lost a friend

[Ayla ny]

found out that an old boyfriend killed himself today. it’s been fifteen years since we were on our self-destructive journey together. we rode life hard. trying to break it, to tame it, to make sense of it. we never did.

around the same time I started college he went to jail for the first time. after that it was all quick ‘hello’s and ‘how’s life treatin ya?’s. we cared, but we were no longer on the same journey.

on hearing of his death I was deeply saddened, but not really surprised. I wish burning so brightly hadn’t hurt so bad.

I miss you, buddy. miss just knowing you’re around. hope it all makes sense now.

I know this is kind of a strange place to post this kind of thing... but I needed to vent and I think he would have gotten a kick out of it. 🙂

 

[Krokus]

Sorry to hear that..

The road to recovery, as im sure you know, is a long and hard road...some people just can't handle it. If you need to talk, don't hesitate to drop me a line [email protected]

 

[JoBelle]

Ayla...been down that road. It's rough, and I won't try to make it easier with random words. Just know that you've got some friends 'round here that you dont' lay eyes on, who will be thinkin' about you in your grief.
Joby

 

[venray]

May his soul find a peace now that eluded it in life.......

Ven

 

[TicklingDuo]

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I second Ray's sentiment, hoping he has now found peace. I hope that you can find peace as you deal with this tragic loss as well. Having lost two people to suicide myself, I know how much it can hurt. If you feel the need, feel free to write me. [email protected]

Ann

 

[kwildoctr]

May his soul find a peace now that eluded it in life.......

I echo Ray's sentiments, dear friend. And may your soul find its own peace as well. If you need anything, you know how to get hold of me.......

R

 

[amk714]

My condolences, Ayla, 🙁 and your post is welcome, this is the perfect place to vent because we're all here for you in your time of need. 🙂

 

[Ayla ny]

thanks. we were best friends and lovers through a few very rough years of life. I know that even after we lost touch, if he thought of me, he smiled. whenever we ran into each other it was pure joy and good feelings. the last time we saw each other I was still with my husband and was getting the ole jealous stare. can’t help but wonder if we had been able to go out for a coffee and talk...

a friend asked me if I was going to the wake. I can’t. he left a wife and I wouldn’t want her wondering who I was and why I was there. it was a long time ago but an ex-girlfriend is still an ex-girlfriend.

my sister knew him and we had a nice talk about what nut he was, the good times we had, and what a what a selfish prick he was to do this. and how much he hurt.

hate being all emotional. wish I could give him a big hug and then punch him right in the nose! lol

thanks for letting me vent.

 

[4Pawz]

Aw Ayla, I am so sorry🙁 We are here for you if you need to talk

Pawz

 

[njjen3953]

Ayla,
You know how to reach me if you need to. I will be here.

Jen

 

[kurchatovium]

I am deeply sorry Ayla. If you need to talk further I'm here as well.

 

[kandykisses]

I am deeply sorry Ayla, I have been where you are🙁 You are not alone, Ray said it the best I know how, may your soul find it's own peace now. I pray that your friends soul is also at peace.
God bless you, please be strong!

With love and prayers.
Kandy

 

[dig dug dog]

My sympathies, Ayla. I'm sure knowing you added to his life.

dig dug

 

[tkrexx]

Condolences, Ayla...A lifelong friend of mine did his first 1 1/2 yr prison stint recently, been out about 9 months, and now everyone's lost track of him. I truly hope he has not also found that life just isn't living up to it's name.

Rxx

 

[Dave2112]

I went through my own rather extended period of riding life too hard, and lost quite a few of those who shared the journey. One thing to look at is where you are now compared to where you were. It puts things in perspective.

I am deeply sorry for your loss, sweetie. I know how caring a person you are, and even a long-ago relationship still has meaning for you, as it should for us all.

You know where I am.

 

[luv2bt&tickled]

My condolences, Ayla, and this is the right place to post this. That is what friends are for. This is a great family. Sometimes, words are just not enough. I am so sorry to hear this🙁
If you need a shoulder or someone to talk to [email protected]
I am a good listener.
Take care of yourself.

With love and prayers.
Tracy

 

[BettyBoop2002]

My condolences too Ayla. This subject is never easy! 🙁