My real name, is Nick... and, as far as I know, I am neither particularly attractive nor overly charming. One of my biggest failings in life is a complete and utter inability to "read between the lines," to pick up on hints, or to understand personality traits which aren't a part of my own personality. It's cost me some dear friends; I seem to have a particularly bad habit of letting my heart be broken, by people who were quite specific in advance about how they weren't looking for "anything special" between the two of us, but just found me to be a "nice guy."
Then, something clicks, and I start to try to get closer to them... and for a while they reciprocate. I've never been quite certain why; maybe they feel bad, or change their mind and then change it back again. I've been repeatedly abandoned by friends, literally with no explanation whatsoever, after things were going very well between us, on more than one occasion. I wish I could say I was getting used to it...
I'm one who needs a single, very close friend, a companion, with or without the romantic connotation. I need one person to bounce ideas back and forth with, to be closer to than anyone else. Obviously, it helps if there's romance involved, only because if they aren't being romantic with me, they probably are with someone else... and I doubtless wind up meaning less to them, than they do to me. Such doesn't typically work out well, although I don't mind it in principle. Where romance is involved, I'm an affectionate, loving, funny guy, with some level of charm that apparently isn't visible otherwise. Publicly, I enjoy holding hands, or just having my arm around my girl. It can be just a friendly thing, but it means a lot to me. I've been known to be a bit more daring, in public, when with someone else who obviously enjoys such themselves. Privately, I'm a somewhat dominant individual, for whom tickling can be just fun... or very, very intimate.
The nicest thing that I can say about myself is that I'm loyal, with all the tenacity of a radioactive bulldog. I truly adore those who manage to get close to me. I can be doting, loving, caring, whatever... it's all there, and it's all genuine. It's not a submissive trait; it's an honest enjoyment taken in "being there" for a friend. Recently, while visiting someone, I sat there for about fifteen minutes while she was using her computer to chat with other friends. She was stretched out on a bed, and joked that she wanted me to hold her drink for her while she typed, so she wouldn't spill it... so I did. It got a good laugh out of everyone... but this sort of thing makes me feel great. Over the years, I've done countless little things like that, as well as a few major ones: I put myself into financial hell, the first time I went through it, to help out a friend who'd lost his job. I held a friend of mine after she'd been assaulted by her boyfriend, somewhere around six or seven hours, and finally managed to convince her to go to the police. I've done... other things, I'm not necessarily comfortable posting about here ;-)
What am I looking for... why am I posting in pen pals...
I'm really not sure.
Right now, I'm feeling very much alone. Due to circumstances partly my fault, and partly not, I've wound up living at home again at the age of 27. I've turned my parents' garage, which doesn't see much use anyway, into a ramshackle sort of apartment. I have no car, and no means of getting one for at least a few more months, if not longer; there is nothing here within walking distance, and my one local friend lives half an hour away... not to mention, works two jobs, and has a hobby I'm not involved in, so I see very little of him. Due to circumstances that are, entirely, my fault, this situation has been dramatically extended. I have no life and little means of aquiring one, though I do desperately try to get out when I can.
I'm looking for friends. People to exchange email with, whatever. I'm not "looking for" romance, or for that One True Friend, or anything on that level. I don't like the idea of setting out looking for either of those things... I don't have a problem with people who do it, but it really isn't for me. So far, every time I've found either in life, it's been by chance when I wasn't looking for them. Even though I haven't had the best luck to date, I have had some wonderful relationships over the years, and I don't want to start looking specifically for them now... I'd rather just keep going the way I have been in that regard.
I enjoy talking... online, on the phone, and in person. Conversations about almost anything, really. I'm fascinated by martial pursuits... the martial arts, weaponry of almost any age, culture and time period... armor, for some reason, as much as weaponry, and again from any point on Earth or in time. I'm a bit of a nerd, with a serious interest in some of the sciences, most notably astronomy. Ancient and U.S.A. history are points of fascination for me, though they're followed loosely; I don't know as much about any particular period as someone who specializes in it. I'm a geek, with a lasting interest in roleplaying games, Star Trek, Star Wars, all things Tolkien, etc.
I'm a deep-thinking individual, often accused of being over-analyzing, an accusation that is probably quite accurate (let me ponder it for a few more weeks, and I'll get back to you). Part of my problem is an overabundance of free time and absolutely nothing to do to fill it. I'm an aspiring author with a lot of writing talent who can't seem to focus for more than 5 pages, so I've yet to put out anything respectable, aside from a few works of award-winning poetry... which I'm perhaps a little more proud of than I should be. I have lifelong problems with depression, and an attention defi--
I've had issues with anxiety, but to be honest, I don't think I have a "problem" in that area. I think it's most the fact that I'm simply not used to socializing. I felt the desire to start hanging out with people and having fun socially very late in life compared to most, having been almost sociopathically happy to be completely on my own with my own imagination for company until my late teens. Lately, I've been trying to come up with ways to throw myself into social situations and get used to it; the upcoming NEST in... wow, less than two weeks' time... is one of those ways. A recent visit with a friend in Chicago was another, although this has resulted in another one of those situations that I'm simply not understanding (I'm trying hard to just let it be, although the fact that I mention it here probably shows how well I'm doing at that).
I'm no pop culture expert. I don't tend to remember the names of individuals in bands, or even what bands made the songs I like. I love music, but I tend to like a song, or not like a song, with a few rare exceptions. Likewise, for movies, there are very few genres I'm not into. I tend to know a bit more about the movies I like, than I do about the music I'm into... I just like to let music "flow" but often enjoy dissecting movies (afterwards, not during). I enjoy reading, a great deal, as well as writing. My favorite literary genres are fantasy and horror, followed closely by science fiction; I enjoy the planetary romance / barbarian pulp, and (rather large gap here) mystery, historical fiction, and books that make me think. A recently finished favorite of mine is Into the Wild, the true story of a young man from a well-adjusted, well-off family who vanished for two years to tramp the country, poor and largely alone, and wound up dying in the bush in Alaska in what was supposed to be his last stop before returning to civilization. Currently, I'm struggling (and it is a bit of a struggle, admittedly) through the transcendentalists, such as Thoreau and Emerson.
I'm an intellectual bigot. There's really no way to sugar-coat that. I tend to react poorly to people who aren't capable of an intelligent, well-informed, and interesting discussion. You don't have to be a genius, or the world's best speller... I'm neither, obviously... but if you start laughing whenever I use a word with more than three syllables... if you're not sure what a 'syllable' is... if you think Shakespeare is a deadly weapon (God, I just dated myself, there...) I'm tired of dealing with that. I know how this makes me look; at least I'm honest. Right now, I'm trying to fill a void in my life. I'm surrounded by people I can't have a discussion of any depth with; I'm looking for people that are capable of such.
And, of course, I'm a tickler. I'm not so much a 'lee anymore; I used to take pride in being a dedicated switch, but after a lot of soul-searching I decided I really wasn't that into being tickled, it was more the simple "I'm getting attention!" that thrilled me. Tickling, I do enjoy very much, although I'm extremely straight... I feel very uncomfortable at the notion of tickling other guys, and this is not something I feel is "wrong" or needs working on. I'm not unwilling to meet people, and I'm not unwilling to tickle, or play at it online... but be aware that this isn't what I'm looking for primarily. There's got to be more to you than your fetish.
I don't expect to have a lot in common with anyone. I don't require that people enjoy the same things I do... I'm just hoping to find people to chat with, in some context.
I may be reached at,
[email protected]
on AIM at Heart Shard
on YAHOO! Pager at Mardiggan
on MSN Instant Messenger using the e-mail [email protected] (no longer checked; if you want to email me, use [email protected])
Then, something clicks, and I start to try to get closer to them... and for a while they reciprocate. I've never been quite certain why; maybe they feel bad, or change their mind and then change it back again. I've been repeatedly abandoned by friends, literally with no explanation whatsoever, after things were going very well between us, on more than one occasion. I wish I could say I was getting used to it...
I'm one who needs a single, very close friend, a companion, with or without the romantic connotation. I need one person to bounce ideas back and forth with, to be closer to than anyone else. Obviously, it helps if there's romance involved, only because if they aren't being romantic with me, they probably are with someone else... and I doubtless wind up meaning less to them, than they do to me. Such doesn't typically work out well, although I don't mind it in principle. Where romance is involved, I'm an affectionate, loving, funny guy, with some level of charm that apparently isn't visible otherwise. Publicly, I enjoy holding hands, or just having my arm around my girl. It can be just a friendly thing, but it means a lot to me. I've been known to be a bit more daring, in public, when with someone else who obviously enjoys such themselves. Privately, I'm a somewhat dominant individual, for whom tickling can be just fun... or very, very intimate.
The nicest thing that I can say about myself is that I'm loyal, with all the tenacity of a radioactive bulldog. I truly adore those who manage to get close to me. I can be doting, loving, caring, whatever... it's all there, and it's all genuine. It's not a submissive trait; it's an honest enjoyment taken in "being there" for a friend. Recently, while visiting someone, I sat there for about fifteen minutes while she was using her computer to chat with other friends. She was stretched out on a bed, and joked that she wanted me to hold her drink for her while she typed, so she wouldn't spill it... so I did. It got a good laugh out of everyone... but this sort of thing makes me feel great. Over the years, I've done countless little things like that, as well as a few major ones: I put myself into financial hell, the first time I went through it, to help out a friend who'd lost his job. I held a friend of mine after she'd been assaulted by her boyfriend, somewhere around six or seven hours, and finally managed to convince her to go to the police. I've done... other things, I'm not necessarily comfortable posting about here ;-)
What am I looking for... why am I posting in pen pals...
I'm really not sure.
Right now, I'm feeling very much alone. Due to circumstances partly my fault, and partly not, I've wound up living at home again at the age of 27. I've turned my parents' garage, which doesn't see much use anyway, into a ramshackle sort of apartment. I have no car, and no means of getting one for at least a few more months, if not longer; there is nothing here within walking distance, and my one local friend lives half an hour away... not to mention, works two jobs, and has a hobby I'm not involved in, so I see very little of him. Due to circumstances that are, entirely, my fault, this situation has been dramatically extended. I have no life and little means of aquiring one, though I do desperately try to get out when I can.
I'm looking for friends. People to exchange email with, whatever. I'm not "looking for" romance, or for that One True Friend, or anything on that level. I don't like the idea of setting out looking for either of those things... I don't have a problem with people who do it, but it really isn't for me. So far, every time I've found either in life, it's been by chance when I wasn't looking for them. Even though I haven't had the best luck to date, I have had some wonderful relationships over the years, and I don't want to start looking specifically for them now... I'd rather just keep going the way I have been in that regard.
I enjoy talking... online, on the phone, and in person. Conversations about almost anything, really. I'm fascinated by martial pursuits... the martial arts, weaponry of almost any age, culture and time period... armor, for some reason, as much as weaponry, and again from any point on Earth or in time. I'm a bit of a nerd, with a serious interest in some of the sciences, most notably astronomy. Ancient and U.S.A. history are points of fascination for me, though they're followed loosely; I don't know as much about any particular period as someone who specializes in it. I'm a geek, with a lasting interest in roleplaying games, Star Trek, Star Wars, all things Tolkien, etc.
I'm a deep-thinking individual, often accused of being over-analyzing, an accusation that is probably quite accurate (let me ponder it for a few more weeks, and I'll get back to you). Part of my problem is an overabundance of free time and absolutely nothing to do to fill it. I'm an aspiring author with a lot of writing talent who can't seem to focus for more than 5 pages, so I've yet to put out anything respectable, aside from a few works of award-winning poetry... which I'm perhaps a little more proud of than I should be. I have lifelong problems with depression, and an attention defi--
I've had issues with anxiety, but to be honest, I don't think I have a "problem" in that area. I think it's most the fact that I'm simply not used to socializing. I felt the desire to start hanging out with people and having fun socially very late in life compared to most, having been almost sociopathically happy to be completely on my own with my own imagination for company until my late teens. Lately, I've been trying to come up with ways to throw myself into social situations and get used to it; the upcoming NEST in... wow, less than two weeks' time... is one of those ways. A recent visit with a friend in Chicago was another, although this has resulted in another one of those situations that I'm simply not understanding (I'm trying hard to just let it be, although the fact that I mention it here probably shows how well I'm doing at that).
I'm no pop culture expert. I don't tend to remember the names of individuals in bands, or even what bands made the songs I like. I love music, but I tend to like a song, or not like a song, with a few rare exceptions. Likewise, for movies, there are very few genres I'm not into. I tend to know a bit more about the movies I like, than I do about the music I'm into... I just like to let music "flow" but often enjoy dissecting movies (afterwards, not during). I enjoy reading, a great deal, as well as writing. My favorite literary genres are fantasy and horror, followed closely by science fiction; I enjoy the planetary romance / barbarian pulp, and (rather large gap here) mystery, historical fiction, and books that make me think. A recently finished favorite of mine is Into the Wild, the true story of a young man from a well-adjusted, well-off family who vanished for two years to tramp the country, poor and largely alone, and wound up dying in the bush in Alaska in what was supposed to be his last stop before returning to civilization. Currently, I'm struggling (and it is a bit of a struggle, admittedly) through the transcendentalists, such as Thoreau and Emerson.
I'm an intellectual bigot. There's really no way to sugar-coat that. I tend to react poorly to people who aren't capable of an intelligent, well-informed, and interesting discussion. You don't have to be a genius, or the world's best speller... I'm neither, obviously... but if you start laughing whenever I use a word with more than three syllables... if you're not sure what a 'syllable' is... if you think Shakespeare is a deadly weapon (God, I just dated myself, there...) I'm tired of dealing with that. I know how this makes me look; at least I'm honest. Right now, I'm trying to fill a void in my life. I'm surrounded by people I can't have a discussion of any depth with; I'm looking for people that are capable of such.
And, of course, I'm a tickler. I'm not so much a 'lee anymore; I used to take pride in being a dedicated switch, but after a lot of soul-searching I decided I really wasn't that into being tickled, it was more the simple "I'm getting attention!" that thrilled me. Tickling, I do enjoy very much, although I'm extremely straight... I feel very uncomfortable at the notion of tickling other guys, and this is not something I feel is "wrong" or needs working on. I'm not unwilling to meet people, and I'm not unwilling to tickle, or play at it online... but be aware that this isn't what I'm looking for primarily. There's got to be more to you than your fetish.
I don't expect to have a lot in common with anyone. I don't require that people enjoy the same things I do... I'm just hoping to find people to chat with, in some context.
I may be reached at,
[email protected]
on AIM at Heart Shard
on YAHOO! Pager at Mardiggan
on MSN Instant Messenger using the e-mail [email protected] (no longer checked; if you want to email me, use [email protected])
