Is bondage+tickling kind of SM?

[banana]

SM sounds more like something that focus on pain or things like that, which I'm not really into.

My new girlfriend is quite open about sex. I tickle (erotic and playful) her quite a lot, without bondage. Sometimes we talk about sex, she said she is ok with anything that does not involve pain. And she said bondage is ok for her, but SM is definitely not. Anyway, I am sure my girlfriend is ok with bondage and tickling as long as i stop at the right time.

I know that the definition of things isn't important at all. But just out of interest, I wonder what catagory should tickling be classified to.

 

[candyfloss]

Hi!

Why don't you ask your girlfriend about this? When she likes Bondage you could ask her what she thinks about beeing tickle while she is tied up and perhaps you'll test it gently 🙂

I think tickling with bondage could have something about SM, because there's a dominant part and a helpless part. The tickler likes it to torture the ticklee, and the ticklee likes it to be helpless and to get tortured by the ohter one. In principle this is the same like sm, but with sm you associate pain. Tickling can be the same like sm, only without pain, I think.

But it depends on the way you like tickling. If you like only playful tickling without bondage there is nothing about sm, and if you like tickle torture with a tied ticklee, it could have a character of sm 😉

Oh my god, I hope this is understandable, it's not very easy for me to express my position in English :cyclopes:

 

[taragohn]

Think you said it quite well candyfloss.

SM is quite a big term. Everybody explains/associates it differently. Some peole immidialty think of pain and inflicting pain, others feel it has more to do with dominant and submissive.

As far as tickling goes. I don't know. Candyfloss has a point by saying it is about dominancy and submisivness. Then again a lot of people see sm more as an inflicting pain thing.

Again candyfloss has it right by saying that it depends on the environment and situation as well. Bondage and torturing a tied up person does tend to get more to the sm scene. Even if it is just tickling you are in control of someone which is also a big element in sm.

Anyway I do not like putting stuff in boxes, saying this is that and this is that see what you and your girlfriend both like and expand on that (you lucky dog, having a girlfriend like that)

 

[TheChameleon]

Dictionary.com states...

sa·do·mas·o·chism Pronunciation Key (sd-ms-kzm, sd-)
n.

The combination of sadism and masochism, in particular the deriving of pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting or submitting to physical or emotional abuse.
____________________________________________________________

Well, if tickling happens to be physical abuse... then I guess it is sadomasochism...

Well, if its not physical abuse, then I guess its not SM. Well, hope that helps!

 

[yami]

Well... tickling can get kinda painful after awhile...

From personal experience, my gf recently tied me up spread eagle style, stripped off my footwear and tickled my defenseless feet at least 2 hours.

She really enjoyed my cries of pain. It was agonizing...

The sex that followed brought me into the 9th realm of bliss and her to the 10th...

(drooling...)

Well, I guess IMO, tickling can be S&M. Heh... that night was the first time I was tickled for more than half an hour. XD

Basically, it was me submitting to abuse, in this case, tickling. My gf found it gratifying. (Don't really know why. I'm more of a sub than a dom.)

Well, that's all I have to say. ^_^

 

[MistressValerie1]

Unfortunately, the terms SM and "fetish" are used so loosely that except when formally discussing psychology, they are pretty much defined in the eye of the beholder. Personally, I define it much as Chameleon does. If the participants consider it to be "abuse" -- even if they enjoy it -- it's SM. If the participants don't consider it to be abuse, but just strong physical stimulation without pain, then it's hard for me to classify it as "sadomasochism."

For example, I don't consider myself a sadomasochist because I don't enjoy actually hurting people, even though I like to apply stimulation that vanilla folks would probably find too strong. In Internet lingo, however, I would be considered a "fetishist" because my preferences are non-mainstream. Ultimately, I'm not sure if labels do more good or harm to communication.

 

[TickledToDeath]

Tickling in itself is not S/M even with bondage but it could be made s/m ish if the level of tickling is taken to the extreme.
Where you take tickling is entirely up to you, from sensual and erotic to off the scale intense and tickle torturous.

TTD

 

[DarthGrinn]

Ya it all depends on how far you go with it. Tickling can be everything from playful, to erotic to all out S&M...

I'm not into pain either; I find it a real turn off actually, but tickling to the extreme can be a real rush. As long as she concents, and understands what she's getting into, it can be fun 🙂 Just take it slow at first, so you can see how much she can take.

And remember to be gentle, or physically aware; I dunno about you but personally I have really strong hands, and I have to be mindful lest I bruise up my gf's tender body... Being the ler means being in control; while your lee loses it 🙂

In the end it all boils down to how much you know her, how much she trusts you, and how much you can trust yourself to stay in control, and keep her best interests at heart...

 

[blackmagicjack1]

I think RTL hit it on the nose (wittingly or unwittingly) with his comment about who is in control. To me SM is more about the exchange of power, and it can take many forms. Too a lot of people it probably means pain and degradation (two things I'm not into) but it can also take other forms from simple bondage to tickling. The other thing to mention is that consent seems implecent in SM, if there isn't consent it becomes something quite different.

 

[DarthGrinn]

Well yes blackmagicjack, that was unwittingly 😛

I understand the "exchange of power" that takes place in S&M, but I was referring more to the "control of self" that is necessary on the dominant's part to allow the submissive to enjoy his/her self without being put in danger.

It takes a cool head in the midst of passion to keep the "rough play" safe. Even tickling can be harmful if one isn't careful, and the lee is especially ticklish.

Just to make sure I'm covering all the bases, I don't want to assume that banana has ever tickled anybody to the extreme (I apologize if I come across patronizing, this isn't my intention); but if you take it there, you can expect the lee to have difficulties breathing. Her face may turn red, and her laughter may even go silent.

She may find it difficult to even communicate through her hysteria; heck I've known a girl who couldn't even keep her thoughts together to remember how to say "stop" (cute an amusing, but its good to be mindful and aware). Safe words aren't really bullet-proof, when your submissive is beside him/herself, speaking in tongues 😛

Just be mindful, observant and sensitive to your ler, and it'll all be fun 🙂 Don't be afraid to make a judgment call and stop, even if the lee thinks she can keep on going... You can always start it all up again after a brief respite.

Well, that’s what I mean about control. I apologize if I came off as the proverbial "damp towel".

 

[blackmagicjack1]

You did not come off as the "damp towel". That is very good point, though I thought we were discussing the nature of SM and in that context that is where I took my discussion. But you are right the dominant person is also responsible for the safety and pleasure of the submissive, at least to the degree he/she can be. As always communication is the key.