Is it OK to DM someone in the chatroom?

[Lee Ishler]

Is it OK to private message someone in the TMF chatroom? I ask because often when I go in there, there's no one chatting in the main room, so it must mean they are all chatting in private, because there are often 30 or so people in there. But last time I DM'd someone there, they got really angry, not that I said anything inappropriate. So I thought, OK, get to know everyone out in the main room first, but that's kind of hard, if there's often no one chatting out there. And as far as the forum goes, I do often post here in the "Tickling Discussion", but to be honest, this doesn't seem to be very active either.

So me thinks, are people who are into tickling, are they mainly using other sites? I heard that Discord is very popular, but I don't really like that site, I feel much more comfortable here. But TMF seemed much more active 20 years ago when I first started checking it out, even 5 or 6 years ago there seemed to be much more going on...what do others here think?

 

[Lee Ishler]

Well, I think I figured it out; you take a chance, just like everything else. You may get a positive response, you may not. There are a lot of creeps there, from what I've seen, so it's not surprising people are on their guard.

 

[Mr. Nimbus]

As a chat semi-regular, I'd say the etiquette is wait until someone says "DMs open" before messaging. If you do message someone without invitation, introduce yourself like you would meeting up in Starbucks. Not sure what exactly you said, but there are seriously some creepers on chat. I'm a bi m switch and have several times gotten guys out of the blue messaging with "OMG IS YOUR COCK TICKLISH?" or just launching into (truly awful) rp without an introduction, so I can't imagine how bad it is for the women on this site.

 

[Elyos]

I could pretty much just copy what Nimbus said, as it sums well how the chat room works these days.

Many are tired of receiving DM's (myself included) as the vast majority of em don't really lead anywhere and are just awkward & creepy overall. With that said, there are nice ppl in chat room who do chat well and are well behaved.

I myself only reach out to those I got to know in here for some time – those who contacted me first.

 

[SoleMates]

I don't know if it's still the case, but it used to actually be a somewhat-mod-enforced rule that you had to ask for permission in the main chat to DM someone.

 

[Lee Ishler]

As a chat semi-regular, I'd say the etiquette is wait until someone says "DMs open" before messaging. If you do message someone without invitation, introduce yourself like you would meeting up in Starbucks. Not sure what exactly you said, but there are seriously some creepers on chat. I'm a bi m switch and have several times gotten guys out of the blue messaging with "OMG IS YOUR COCK TICKLISH?" or just launching into (truly awful) rp without an introduction, so I can't imagine how bad it is for the women on this site.

I know what you mean, I've gotten those same weird DM's before myself. No, what I said to the person was, "Hi, I saw you replied to my thread in the forum", but no doubt they had gotten nasty DM's in the past, so there you go. I think you're right though, the best thing to do is mention out in the open that I'm open to DM's, so that's what I'll do from now on, thanks for your advice.

 

[Lee Ishler]

I don't know if it's still the case, but it used to actually be a somewhat-mod-enforced rule that you had to ask for permission in the main chat to DM someone.

Yes I heard that too, though I do get a lot of DM's there (all from guys) and they don't ask in the main chat first, so it's no doubt not adhered to by everyone. At that time I didn't know about that rule, but I do now. I think it's best to do what Mr. Numbus just said, and say out in the main chat that I'm open to DM's. Or, if I want to DM someone, ask out in the main room first, thanks.

 

[Lee Ishler]

I could pretty much just copy what Nimbus said, as it sums well how the chat room works these days.

Many are tired of receiving DM's (myself included) as the vast majority of em don't really lead anywhere and are just awkward & creepy overall. With that said, there are nice ppl in chat room who do chat well and are well behaved.

I myself only reach out to those I got to know in here for some time – those who contacted me first.

Thanks for the advice, Elyos. And our paths have crossed, though I haven't been in the TMF for over a year now. As I just said to Mr. Nimbus, I have gotten my fair share of creepy DM's, so believe me, I know all about that. Since I'm still fairly new in the chat, I think it's best to get to know people out in the main room first. And if that takes a long time, then so be it.

 

[Elyos]

Yes, I do remember you 🙂

I also just want to say that ofc everybody can contact everyone – it's a free country after all. But it's always good to get to know people first in the main room, so I think you have a good strategy there.

Thanks for the advice, Elyos. And our paths have crossed, though I haven't been in the TMF for over a year now. As I just said to Mr. Nimbus, I have gotten my fair share of creepy DM's, so believe me, I know all about that. Since I'm still fairly new in the chat, I think it's best to get to know people out in the main room first. And if that takes a long time, then so be it.

 

[Lee Ishler]

Yes, I do remember you 🙂

I also just want to say that ofc everybody can contact everyone – it's a free country after all. But it's always good to get to know people first in the main room, so I think you have a good strategy there.

Yes I get what you mean. There are a couple there who I got to know in the past, so I did contact those. But anyone new, yeah, I'll try to get to know them first!

 

[-Venom-]

I’ve always thought it common courtesy to ask someone in the main room if you can PM them, or as has been said wait until they say DMs open. Also, read someone’s profile on the main page first because sometimes that’ll give you the information you need

I can’t count how many people that have PMed me without asking and that haven’t read my profile (and I’ve also had the aforementioned “c*ck ticklish” guy DM me under multiple accounts, all of which I’ve reported) and I’m a straight guy, so I can’t imagine how many unwanted and awful PMs the girls of the chatroom get (The few I do talk to have had some awful DMs though, but even knowing this I still can’t imagine the crap they get that they don’t tell me about lol)

 

[Lee Ishler]

I’ve always thought it common courtesy to ask someone in the main room if you can PM them, or as has been said wait until they say DMs open. Also, read someone’s profile on the main page first because sometimes that’ll give you the information you need

I can’t count how many people that have PMed me without asking and that haven’t read my profile (and I’ve also had the aforementioned “c*ck ticklish” guy DM me under multiple accounts, all of which I’ve reported) and I’m a straight guy, so I can’t imagine how many unwanted and awful PMs the girls of the chatroom get (The few I do talk to have had some awful DMs though, but even knowing this I still can’t imagine the crap they get that they don’t tell me about lol)

I know what you mean. I have been bothered by that cock tickler myself, and I actually thought it was more than one guy, but like you say, it was probably the same one with multiple accounts. I'm sure women get harrassed here all the time, no doubt. I also heard there are a lot of guys pretending to be girls, I guess because they think that's an easy way to get to the ladies, eh? Pretty crazy! As for the profiles, yes I do look at those. That's very important, for one thing, there are a lot of ladies who are only into f/f, and me being a straight guy, that's good to know up front!

 

[4Pawz]

Appropriate chat etiquette is to ask before DMing someone, unless someone advertises it in the main room. It’s easy enough to ignore unsolicited DM’s, but some people get rude and even aggressive if you don’t respond within their view of an appropriate time frame.

Personally, I cut all of that out and have it set where I can decide who messages me and who can’t. Usually if I banter long enough with someone in the main room, and it’s enjoyable, I usually add them to the list. But there’s plenty that I have blocked too. At least it doesn’t cause massive popups anymore!

 

[solarcharger]

Ive been guilty of DM’ing someone before seeking their permission, but i usually apologize early on for doing so, to let them know my intentions are homorable.

 

[dahoochman]

I personally don’t see anything wrong with sending a “Hi there” or “Hey wanna chat” IM. Having said that, I too have received the “is your cock ticklish” IMs and I just ignore them. But I have also had some great chats with people that I have sent or received unsolicited IMs from. I think the reason most people resort to IMs in the chat room is because the chat in the main room is often dominated by a few select individuals, and the topic is rarely tickle related. I have literally dozens of friends I can talk to about politics, or good, or tv shows. I personally come to the TMF to engage in banter related to our favorite fetish.

 

[Lee Ishler]

Appropriate chat etiquette is to ask before DMing someone, unless someone advertises it in the main room. It’s easy enough to ignore unsolicited DM’s, but some people get rude and even aggressive if you don’t respond within their view of an appropriate time frame.

Personally, I cut all of that out and have it set where I can decide who messages me and who can’t. Usually if I banter long enough with someone in the main room, and it’s enjoyable, I usually add them to the list. But there’s plenty that I have blocked too. At least it doesn’t cause massive popups anymore!

Thanks, yes I get the idea. Well I do see them advertising "DM's are open", but it seems to mainly be guys, or so I think. So that's where looking at the profiles come in. I did just start to say "DM's open" in there, so that may work too. Many who DM me are guys, and they ask if I'm one, even though it clearly says so on my profile. I think it's hard for some to open a new tab and look, it would help if you could do that right from the chat. It may help if I put my pic on my profile too, so I'm working on that. I'm definitely a guy, and I look like one. I think so anyway!

 

[Lee Ishler]

Ive been guilty of DM’ing someone before seeking their permission, but i usually apologize early on for doing so, to let them know my intentions are homorable.

It happens to me too, and I don't mind, as long as they're nice. It can get frustrating though if they don't look at my profile first, because they tend to ask my gender, or maybe assume I'm gay, etc. I don't mind talking to gay guys, but it can get a bit frustrating, when they keep coming in. Certain aspects of tickling, I simply don't feel comfortable talking to guys about. But then I just don't discuss those things.

 

[WickedTouch]

I generally DM people without asking in main when I am in there, and receive unsolicited DMs as well, which I am okay with. Over several years, I've maybe had two people get upset that I'm DM'ing them without asking. I usually start the DM by asking if they are up for talking, though, which I'd recommend (as opposed to just assuming). Other than that, I've never really understood some people's apprehension about it. My wife and I have for sure received many creepy DMs, but it is super simple to just ignore them or even block them. On some platforms, the etiquette has been a little more established for ask to DM, such as for Discord. But often those platforms have servers with more users, and more channels through which one can receive notifications, so the annoyance/distraction factor is much greater.

No matter what you do, at some point you'll likely encounter some sort of contentious interaction. This is especially true in those venues in which many people from disperate backgrounds, value-systems, etc. are coming together for one predominantly shared interest.

 

[Lee Ishler]

I personally don’t see anything wrong with sending a “Hi there” or “Hey wanna chat” IM. Having said that, I too have received the “is your cock ticklish” IMs and I just ignore them. But I have also had some great chats with people that I have sent or received unsolicited IMs from. I think the reason most people resort to IMs in the chat room is because the chat in the main room is often dominated by a few select individuals, and the topic is rarely tickle related. I have literally dozens of friends I can talk to about politics, or good, or tv shows. I personally come to the TMF to engage in banter related to our favorite fetish.

Same here. I don't mind talking about other things on occasion, but hey, I'm pretty much just here for the tickling. Or, as I was saying before, often there is no activity in the main room, even though there are 40 people in there, no doubt because they are all DM'ing. I guess that the very nature of this fetish is you don't really want to talk about it out in the open, particularly if you are RP'ing, etc.

 

[Lee Ishler]

I generally DM people without asking in main when I am in there, and receive unsolicited DMs as well, which I am okay with. Over several years, I've maybe had two people get upset that I'm DM'ing them without asking. I usually start the DM by asking if they are up for talking, though, which I'd recommend (as opposed to just assuming). Other than that, I've never really understood some people's apprehension about it. My wife and I have for sure received many creepy DMs, but it is super simple to just ignore them or even block them. On some platforms, the etiquette has been a little more established for ask to DM, such as for Discord. But often those platforms have servers with more users, and more channels through which one can receive notifications, so the annoyance/distraction factor is much greater.

No matter what you do, at some point you'll likely encounter some sort of contentious interaction. This is especially true in those venues in which many people from disperate backgrounds, value-systems, etc. are coming together for one predominantly shared interest.

Yes I understand. Also they may already be busy talking to someone else. Which is why if I DM I keep it short, and if they don't answer, fair enough. Yes I agree there is a lot of contentious interaction, but then this is true everywhere on the net, so what else is new? Overall, I think the positive outweighs all that. I think I'm just more sensitive than most. I often feel like I'm walking on eggshells. But then maybe that's when I need to stay out of the kitchen for a while...

 

[-Venom-]

I know what you mean. I have been bothered by that cock tickler myself, and I actually thought it was more than one guy, but like you say, it was probably the same one with multiple accounts. I'm sure women get harrassed here all the time, no doubt. I also heard there are a lot of guys pretending to be girls, I guess because they think that's an easy way to get to the ladies, eh? Pretty crazy! As for the profiles, yes I do look at those. That's very important, for one thing, there are a lot of ladies who are only into f/f, and me being a straight guy, that's good to know up front!

Oh there are definitely a LOT of guys pretending to be girls, there are a group of people that try to catch those and they do a good job but there’s obviously ones that aren’t going to get caught. Sometimes you’re just never gonna know unfortunately. All you can do with that is to be careful, there are a lot of red flags with these people so if you suspect something be extra careful and cautious

At the end of the day respect is key, even if people do PM without asking, their preferences should be respected. Far too often people DM someone and immediately expect them to be in to the exact same thing they are and only care about their needs (and then get pissy when they’re told no or get called out, even though it’s on them for showing no respect). That should be key anywhere, not just in this chat

The fact you’re asking the public forum opinions tells me you’re pretty respectful anyways, so that gives you a massive leg up on a lot of people in that chat room already lol

 

[Lee Ishler]

Oh there are definitely a LOT of guys pretending to be girls, there are a group of people that try to catch those and they do a good job but there’s obviously ones that aren’t going to get caught. Sometimes you’re just never gonna know unfortunately. All you can do with that is to be careful, there are a lot of red flags with these people so if you suspect something be extra careful and cautious

At the end of the day respect is key, even if people do PM without asking, their preferences should be respected. Far too often people DM someone and immediately expect them to be in to the exact same thing they are and only care about their needs (and then get pissy when they’re told no or get called out, even though it’s on them for showing no respect). That should be key anywhere, not just in this chat

The fact you’re asking the public forum opinions tells me you’re pretty respectful anyways, so that gives you a massive leg up on a lot of people in that chat room already lol

Thanks for saying that. Yes I try to show respect. As for the red flags, I think I'm pretty good at sensing these things. There are ways of figuring these things out. If someone DM's me for the first time claiming to be female, chances are it is not. And I can also tell by the writing style, etc. Also, always check that profile. If there is very little there, or if it sounds too cliched, chances are something's not right. I think I may have fell for a couple of these last time I was here, and even followed them, so I may have to look through all those, and remove some.