides to have Alieen abducted - for her own safety. Bahbi, put in charge of this operation, will need to avoid being sheared herself, as she faces off against an old enemy, and Aileen must decide whether she prefers a quiet life with a Canadian spinster, or the excitement of becoming Mari's tickle toy once again."

 

[Relent<]

Your input was both insightful and hilarious. Lol
I was being intentionally vague because I still want people to read the novel as I've developed it; approaching it with the subtleties and intricate connections in tact.
To better describe the setting, I'm thinking something along the lines of "FLCL" where the environment is contemporary, and the narrative rather disrupting the illusion of normality with and without general notice. I'm hoping to use a "Moore" mechanic of escalating public awareness as the plot thickens to create a more epic sense of drama where it's due. Gradually, the norm of the environment begins to change in response to the actions of the characters. For instance, when the narrative starts, no one pays any particular attention to Aileen's ears. She's been such a recurring oddity that most people are just used to her. And yet somehow, when Bahbi shows up, they're less focused on Bahbi's ears and more shocked with the knowledge that more than one of "those" exist. Think "Kanti" but with dialog and sex appeal.
I hate to go on these long tyraids, I can never know where I've lost anyone until they point it out after the fact.