(Man) Distressed about sex :sigh:

[Genma1]

Hi.
Right now I currently have a very passionate girlfriend. I have been dateing her for 3 years now. She seems to treasure her virginity and stayed away from premarital sex. We have decided that we would tie the knot in a couple months, perhaps this winter? She wants to have kids, thats a fact that I know for sure, and I know that marriage comes with occasional sex with your partner. However, tickling seems to be my only means of "getting off", and I never really took a liking porn depicting sex, and female nudes, breasts etc.
I am VERY distressed that on the night of our marriage, she will throw herself on me with excitement and be unable to even attain an erection, much to her disappointment...
I would feel very bad if that happened, because she saved her virginity for that special someone, and that is me. I am sure that it would disappoint her if I could not please her sexually, and it would not only disappoint her that night, but disappoint her for the rest of her life because I cannot provide her with sex like a normal husband can.
If any of you married men of TT can provide me some advice and experience about married life with a tickle fetish, please do!!
I am so distressed about this.
My main question, is it even possible to please a wife if you cannot get an erection?

 

[nessonite1]

Talk to her about it x_x

 

[Senshi1]

No experience with marriage, but as I see it, it's the ultimate oath between two people - swearing loyalty to each other for the rest of your lives. If you can't tell your wife about your tickling fetish, who can you tell? 😉

 

[Genma1]

Thank you all for your advice.
However, I still would really appreciate it if a married man could tell me about his experiences

 

[Genma1]

Can anyone?
Please?

 

[Journia]

Okay. I know what you cando. I have the same problem as you do. What you do is this. have cionfidence in yourself. if you have confidence in yourself, then you won't dread the moment when it arises. and it is usually the dread whuich causes the erection to fall.

 

[nessonite1]

I am married. I'm not a man though.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

I am sure that it would disappoint her if I could not please her sexually, and it would not only disappoint her that night, but disappoint her for the rest of her life because I cannot provide her with sex like a normal husband can.

I don't have to be married (which I'm not) to tell you that you are wrong here (though your concerns for her are in the right place).

"Like a normal husband can" particularly concerns me.

Who says you're not normal so long as you can facilitate her sexual needs and make her happy? Did you ever consider that she may be willing to understand and allow tickling to be a part of your sexual life, especially if it's the only way you're going to be able to perform?

If she wants that sausage, she's going to have to cook it, if you know what I mean. 😉

It's definitely going to take some managing, but if you can work out a sort of window frame before sex where it's all tickling and then some non-fetish foreplay to get HER in the mood, then you should able to do your business and make her happy and fulfilled at the same time.

Of course, I only trust what I'm saying so much, since this all could fall apart if it gets old for her or she secretly feels you're holding sex with her at gunpoint.

This is why you need to talk to her about it and arrange something where you both get what you want and you'll have to learn to sometimes do without or rely heavily on fantasies while you're having sex. While it would be nice to focus on the lovely creature you're bonding with, that may not always be possible for you.

Who knows, you haven't even been in bed with her yet. It's very possible that she'll sexually unlock something in you that will get you hard and in the mood no matter what. Just being with her in that kind of environment may make you capable of things you didn't think were possible for you, including being able to satisfy her without tickling.

Have confidence, trust in yourself, and focus on the love you two share.

My biggest suggestion for you NOW though is to tell her BEFORE you're married that you have a fetish. If she already knows, tell her what you've told us and I'm sure she'll be willing to at least talk about it.

This is very important, and it would be wrong to keep this from her and then have it revealed on the honeymoon in what could be the most embarassing situation of BOTH your lives.

You owe it to her to be honest and frank with this. Have courage, and be willing to compromise.

 

[P[a]pi]

Just because you don't like porn, that doesn't mean tickling is the only thing that can get you hard. When she throws herself on you, I bet you get hard. If she does the right stuff you should be just fine. Do you guys make out? And if so do you get hard then? And if not, then just tickle her a bit to get hard, then do what she wants you to do to her, then have sex.

If tickling is truely the only way you can get an erection, and she won't let you tickle her, not even to get hard before sex, then maybe she isn't the right girl for you.

I personally think of sex as an animalistic thing that comes out. After you do it for awhile, you'll notice you both getting more and more into it.

I think some guys worry that tickling is the only thing that can get them hard because tickling is the only that has gotten them hard so far in their lives. I think once a girl starts doing stuff to you, and you two start grinding, it will get hard.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

There is also some additional hope for you. You have posted in the "can foot fetistism be cured?" thread. You have, therefore acknowledged, to yourself anyways, that it may be possible to cure a fetish.

As a preemptive action, you may consider seeking some professional help and advice, especially as it relates to sex specifically. There are plenty of people out there that can help you.

If you take this matter as seriously as it seems you do, and you believe that fetishes can be reduced or cured, you may want to consider talking to a professional before you're married.

Anything that can increase your chances of arousal without dependancy to the fetish should be explored.

Idealogically speaking, if you can distance yourself from the need to sate the fetish and can learn control it, you should be able to get your body to be aroused by your wife almost exclusively.

I don't believe it's impossible for you to do it without the fetish.

 

[a1532b]

Well if worse comes to worse, Just pop a levitra or something before hand. That way you won't have to worry about whether you can get it up or not 😀

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

Just because you don't like porn, that doesn't mean tickling is the only thing that can get you hard. When she throws herself on you, I bet you get hard. If she does the right stuff you should be just fine. Do you guys make out? And if so do you get hard then? And if not, then just tickle her a bit to get hard, then do what she wants you to do to her, then have sex.

If tickling is truely the only way you can get an erection, and she won't let you tickle her, not even to get hard before sex, then maybe she isn't the right girl for you.

I personally think of sex as an animalistic thing that comes out. After you do it for awhile, you'll notice you both getting more and more into it.

I think some guys worry that tickling is the only thing that can get them hard because tickling is the only that has gotten them hard so far in their lives. I think once a girl starts doing stuff to you, and you two start grinding, it will get hard.

Exactly.

He shouldn't, when it comes time to it, underestimate her abilities to turn him on. That's not only doubting himself, but her also.

Afterall, sex (and the enjoyment of it) is not only up to the man. The woman is supposed to equally contribute to the experience too and do not only do what she can to keep the man hard, but to make sure he's loving it.

Well if worse comes to worse, Just pop a levitra or something before hand. That way you won't have to worry about whether you can get it up or not 😀

Or that. 😀 LOL

 

[asutickler1]

Vlad is right, man. I think you're significantly overestimating the difficulty of achieving an erection when an attractive woman is throwing herself on top of you...

If you're a virgin, you'll probably run into a problem that's the exact OPPOSITE of the one you're anticipating, if you know what I mean. 😉

 

[HOLLYWOOD]

the hollywood brother think it might be mind over matter. just imagine yourself with a raging cajun in your pants that has a satisfaction guareentee and she will love it. also if tickling gets you going then tickle her or imagine tickling some of the great ladies of the tickle theatre

 

[Genma1]

thanks for the advice guys. I really appreciate it.
This has made me feel better.

 

[Ticklish Old Man]

Hey Genma,
After being involed with each other for three years, I'm sure your lady love will be understanding.
And quite possibily indulge your arousal requests.
I've been married seventeen years and tickling is definately a aphrodisiac,
don't worry about your preformance you'll only increase your anxiety level.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

thanks for the advice guys. I really appreciate it.
This has made me feel better.

If I was in that situation I'd probably want help too. Don't feel ashamed or weak that you sought help. It was/is not a weakness. Be proud that you were courageous enough that you did. 🙂

 

[Dude'sonfire]

Hey Genma.

Heh, it happens at first sometimes. It happened to me with my first girlfriend when we first fooled around. Problem is, the fact that you worry about it is the exact reason it happens.

So there you go. Try your best not to worry about it (this is easier if you talk to her about it a while before hand), but if it does happen, just relax and do other stuff in the mean time - learn how to please her. If your wife having an orgasm doesn't turn you on, then I'll shoot myself in the head.

Rock on.

 

[Betchass1]

My main question, is it even possible to please a wife if you cannot get an erection?

I saw a webpage a while back of a voluntary eunuch who had everything removed, and he insisted he was capable of pleasing his wife. I can't seem to find the page now.

 

[Horse1]

I'm a married man, and I can tell you this. You simple must tell her. To hide this would be a cowardly and complete wrong thing to do.

 

[Cbarton]

As a man married to the same woman for 18 years, let me lend you some words of advice, Gemna. I have had the 'tickling fetish' thing since I hit puberty around age 15-16. My wife and I bucked the 'norm' that the media and Hollywood try to press upon young people and we waited until our wedding night.

If she doesn't know about your affection towards tickling, find a way to talk with her about it. If you two TRULY love each other, she will work with you on it. Tickling has never been a part of my real-time life, and I can assure you that my wife and I have VERY GOOD RELATIONS WITHOUT IT! She will be as eager to please you as you are ( or at least should be) to please her. Just relax and don;t get all uptight about it. All that anxiety can, as they say, "impede performance."

Talk to her. I'm sure your body will respond in the appropriate manner, with or without tickling. Besides, it will take some time to learn how your bodies repsond to each other anyway...that's the magic of the marriage bed!

 

[PainTrain]

If she wants that sausage, she's going to have to cook it, if you know what I mean. 😉

Just wanted to say, that is the greatest line I think I've ever read, on any forum. I needed my inhaler after reading that. ^^;

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

Just wanted to say, that is the greatest line I think I've ever read, on any forum. I needed my inhaler after reading that. ^^;

I knew someone would say something, and I'm glad someone (you) did. It was well worth saying it, and I guess I've done my job. 😀