Is It Shameless To Use Online Dating Services?

[heretichero666]

I recently started an account on an online dating site and a part of me feels ashamed. I know I can be socially awkward at times in front of people when I first meet them, I know I'm a bit shy, but online dating services seems desperate and in a way kinda makes me look more unconfident with myself as it is. I don't want to seem like some sort of social recluse whose only life is life on the internet but I wanted to give it a try. And so far the results aren't all that good.
What I don't like about it is that it just doesn't feel natural. I mean, how do you tell your friends and family that you fell in love with someone over the internet? What's that compared to how your parents met, how your friend met their love, and so on? It just doesn't sound natural which bugs me.

I don't know what to think. The thing is I feel lonely and I really want to have someone in my life again. I broke up from a close relationship a few months back and after so long I've finally started thinking about it again and I realize now that I'm starting to feel the way I did in high school and my first year of college; starved of affection and missing love in my life. I've forgiven and moved on from my last relationship, I understand that what I wanted in life wasn't the same thing that she wanted, but the thing is after being in love for the first time in my life and having to lose it is not something that is easy to let go of. I'm not blaming my ex for anything, we're still good friends, but the fact that I haven't found someone to fill in that gap and give me the love I once felt hurts worse than the fact that we broke up. Its like I'm a drug addict whose having withdraw symptoms because he can't get his fix. I just want to feel all those good feelings again.

The real problem for me is trying to find a girl who will at least tolerate the fact that I have foot fetish. I'm not a foot freak. I don't spam sexual comments over foot art and foot photos, I just like a small bit of tickling and worshiping every now and then with my girl so that she's happy too. If she isn't happy and what I do for her doesn't make her happy then I can't truly enjoy my fetish. I just wish I could find a girl like that soon. I'm lonelier than I've ever been with life taking my friends in opposite directions from mine and me being single. I'm not trying to dump my problems off on the internet or air out my dirty laundry, but I just have to say these things to get them off my chest. The bottom line is I want to be in love again.

 

[frozenthrone]

well how can i put this......your feeling natural things. hell i know exatly how you feel. no seriously i even tried a long distance relationship and i think it was due to my loneliness. i really loved her but it ended in a way i proably should of saw coming. but were human and humans arnt the type to like being alone.and when you have what some consider an"odd" fetish like tickling ,foot worship and the likes it even harder to find what you need.im still searching. but understand that how you meet someone isnt bad be it online or bumping into them on a sidewalk. you met someone. now the question is where do you go from there? see there is a sort of freedom when meeting online because some people you meet and find to be the nicest people ever online,if you had met in person you would of been to scared or shy to even look at. it might be different talking online and not being in person but the goal is to get to know each other then meet in person right? so dont let it get to you that your meeting up story isnt great because when you are able to actually be with the person in person you get to do what some cant do hen they meet their person for the first time.: be yourself. and dont worry about your search so much. it isnt life or death, you will find someone .stay strong.think of it this way:this world is to big not to have someone who loves the things you do. you just havent found her yet.

 

[heretichero666]

Thanks Shadowthrone, that really does mean a lot to me. I'm really glad to have heard this from someone else whose in the same situation. I'm 21 years old and a part of me is already worrying that I may end up being alone the rest of my life but you've assured me that there is someone out there who does understand. Thanks.
I just wish I could find her sooner. I wish the whole fetish subject wasn't so awkward for people to talk about and that a girl could just put out "hey, I'm tolerant/accept foot fetishism and I'm looking for a guy with a moderate one whose willing to massage my feet etc with some occasional playful tickling and/or worship".

 

[GiveMeFeet]

Not shameless at all. I had a higher success rate online than I ever did going to bars/clubs other social outlets. I haven't used an online dating service in about 13 years (yes, they were around even then), but I wasn't much older than you are now.

When I was 21 (1998), I, too, had this "sinking feeling" that I was destined to be a loner, because I'd never had the confidence to just hop over to a lovely gal who happened to show up at a community theatre audition and say, "You know, I just wanted to tell you that you absolutely shine, on-stage and off. Would you want to go out for coffee after?" (As it turns out, that scenario actually did happen about 3 years later. And we did go out for coffee. And made out like champions after that. But that was after my on-line dating experience and I didn't feel quite so awkward around the fairer sex)

Right now, it sounds like you should be "playing the field," anyway - not looking for "the one." This way, you can spend time with any number of girls and find out through playful experimentation what they're into. And bolster your own confidence and work out your "awkwardness."

My online adventure (late 1999-mid 2000) essentially netted me four girls who I would end up spending a decent amount of time with. Each one was ultimately exposed to my foot/tickle fetish.

One had never had her toes sucked before. I never even brought it up, but we were messing around and I tickled her a bit and she kicked at my face. I caught her foot and quickly, but forcefully, sucked on her big toe. There was a pause....then she smiled and asked breathily, "Is there anything you CAN'T do?" Turns out she really liked being nibbled on the instep. She tolerated tickling, but she love the bites. And had the GodAlmightiest BEST way of "begging" me to do that to her.

Another gal enjoyed toe-sucking (and had known that prior to me), but HATED being tickled. Like, got PISSED.

A third mostly hated being tickled (somewhere between the first two gals), but really enjoyed toe-sucking. Of course I would alternate between the two activities. She kept threatening that I would lose my "foot privileges." She had a fantastic laugh, though.

And the fourth loved all of it. She said she loved to laugh, no matter how her laughter came about. I was eventually engaged to that girl, but it didn't end up working out. Despite all the benefits of the fetish compatibility, it was a good thing. The fetishes, while nice, really can't be the be-all and end-all. Our long-term life goals were far too different.

Sorry about giving you my life story, but I just wanted to give you a shot in the arm and tell you that you're in no way being pathetic by trying an online dating site. I'd actually advise against advertising your fetish on your profile (e.g. "Hey, I'm looking for a girl who's into having her feet worshiped and tickled"). Just leave that part out. There are girls out there who, right now, think that kind of thing is kind of gross, just because they haven't experienced it yet, but would be receptive to it if discovered through a natural course of events.

If you meet a fun girl in general, you'll have a chance to find out what she might think while you're in the flow of the moment. Most girls (including the coffee girl, incidentally) will just roll with it if she's already having fun with you. Then, they may discover something new about themselves, too. Good luck, brother.

 

[heretichero666]

Not shameless at all. I had a higher success rate online than I ever did going to bars/clubs other social outlets. I haven't used an online dating service in about 13 years (yes, they were around even then), but I wasn't much older than you are now.

When I was 21 (1998), I, too, had this "sinking feeling" that I was destined to be a loner, because I'd never had the confidence to just hop over to a lovely gal who happened to show up at a community theatre audition and say, "You know, I just wanted to tell you that you absolutely shine, on-stage and off. Would you want to go out for coffee after?" (As it turns out, that scenario actually did happen about 3 years later. And we did go out for coffee. And made out like champions after that. But that was after my on-line dating experience and I didn't feel quite so awkward around the fairer sex)

Right now, it sounds like you should be "playing the field," anyway - not looking for "the one." This way, you can spend time with any number of girls and find out through playful experimentation what they're into. And bolster your own confidence and work out your "awkwardness."

My online adventure (late 1999-mid 2000) essentially netted me four girls who I would end up spending a decent amount of time with. Each one was ultimately exposed to my foot/tickle fetish.

One had never had her toes sucked before. I never even brought it up, but we were messing around and I tickled her a bit and she kicked at my face. I caught her foot and quickly, but forcefully, sucked on her big toe. There was a pause....then she smiled and asked breathily, "Is there anything you CAN'T do?" Turns out she really liked being nibbled on the instep. She tolerated tickling, but she love the bites. And had the GodAlmightiest BEST way of "begging" me to do that to her.

Another gal enjoyed toe-sucking (and had known that prior to me), but HATED being tickled. Like, got PISSED.

A third mostly hated being tickled (somewhere between the first two gals), but really enjoyed toe-sucking. Of course I would alternate between the two activities. She kept threatening that I would lose my "foot privileges." She had a fantastic laugh, though.

And the fourth loved all of it. She said she loved to laugh, no matter how her laughter came about. I was eventually engaged to that girl, but it didn't end up working out. Despite all the benefits of the fetish compatibility, it was a good thing. The fetishes, while nice, really can't be the be-all and end-all. Our long-term life goals were far too different.

Sorry about giving you my life story, but I just wanted to give you a shot in the arm and tell you that you're in no way being pathetic by trying an online dating site. I'd actually advise against advertising your fetish on your profile (e.g. "Hey, I'm looking for a girl who's into having her feet worshiped and tickled"). Just leave that part out. There are girls out there who, right now, think that kind of thing is kind of gross, just because they haven't experienced it yet, but would be receptive to it if discovered through a natural course of events.

If you meet a fun girl in general, you'll have a chance to find out what she might think while you're in the flow of the moment. Most girls (including the coffee girl, incidentally) will just roll with it if she's already having fun with you. Then, they may discover something new about themselves, too. Good luck, brother.

That's really helpful man. I'm glad to hear advice from an expert on this. You've been around longer than me and you know how this stuff works so it really helps to hear your input on it.
Yeah, its just that this girl I was with was the first person I had truly fallen in love with and I really did have high hopes for a future with her but what we wanted in life was completely different and that ended it. It really hurt because I honestly wanted to marry her. But she wasn't a family person and I wasn't going to give up having kids for her so we called it off even after all the time we spent together. It was hard for me, and I still don't know if I will ever be able to get that close with someone again for a while.

I know what you mean by me experimenting and I agree with what you're saying simply because, I don't want to sound like the Rolling Stones but, I'm bored not having a girl to hang with on a regular basis and I'm lonely. But at the same time I'm looking to feel all those good feelings I had when I was truly in love.

I come a from a big Catholic family. Almost all my cousins live just a few miles away from me and I can see them on a regular basis. I grew up with all of them and I can honestly say that they have been some of the best friends I have ever had and we're all looking forward to the day when we do the same with our own kids. I know its way too early for me to be thinking about kids, and I don't intend to have them until much later in my life, but I do plan on having them and I don't want to waste all my good years that I have now at 21 trying to find girls in general. I want to at least have a start before I turn 22. Maybe I'm overly concerned about it. I won't deny, I'm a hopeless romantic at times.

Thanks for the input man. It really helps me feel better. Yeah, I didn't advertise my fetish and I don't intend to do that at all. I just hope that whatever girl I do meet next is at least open to these sorts of things.

 

[CellarDweller]

There is nothing wrong or shameful about an online dating service. I use one, and while I haven't had a lasting relationship form, I have gone on more dates since. In fact, I have one this weekend.

Nothing wrong with it.

 

[GiveMeFeet]

I'm glad to hear advice from an expert on this. You've been around longer than me and you know how this stuff works so it really helps to hear your input on it.

Hardly "expert." I do, however, remember what it's like to feel lonely, and how everywhere you look it seems like other people are happy with the loves of their lives and you're the only one who's not. It really isn't the case. Some are just very good at putting up appearances.

its just that this girl I was with was the first person I had truly fallen in love with and I really did have high hopes for a future with her but what we wanted in life was completely different and that ended it. It really hurt because I honestly wanted to marry her. But she wasn't a family person and I wasn't going to give up having kids for her so we called it off even after all the time we spent together. It was hard for me, and I still don't know if I will ever be able to get that close with someone again for a while.

The ex-fiancee I referred to in my post was the one who wanted kids, and I"m the one who didn't. That is a big warning sign. In fact, it's more of an announcement than a warning. As much as it hurt then (and probably still hurts now), it would have been far worse to try to ram a square peg into a round hole.

That sounded kinda dirty in that context...

Anyway, wanting to feel that "love" again - be grateful that it's difficult to find. If it were easy, it wouldn't be special. Rest assured, though, you can find it with any number of people. I have never believed in a "soul mate," though my de facto wife is pretty darn close.

I know what you mean by me experimenting and I agree with what you're saying simply because, I don't want to sound like the Rolling Stones but, I'm bored not having a girl to hang with on a regular basis and I'm lonely. But at the same time I'm looking to feel all those good feelings I had when I was truly in love.

I know its way too early for me to be thinking about kids, and I don't intend to have them until much later in my life, but I do plan on having them and I don't want to waste all my good years that I have now at 21 trying to find girls in general. I want to at least have a start before I turn 22. Maybe I'm overly concerned about it. I won't deny, I'm a hopeless romantic at times.

I didn't even meet my current g/f until I was 25, and didn't start dating til almost 2 years later (another community theatre girl). Looking back, I don't think I would have been ready for her before then, anyway. And by going out and just having dates and cuddles with a few different women, you can not only determine who the more mature ones are (the ones who don't get jealous that you're seeing others because she knows you're not exclusive), you also don't have to go one-at-a-time to find out who might be compatible with you fetish-wise.

In fact, sometimes I envy you in YOUR position. I have old friends from college who I had crushes on who have only recently let on that they were interested, etc, etc. But, I know I'd be ultimately giving up a Lamborghini Diablo for a Dodge Challenger at best, if I went that route.

I'd much rather live vicariously through you!

So, to sum up:

1) Online dating is nothing to be ashamed of. It actually helps get some of the annoying preliminaries out of the way before a first date.

2) Enjoy the single life. Get started in your career and paying down any debts you might have...without going overboard on the wrong ladies.

3) If I can get through my early 20s, A N Y O N E can do it. :cool

 

[PlutoBum]

i was on one for a bit....it can be tough finding someone, but never feel ashamed! so many people find a match on those sites and it's more in vogue now. good luck!

 

[Regal]

It's the 21st century. A good chunk of interaction occurs through cyberspace.

 

[Smoten]

Hardly "expert." I do, however, remember what it's like to feel lonely, and how everywhere you look it seems like other people are happy with the loves of their lives and you're the only one who's not. It really isn't the case. Some are just very good at putting up appearances.





The ex-fiancee I referred to in my post was the one who wanted kids, and I"m the one who didn't. That is a big warning sign. In fact, it's more of an announcement than a warning. As much as it hurt then (and probably still hurts now), it would have been far worse to try to ram a square peg into a round hole.

That sounded kinda dirty in that context...

Anyway, wanting to feel that "love" again - be grateful that it's difficult to find. If it were easy, it wouldn't be special. Rest assured, though, you can find it with any number of people. I have never believed in a "soul mate," though my de facto wife is pretty darn close.

I know what you mean by me experimenting and I agree with what you're saying simply because, I don't want to sound like the Rolling Stones but, I'm bored not having a girl to hang with on a regular basis and I'm lonely. But at the same time I'm looking to feel all those good feelings I had when I was truly in love.



I didn't even meet my current g/f until I was 25, and didn't start dating til almost 2 years later (another community theatre girl). Looking back, I don't think I would have been ready for her before then, anyway. And by going out and just having dates and cuddles with a few different women, you can not only determine who the more mature ones are (the ones who don't get jealous that you're seeing others because she knows you're not exclusive), you also don't have to go one-at-a-time to find out who might be compatible with you fetish-wise.

In fact, sometimes I envy you in YOUR position. I have old friends from college who I had crushes on who have only recently let on that they were interested, etc, etc. But, I know I'd be ultimately giving up a Lamborghini Diablo for a Dodge Challenger at best, if I went that route.

I'd much rather live vicariously through you!

So, to sum up:

1) Online dating is nothing to be ashamed of. It actually helps get some of the annoying preliminaries out of the way before a first date.

2) Enjoy the single life. Get started in your career and paying down any debts you might have...without going overboard on the wrong ladies.

3) If I can get through my early 20s, A N Y O N E can do it. :cool

GiveMeFeet has very sound advise. While you are single, do yourself a favor and take the time to seriously consider what you truly want out life and and evaluate what qualities are most important to you. Think long and hard about all the things you want to accomplish within your life time. I'm not talking about a list of cool things to do before you die, but what you want your lasting mark to be in this world before you leave. Prioritize what is most important to you and come to terms with it. The more you know, understand and most importantly, love, about yourself, the more you will know what you're looking for.

Like GiveMeFeet, I too don't believe in a soul mate. Here's the way I picture it: I believe we are our own unique bag of puzzle pieces and we are constantly looking for the person and/or persons with the most matching pieces to compliment our own. These unique puzzle pieces are our notes on the pursuit of true happiness. After comparing notes, we try our best to help each other achieve it together. Sometimes we find out out early on that the pieces just don't go together, other times they might look like a complete match, only to find out after putting down so many awesome pieces that fit so perfectly that they're missing a very important piece that you simply can't live with out. It's hard to swallow, but it happens and the only thing you can do about it is learn from it and try your best to move on at your own pace.

The good news is you get to keep those pieces; you know what fits and you bring that with you to your next relationship. I'm confident that there's a lot of people out there that have a good number of your missing pieces and that you have good number of pieces they're looking for. It's all a matter arranging them in a manner that you both find pleasant.

I recently started an account on an online dating site and a part of me feels ashamed. I know I can be socially awkward at times in front of people when I first meet them, I know I'm a bit shy, but online dating services seems desperate and in a way kinda makes me look more unconfident with myself as it is. I don't want to seem like some sort of social recluse whose only life is life on the internet but I wanted to give it a try. And so far the results aren't all that good.
What I don't like about it is that it just doesn't feel natural. I mean, how do you tell your friends and family that you fell in love with someone over the internet? What's that compared to how your parents met, how your friend met their love, and so on? It just doesn't sound natural which bugs me.

In my opinion, in light of the booming success of our technological accomplishments, society as a whole has shifted its primary focus from physical, social interaction to being entertained. We are so over indulgent with shiny things custom tailored to our interests that we simply don't see our lives slipping by. We don't physically interact with one another as we used to. We're scared shitless of meeting strangers. People more often then not just check facebook statuses to see how their friends and family are instead of giving them a phone call to see how's life working out for them. This is why so many of us are lonely; people just don't leave their fucking houses unless they have work, school or have errands to run. Though they go out every once in a while, whether it be to chill with friends or to treat themselves for the evening, it's not nearly enough compared to the hours we waste finding the next shiny distraction.

I'm not trying to say that the shiny things are bad. It's fine and dandy to have cool and shiny things, but do so in moderation. What I am trying to say is that the ratio is completely and utterly unbalanced in favor of the shiny things instead of spending quality time with one another. This is significantly detrimental to those trying to find their special partner(s) through traditional social means because the traditional means are sadly no longer as popular.

The internet has become the new social cesspool and you should treat it as such. Don't feel ashamed for using the best means of communication available to you. Like it or not, it's the direction society is choosing to go in and we're just along for the ride. So in conclusion, I say embrace the power of the internet; it tries its best to point you towards those with similar interests and that, my friend, is a good advantage to have.

 

[Rox_My_Sox1]

Is it shameless to use a online dating service? NOT AT ALL. That's how I met my mistress and lover! ^_^

Just remember though that the most important thing about a relationship (especially one involving BDSM) is TRUST.

You often have to start out slowly and work your way up to where both you and your partner are in a "comfort zone" of sorts where you both trust each other intimately.

Hope this helps. ^_^

 

[heretichero666]

Hardly "expert." I do, however, remember what it's like to feel lonely, and how everywhere you look it seems like other people are happy with the loves of their lives and you're the only one who's not. It really isn't the case. Some are just very good at putting up appearances.





The ex-fiancee I referred to in my post was the one who wanted kids, and I"m the one who didn't. That is a big warning sign. In fact, it's more of an announcement than a warning. As much as it hurt then (and probably still hurts now), it would have been far worse to try to ram a square peg into a round hole.

That sounded kinda dirty in that context...

Anyway, wanting to feel that "love" again - be grateful that it's difficult to find. If it were easy, it wouldn't be special. Rest assured, though, you can find it with any number of people. I have never believed in a "soul mate," though my de facto wife is pretty darn close.

I know what you mean by me experimenting and I agree with what you're saying simply because, I don't want to sound like the Rolling Stones but, I'm bored not having a girl to hang with on a regular basis and I'm lonely. But at the same time I'm looking to feel all those good feelings I had when I was truly in love.



I didn't even meet my current g/f until I was 25, and didn't start dating til almost 2 years later (another community theatre girl). Looking back, I don't think I would have been ready for her before then, anyway. And by going out and just having dates and cuddles with a few different women, you can not only determine who the more mature ones are (the ones who don't get jealous that you're seeing others because she knows you're not exclusive), you also don't have to go one-at-a-time to find out who might be compatible with you fetish-wise.

In fact, sometimes I envy you in YOUR position. I have old friends from college who I had crushes on who have only recently let on that they were interested, etc, etc. But, I know I'd be ultimately giving up a Lamborghini Diablo for a Dodge Challenger at best, if I went that route.

I'd much rather live vicariously through you!

So, to sum up:

1) Online dating is nothing to be ashamed of. It actually helps get some of the annoying preliminaries out of the way before a first date.

2) Enjoy the single life. Get started in your career and paying down any debts you might have...without going overboard on the wrong ladies.

3) If I can get through my early 20s, A N Y O N E can do it. :cool

I think you are my hero now dude. You really gave me words of wisdom that I probably couldn't find anywhere else. I was feeling pretty down and getting a bit worried about where my life was gonna go but you've shown me that early 20s really are a time to enjoy single. Thank you so much. This is very uplifting for me. I really appreciate it man. Thanks for saying this.

 

[heretichero666]

There is nothing wrong or shameful about an online dating service. I use one, and while I haven't had a lasting relationship form, I have gone on more dates since. In fact, I have one this weekend.

Nothing wrong with it.

Thanks for the insight man. It really feels good. I feel a lot better about myself now. Thank you so much.

 

[heretichero666]

i was on one for a bit....it can be tough finding someone, but never feel ashamed! so many people find a match on those sites and it's more in vogue now. good luck!

Thanks man, I'll need it.

 

[heretichero666]

Is it shameless to use a online dating service? NOT AT ALL. That's how I met my mistress and lover! ^_^

Just remember though that the most important thing about a relationship (especially one involving BDSM) is TRUST.

You often have to start out slowly and work your way up to where both you and your partner are in a "comfort zone" of sorts where you both trust each other intimately.

Hope this helps. ^_^

It does help, a lot. I understand what you mean by trust. There was a lot of it sexually in my previous relationship and after the break up I've learned it to be even more important than I originally thought; while we did both value it I realized that it also applied to how much/often we were comfortable with sexual activities and how intense of of activities we were comfortable with. Thanks a lot man. Its good to hear this.

 

[heretichero666]

Thanks guys. It really does mean a lot to hear this.

 

[ticklishgreg]

There is nothing wrong with using an online dating service 🙂

 

[Barefoot_Sis]

I met someone online (in a fetish chat) and then was shocked to find out we worked on the same block and had lunch in the same park. We didn't know each other, but we might have passed each other in the street for years before that.

We dated and then lived together for 3 years. Ultimately, we could not overcome our differences in culture and religion. Still, it was worth the memories and the experience.