Jealousy

[Arrick60458]

I've got a question, This is mostly for the guys: If your seeing a girl and she wants to hang out with other guys and kiss and hug on them would you be jealous or would you just don't think about it and let her do whatever behind your back and not ask questions. Cuz she says I got a jealous problem but she's telling me she's been out with other guys and kissing and hugging other guys and stuff

 

[TheChameleon]

I'd drop her.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

If she's admitted that much to you without being phased by it or perhaps not considering how you'd be phased by it, then perhaps you should consider finding someone else, because right now it doesn't seem like she sees any importance in what she should and should not be doing with other men. If she wants to be in a loosely-held relationship where there is seemingly no difference between a couple relationship and a friend relationship, then I'd consider breaking up with her, but keeping her as a friend, and you'll become one of the guys. Its possible that its the only relationship you were meant to have with her. We tend to want a girl all to ourselves, but some girls are just not compatible with that way of thinking. Alot of them are free spirits who don't want to be beholden to anyone. This doesn't necessarily mean they'd be unfaithful in a relationship, it just means they don't want to be obligated to certain things as would be normal. They otherwise want to be able to play the field.

This is all hard to tell without seeing it for myself, but there are plenty of other scenarios that could be in play. She could be doing this to test you, to see if you'll be jealous. If thats the case, she may be doing all of this stuff to get attention from you or to change you or something. She could be this way naturally, though, with no harm intended. I know girls who are really friendly and like to snuggle and be up close with people, making physical contact and rough housing, etc. Thats just their way. Whats important is how she sees you. Have you ever asked her?

If she answers you honesty, then she'll also tell you her needs and what she'd like from you. If you feel she's leading you around or is trying to have the best of both worlds by having you and her other male friends so closely, then its a clear indication of what you should do. She shouldn't have to give up her friends, and if you'd be asking her to change her personality, she shouldn't have to do that either. But if you have reason to believe she's just messing around on you and isn't giving you any respect in these regards, then I'd break up with her.

 

[Arrick60458]

question

That's what I thought and she says she loves me but at the same time she wants to hang out with other guys. She says she's just hanging out but as a guy I know when a girl hangs out with other guys it leads to other stuff like making out with them and going all the way do you agree

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

I agree that theres the possibility that it could lead to cheating, but I don't agree that simply being in the presense of other men on a regular basis proves any wrong doing now. If you really feel uncomfortable about this, and she really does spend too much time with them, then thats an issue you need to talk with her about in more depth and clarity. You need to state your needs and feelings.

Women like her are like cats...they leave the house whenever they want and then come back whenever they want. They leave because they know you'll be there waiting for them while they're out playing. They vanish just as quickly as they return and they're always on the move and doing things. Now, what they're doing out there may or may not be bad, but then again, its a fact that cats tend to be selfish creatures. Cats are ambivalent, introverted, and capracious and women tend to share many of those same tendencies.

If you've got yourself a cat then you'll have to adapt or choose a different "pet". Thats not a perfect analogy, but it works.

 

[Arrick60458]

I agree we talked about it but she says the same thing like "you don't own me" and i'm like I see you want to have your cake and eat it too and I told her that for now on i'm going to go out with other women and she says that's ok as long as you don't have sex with them. So basically she wants to hang out with other dudes and it's ok If I do the same with women but she says she loves me don't fuckin' tell me you love and then wants to see other dudes right!

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

If she's extending the same offer to you, than to me, it shows she's not taking this relationship seriously enough to put up any safeguards. If she's telling you you can go do whatever you want just no sex, then she in turn is creating an excuse for her to do the same. She might be figuring "if I let him go do what I'm doing, he won't have any right to come to me later and be angry or upset, since he's doing it too. He'll have no right to badger or question me".

If thats the case, I'd get out now while you still have your dignity. It may seem like a really sweet deal right now, but why the hell would you want to be with a woman who is basically telling you, in many forms, that you're not enough for her and she needs the company of other men. Her extending to you the same priviledges may just be a temporary truce until she decides whether to stay with you or she might use it as an excuse later to get rid of you. Its too early to tell, and you must admit, you're not really telling her side of the story nor is she here for her to tell it.

Like I said, its possible she's the free spirit or cat type and in order to keep what she has the way she has it, she may be trying to appease you and your concerns by offering the same priviledges. Thats fine for her, but it seems inconsiderate to you. I wouldn't be taken in by this. Rather, I'd question whether it's worth my time. Afterall, I wouldn't be in that relationship to not be with her most of the time, I would be in it so that we spend more time together than we spend with other people. I would want it to be balanced, and if she's not balancing or will not come to balance her time with friends and with you, then she holds no idea of a priority or loyalty to the relationship, and she's ripe for cheating.

 

[TheChameleon]

Well, sometimes an "open relationship" is what people are looking for.

I'm personally not down with that concept, but, alot of people in my age group (*18-25) are.

 

[blackmagicjack1]

I want to keep this short. You have a right to be in the type of relationship you want to be in. So does she. If you explain what you want to her and it doesn't work with what she wants then you need to start considering your options. People who care about each other work to find common ground.

Not everyone is a cat person.

 

[chickles_:)]

I've got a question, This is mostly for the guys: If your seeing a girl and she wants to hang out with other guys and kiss and hug on them would you be jealous or would you just don't think about it and let her do whatever behind your back and not ask questions. Cuz she says I got a jealous problem but she's telling me she's been out with other guys and kissing and hugging other guys and stuff

Hiya Arrick! 🙂

Okay, I admit i'm not a guy, but I was touched by what you wrote, so I hope it's okay if i wade in on this one.

If I hear you right, the girl you're dating now has said to you that she has been out with other guys in ways that involves kissing and hugging. and this bothers you.

First of all, I seriously have issue with the negative response that 'jealousy' has. Obviously jealousy can go too far, but it is really an emotional (and thereby not controlable response) to what is really happening around us. I don't want to get over techie here so to be brief. If I feel jealous about something my boyfriend does then it's because i feel he is taking something that is mine -physical affection let's say- and giving it to someone else, someone who may soon steal it all away from me.

Who in their right mind wouldn't react to that with distress??

Obviously there is a point when my distress becomes ridiculous and controlling but I do not need to feel ashamed if his behaviour leaves me feeling like i'm losing something. what should i do if that happens?

First I should talk with him about it. It may be that my fear of losing his precious attention is not real. He may be a generally affectionate guy and what he gives to others is not the same as what he gives me.

Then I have to decide how I feel about it... Do I feel comfortable with his interpretation of what is acceptable affection with other women? If so then we're good and i tell him that. If not,, then i tell him that and we talk further. I tell him what I need, what i feel when he behaves like that. And maybe we reach a compromise that both of us can live with

If I am not comfortable, or he isn't then we can try to see if that changes but if it doesn't then I (as does he) have a decision to make. Will I go along with this feeling uncomfortable or will I walk away from this relationship and try to find someone who shares my views about showing affection to other people.

I feel for you, Arrick. This is obviously a tough place for you to be right now. Still, I think you and her need to talk openly about your expectations. If she thinks you're being jealous - you better agree 'cuz it's true, hon. 🙂 Just don't feel bad about it. Remind her that you feel that way because she is crossing your expectations and needs. But listen to her and hear if what she is offering to you actually meets your deepest need even if it seems odd on the surface.

But in the end you have to decide if her expectations and yours line up enough for you to feel comfortable in your relationship - and if not you have to decide whether putting up with your discomfort is worth what you get out of the relationship.

I don't know if that helps, but either way, know that my heart goes out to you in this tricky time in your relationship with her.
*spirit-huggs*

Many blessings,😍

 

[HOLLYWOOD]

this is a hard one brother sayeth the hollywood brother. the problem is that girls can hango ut with guys and never get horny for tickling or anything else. The question is can guys do the same? The hollywood brother do not think so. Now this is where trust will come in. if you trust your partner not to do anything then it is okay. If you think that these people will put so many moves on your dame that she will do something then i would worry. Why not ask her about these guys and what her feelings are? then go drinking with these guys and see is anyone talks about wanting to tickle your significant other or not?

 

[Kittamaru1]

It depends on if she has any connection with them:

I am going steady with a girl, yet I am also very physical with my other female friends. We hug and tickle each other and cuddle when we watch movies, but it's all friendly. They know there is nothing sexual there and that it's not any kind of flirting, it's just who I am. My girl is the same way- she'll hug and wrestle with her friends, a few of them I'm friends with.

We both know when to draw the line and we both constantly keep in check with the other, watching to make sure we don't ignore each other. We also make a point of spending time together the limited chances we get (distance is a bit of an issue with gas at three dollars a gallon and me having a vehicle that only gets around 25 MPG- she lives almost 200 miles from me)

 

[cosquillero1]

I've got a question, This is mostly for the guys: If your seeing a girl and she wants to hang out with other guys and kiss and hug on them would you be jealous or would you just don't think about it and let her do whatever behind your back and not ask questions. Cuz she says I got a jealous problem but she's telling me she's been out with other guys and kissing and hugging other guys and stuff

Depends on several factors.

1. Is she your gf, or a closest friend ?.
2. Are those guys closest to her, or they're any guys ?.
3. Do you feel ok with that and with her ?.
4. Does she feel ok with you ?.

 

[Yersinia]

open relationships

Well, sometimes an "open relationship" is what people are looking for.

I'm personally not down with that concept, but, alot of people in my age group (*18-25) are.

Ive heard this before, but at the same time, the only "open relationships" that I have ever seen occurred at the end of a more serious relationship, and evolved into either an un-relationship, or friendship of some sort. I think these "open relationships" are often employed to ease the transition out of a relationship that at least one party wants to end. -- just my two cents

 

[Yersinia]

my thoughts.

I've got a question, This is mostly for the guys: If your seeing a girl and she wants to hang out with other guys and kiss and hug on them would you be jealous or would you just don't think about it and let her do whatever behind your back and not ask questions. Cuz she says I got a jealous problem but she's telling me she's been out with other guys and kissing and hugging other guys and stuff

I think the central issue here is related to the dynamic of your relationship up to this time. If this sort of behavior is naturally in line with her personality, and things had been well between the two of you up to this point, then I would not be too perturbed -- it probably doesn't mean anything. If this seems out of character for her, and/or you and she have had rocky times recently then this may be a signal that she wants out. I would act in accordance with what you judge to be the more likely of the scenarios. Ultimately though, you should be comfortable with her behavior, and she with yours; if that sort of reconciliation is too difficult to attain then you should be looking elsewhere regardless of the circumstances.

 

[Ghost_Host_9991]

Noramlly I'm not this concise but...

DTB. (dump that bitch).

That's a Leykis 101 red flag if I ever saw one.

But, if you insist on staying with her then I would immediately begin kissing and hugging on other ladies and see how she likes it. If nothing else you'll be seeing what's out there and laying groundwork for when the time comes to DTB.

 

[Arrick60458]

I thank you for that I appreciate it very much thank you again

 

[womenruleidrool1]

I would say goodbye. I'm the jealous type and just couldn't get used to that. Right or wrong, that's just how it is for someone like myself. I think a girl like that needs the type of guy who isn't jealous at all.