Long-distance relationship advice

[himynameisbrak]

Hello, everyone. I just wanted to throw this out there to see what kind of responses I got. I need some advice. There's a girl that I've been texting back and forth with for a couple years now. We've gone on a few dates here and there when we've been able to, but we've both got incredibly busy schedules in addition to living in different states (I'm in Michigan, she's in Wisconsin). Both of us have talked about the potential of starting a relationship. Both of us want to - we're attracted to one another, we share a ton of the same interests, we can get along with each other's personalities, etc. But the biggest hindrance right now is the distance. For the moment, she's set in her jobs where she is in Wisconsin right now, and I have my career in Michigan. We'd like to start a relationship, but we're both wary about how distance would affect it. I tried a partial long-distance relationship in the past, and it kind of fizzled out unfortunately, and I definitely don't want that to happen again. I really want things to work out with this girl, and so does she. So, anyway, I'm just looking for some suggestions about how we can possibly make a long-distance relationship work. Any advice from anyone here?

 

[Wally West]

How many hours away are you from each other? I guess I would say to make a long distance relationship work there has to be the idea that eventually one of you will move to be with the other. Do either of your career paths offer that sort of flexibility or will one of you be willing to relocate one day?

 

[himynameisbrak]

How many hours away are you from each other? I guess I would say to make a long distance relationship work there has to be the idea that eventually one of you will move to be with the other. Do either of your career paths offer that sort of flexibility or will one of you be willing to relocate one day?

We're about 7 hours away from each other. At the moment, neither of our career paths would allow us to move. In the near future, only hers would allow her the possibility of moving closer to me. The nature of my job will keep me exactly where I am for another 4 to 5 years. She's told me that she really doesn't have any long-term plans as far as her career is concerned, so maybe she'd be willing to move. As I said, the biggest roadblock for us is starting a long-distance relationship right now. She's spending the week with me in Michigan at the moment, and after this, the next time we'll be able to actually spend time together is June. We're both wary of the idea of long spans of time between spending time with each other.

 

[Wally West]

That's tough. Having been through a long term relationship my best advice is just enjoy the way things are for right now. Don't put all this extra pressure yourselves to turn into a relationship. You guys sounds like you have great chemistry. Maybe at the right time things will break in your favor.

 

[rdhd]

It can work.....my wife (at the time, girl friend) was in the middle of NM, and I was in Houston, TX. We were apart for a year and a half....and others said we would not last. Well, 36 years..... It can, and might well work - it's up to the 2 of you.

 

[chicago]

The only way I see long distance relationships working, speaking from experience, is regular communication, visit as often as possible, have the intention to one day be together in the same state at least (otherwise why bother with the whole thing) and leave it an open relationship until y'all can be together.

The biggest issues are going to be communication and trust.

Also, the fact that when you do get to visit, its going to feel like magic romantic fantasyland because y'all can't see each other much. But of course, when / if you're together regularly, that will change and like any relationship, issues will arise that may not have been noticed when things were long distance

 

[Sensualswitch10]

Wisconsin girls are pretty great, just sayin.
My 3 favorite words.
Friends With Benefits.
I'd recommend that, unless/until one of you decides to move to the other's area.
Had that situation with a girl from Colorado for a year and a half. She eventually met someone in CO and it ended, but it was a great run. Without all the relationship BS.

 

[Sandisk444]

In my experience, they don't last. Regardless of how you guys feel about each other and how much you're willing to put in, the distance becomes insufferable. My last two relationships were long distance and even with regular communication and even semi-regular visits, it just didn't work. In both cases they came to me saying they need that physical component more frequently than they are getting it and it's just too much for them. I'm not saying that this girl you're interested couldn't handle it or trying to say "women can't handle them", but in both cases I literally did as much as I physically could to try and keep it going but it just couldn't happen.

If you guys are going to make it work, you'd need to come up with a plan. You'd need a definitive time frame for how long the distance will be a factor so that there's the promise of having a closer relationship. Otherwise it'll feel out of reach and the feelings you guys have for each other won't be able to hold up alone.

I realize this is rather a rather cynical opinion, but I've essentially sworn off long distance stuff because it hurts too much to have the relationship just fall apart out of your control.

 

[chicago]

What Sandisk said is why trying to force monagamy when long distance is a big issue.

 

[Wolf]

I'm gonna echo what several have already said; unless it's already a committed relationship with some mileage on it, I can't see the logic in being long-distance and then calling it a relationship. Right now, you haven't even spent enough time together to know if it's workable.

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

I don't think distance is a factor in ruining a relationship. I knew some couples that had to spend a year or two away from each other because of different reason...mostly job related or financial. I think its the need for physical attention that ruins a relationship. If two people can stand not being physical for awhile then their is hope...if not, then it will fail.

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

I say go for it. How hard can it be? If you truly love each other, then distance becomes moot. However if your relationship is more based on physical attraction than who the other person is on the inside, then perhaps it makes less sense to be solely committed to the exclusion of all others.

 

[BlasterMaster]

I say go for it and communicate regularly. 😀

I also agree with Chicago. Be prepared for the day when you might be seeing your significant other more often (or possibly living with her).

Issues can and probably will arise but if you both talk it through I'm sure you'll get through them.

 

[ticklerpilot]

Well not to be pessimist but all my long distance relationships have failed so...my advice is avoid it if possible