Let's see what you folks think. (Long relationship thread, minimum sarcasm)

[Leo tickles]

So, here's the situation. Been dating a very different from me girl for about 9 months now. She likes to go out, drink, have a good time. I don't, I'm more of a settle down at home type.

So, she drags me out with her school friends tonight. In the midst of it all, she runs into a guy she met during her "party days" and he says they're hot, she's not. She's pissed. To top it all off, her friends are ignoring her. I remind her that she's beautiful, the night goes on for 10 minutes before she says let's leave. I say okay. She says maybe if I drink more, I'll have fun. I sarcastically, as humor, and she KNOWS it's humor, say "either I'll hate you or they will"... the night continues for 5 minutes.

I say baby, I love you, you are beautiful, but this is your scene, your idea. I am just sitting here trying to enjoy my once in a year drink, barley talking, if anything, casually being an ass to the guy who called you ugly.

She says "you are never there for me, always hated me, and never make me feel better". At this point I stand up, and yell "don't disrespect me, because you are pissed at them."

She storms out, and she was driving, btw. So we get in her car and she attempts to do 50 in a tiny ass bar parking lot. I say slow down, I don't want to die, too. She SCREAMS "I've had enough of you, shut the fuck up."

I shut the fuck up as she so kindly (heh) requested as she drives like an escaped convict and mutters that "why do I have hope for you, I knew you would humiliate me in front of my friends, etc etc....

So that's the story, now here are my thoughts.

No, I shouldn't have yelled at her, but, as I pointed out to her, which I also should have maybe not done, her friends were too fucking busy ignoring her to notice. That's a fact, not a sarcastic statement, not mean, not harsh, just true.

So, we get home safe (lucky me, right?) and she grabs her shit, walks out. Since she screamed at me, I haven't said a word to her. Her only contact was a text saying "we are broken up, just in case there's any confusion".

At the end of the day, I could have done some things differently. But with that, also comes knowing about my life and my history. I've been screamed at, thrown away with break ups, and have bought her so much, including a 300 dollar promise ring, and constantly being told I need to reform into a better person, it's just too much for me. She wants me to be what I'm not: her dream guy. And that's okay, shit fails sometimes, track my post history, I know that. But, trying to MAKE somebody be anything is wrong, especially your dream guy. Her answer for staying with me was "you have awesome traits, and I love you". My question then was, "why are you trying to change me?" The only answer I've received to this very second, is she isn't.

Throughout my life, I've been abused by my father, mother, "friends", and others. And I have taken away from this what I can and how to be better. Most importantly, I'll miss her, and wish her the best. But in the end, and I truly do mean this, I've been abused and torn down by far more important and respectable people than by somebody who claims to love what they are trying to change.

Thoughts?

 

[Mitchell]

Leo, first let me say that I'm very sorry about how she treated you, my friend. .

Two problems I see here: One: It sounds like you and her are radically different people. You were trying to accomodate her, by doing things you really arent into, like going out with her to bars. She should have understood that you cared for her enough to compromiise/bend over backwards to please her.

Two,. it sounds like she enjoyed criticizing you, and pointing out your faults, instead of focusing in on the positives. People like that piss me off to no end. In a relationship, I'm a believer that one has to be supportive, and try to build their partner up. Dealing with a person like her couldnt be healthy for your psyche. Unfortunately, this happened to me. I busted my ass with someone online, trying to do everything to make it work, only to have the bitch dump me, right after my mom was diagnosed with the cancer. Not only that, all she ever used to do is criticize me about what kind of a horrible person I was/am. It was tiring

I dont see that any of this is your fault. You really tried your best. She probably just wasnt the right person for you. You deserve better than her, and I believe that you will find that person.

I hope this helps. Take it easy.

Mitch

 

[Leo tickles]

Thanks for taking the time to reply in the middle of all of your troubles, Mitch.

I agree that she wasn't the right person. We are different, but even still that could have worked if she would have tried to accept me and not change me. Usually, I'd not sleep or eat for a few days after a break up such as this. But I slept like a baby, had breakfast like a pig, and am looking forward to going to work today. That usually doesn't happen on any day.

I'd say my mind is trying to detach itself from the situation and let things go because I'm sad, but, I think I have a new lease on my life. And that's what is important here, MY LIFE, something she constantly tried to control and change. Some of the suggestions were amazing ones, but when one tries to change EVERYTHING, uh uh.

Relationships went from being first priority to last priority at this point. I'm just going to live the way I want to for a while, without giving anybody a chance to shit on it for seemingly no reason.

 

[Mitchell]

YW, Leo. Glad I could help, pal.

You're right about your life, and I think the idea that you are eating or sleeping, means that even though it hurts, its not consuming you to the point where you allow it to cause you harm. Crazy thing is, with all my problems, I'm eating like a pig, even while watching my mom waste away.

If you need me, PM. If I'm delayed, you know why, but I will get back to you, I promise. You've always been very supportive to me with all of my problems. I felt I needed to reach out to you.

Take care.

Mitch

 

[isabeau]

I would say that she obviously took out on you what happened to her at the party...which is a total shame but happens...

I agree with Mitchell that she doesn't sound exactly right for you...i would suggest that you don't need any more abuse in your life than what you've been dealt with so far...just my humble opinion of course, but you know that old cliche...life is too short..

 

[Leo tickles]

Thanks again, Mitch. My emotional/relationship problems are trivial in comparison to what is happening with you right now, though. Take care of yourself buddy, I'll recover eventually and feel better about it, I already do, sort of...

Thanks, Is, I agree that she isn't right for me, also.

I was talking to an old friend last night and explained that I'm no saint, I've done terrible things to this girl as she has to me. But instead of just saying fuck her and all of that, I'm going the way I feel is mature and right.

I wish her the best in her life, to find the right guy that could make her happier than I could, and to achieve all of her dreams and goals.

Meanwhile, I will live my life the way *I* want, whatever that may or may not entail.

She keeps texting me about some stuff she forgot, I haven't replied, but I've set it outside. I don't want to say another word to her, or ever see her, after the screaming. Yes, I've done it, too, but last night, that was both of our faults. I'll let it remain my fault in her head, and I will strive for a better future, in mine. It's better this way.

 

[Marquis De Sade]

I wish her the best in her life, to find the right guy that could make her happier than I could, and to achieve all of her dreams and goals.

That IS incredibly mature. 🙂

From the details you gave us it's like she was trying to mold you into something you're not (as you said). It sucks when people do that and it's retarded she dragged you out into a setting she should've known you would've been uncomfortable in. I believe a person shouldn't try to change someone else, you should change on your own and want to for yourself and for them IF there's anything you even recognize that even needs changing.

 

[Jagermeistered]

Some chicks are just .

Welcome back to single life, Leo.

 

[Coup de Grace]

You're better off without her. I feel for you, man. I've been there... and I had a long-standing relationship just like yours. One thing I hated more than anything was embarrassing public displays of insanity and one-sided shouting matches that brought upon unwanted attention.

I learned from a bad relationship that if either one of you are shouting, then it's not worth the effort. Life is too short for all of that nonsense. You're better off being lonely and alone than miserable with someone you can't stand.

 

[unclebill]

Leo, I`d dump her and get a puppy. Dogs are far more obedient than women and less headaches, as well.

 

[Bohemianne]

Leo, I`d dump her and get a puppy. Dogs are far more obedient than women and less headaches, as well.

^ ...unless you tie their ankles and wrists and let the turkey feather help you make them (women) obedient (?) LOL!

 

[WorkInProgress]

Leo: You know I've never hesitated to tell you when I thought you'd done wrong. In this instance, I think you just got yourself involved with the wrong woman. She's still stuck back in the high school mentality where status in the peer group is what it's all about. And by the way, where you say "her friends," I translate that into "the peer group." The whole interaction there sounds more like the juvenile rituals of a peer group than serious friendship. The notion that she needs to drink more to have a good time with them says it all. In any case, the relationship between you and this woman is clearly shot. Here's the key: When the woman is displeased with you, she should be able to express it, not in terms of yelling at you that you're bad, but in terms of asking you to do something differently, in the spirit that you and she together are working to improve a situation. If you can't both do that, you don't have a viable relationship.

You've come a long way, just as I think I have too in the past decade. I think your next personal growth goal is attracting the right kind of woman, the kind who won't behave that way.

 

[c7_assassin]

No one here has the capacity to judge why she left you, because we only have your version of what happened; if you had an accurate grasp of what was really going on between you two, this would never have happened in the first place.

 

[Leo tickles]

Thanks for the replies everybody. I agree that she's still stuck in high school with certain things.

I also agree that if our relationship was... a relationship... this would never have happened.

Being detached from her and all of it for a few days now, I have some perspective of what went wrong.

Unlike the past, I'm not worried about how she feels. In the past, I'd always wonder if the girl misses me, wants to call me, etc etc. I know how I feel, and that's good enough for me. I went to work and had a nice shift, went out with my cousin and had a nice time, and am now hanging out doing my own thing before I go to work again. The relationship that was no longer binds me to talking or doing certain things. I can be free, without getting shut down and yelled at. It feels nice.

And my cat is a pretty good cuddle buddy. She purrs when I touch her, not asks to be left alone. *highfive*

 

[Mitchell]

Leo, while I appreciate what you're saying, let me assure you that none of my friends problems are "trivial" to me. I want to be of support to everyone, as much as I can, considering my situation. Think of all the times I bitched about my dad on here, when others lives were falling apart. People supported me, and I want to do the same.

I want to put the next part of what I'm going to say in my own thread, so as not to hijack yours. Good Luck, buddy, I'm here for you if you need me.

Mitch

 

[evilwomanhehe]

Leo, It seems to me that you two are total opposites. Sometimes opposites attract--but it sounds as if she enjoys what she does--and does not "approve" of your laid-back life. She's rebellious--and I think a tremendous tension would get in the way of things. I have had relationships where I felt "forced" into liking the guy--and it just makes me put another brick in the wall. I have many bricks in my wall. Am I happy? No. Do I regret ever saying "hi" to the guy and hope and pray that something good will come out of it? Yes, tremendously. You just have to follow your heart and listen to it. Don't listen to your head.

 

[vladtickleman22]

No one here has the capacity to judge why she left you, because we only have your version of what happened; if you had an accurate grasp of what was really going on between you two, this would never have happened in the first place.

Judgemental prick much? Shit man, you read through all that and get "If you had an accurate grasp of what was really going on between you two, this would never have happen in the first place."

I normally don't agree with Leo at all. You and i have usually seen eye to eye. But in this situation i have to agree with Leo. Sounds to me like this drunken bitch can't deal with the fact that captain douchebag told her that she was ugly and her "friends" are not actually her friends.

Leo, you are better off without someone who needs to crawl into a bottle in order to feel better about herself. I hope she realizes that douchebag is never going to like her and that her "friends" are just using her.

 

[♡AimLEE♡]

Seems like you are better off without her.

 

[vladtickleman22]

Seems like you are better off without her.

There's someone with a brain! Just because Leo can be a herpie most of the time doesn't make everything his fault in relationships.