Marine Corps Humor

[ShiningIce]

A Marine dies in combat and wakes up to find he is in hell. He's really depressed as he stands in the processing line waiting to talk to an admittance counselor. He thinks to himself I know I lead a wild life but, Hell, I'm a Marine. We're expected to live wild lives. I wasn't that bad. I never thought it would come to this. "

Looking up he sees that it is his turn to be processed into hell. With fear and heavy heart, he walks up to the counselor.

Counselor: What's the problem, you look depressed?

Marine: Well, what do you think? I'm in hell.

Counselor: Hell's not so bad, We actually have a lot of fun. Do you like to drink?

Marine: Of course I do. I'm a Marine.

Counselor: Well then, you are going to love Mondays, On Mondays we drink up a storm. You can have whiskey, rum, tequila, beer, whatever you want and as much you want. We party all night long. You'll love Mondays. Do you smoke?

Marine: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Counselor: You are going to love Tuesdays. Tuesday is smoke day. You get to smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes available anywhere. And you smoke to your heart's desire without worrying about cancer because you are already dead! Is that great or what? You are going to love Tuesdays.

Do you like to fight?

Marine: Of course I do. I'm a Marine!

Counselor: You are going to love Wednesdays. That's Fighting Day. We challenge each other to fights to see who's the toughest in Hell. You don't have to worry about getting hurt or killed, because you're already dead.You are going to love Wednesdays. Do you gamble?

Marine: Show me a Marine who doesn't!

Counselor: You are going to love Thursdays, Because we gamble all day and night. Black jack, craps, poker, slots, horse races, everything! you are going to love Thursdays. Are you gay?

Marine: Of course, not! I'm a Marine!

Counselor: Oh (grimaces) , you're going to hate Fridays.

 

[amk714]

What happens on Saturday and Sunday? 😛

 

[BigJim]

A bloke dies and goes to hell. Baphomet meets him in the antechamber and asks him how he's feeling. "Pretty crappy" the guy replies. "Well don't worry" says the Lord of all Darkness. "Because you're the new guy on the block you'll get to choose which room you're tormented in for the first hundred years. Can't say fairer than that can I?" "Sounds quite generous" the bloke agrees and saunters of down a corridor with the Prince of Darkness.

They stop at a junction with a door on either side of the walkway. The Dark Lord opens a flap on one and shows the bloke a scene of guys stretched out on torture racks having their balls flensed with fire. (Okay, I know that is some of your ideas of fun, but give it some poetic license, okay?) The guy recoils in horror and Lucifer quickly shuts the flap and pats him on he shoulder. "Don't worry old chap, see what you think of the second one first." Astaroth opens the flap in the other door and the guy sees a strange scene. The room is knee deep in stinking dog turds and there are guys standing aound in it drinking mugs of tea. Well, the guy thinks, it might be full of shit, but it doesn't look as bad as the other place!

"I'll try this one first" he tells Azazel. "Right you are mate" says the First Disciple of Evil. "In you go!" The walks in, squelching through the dog-shit and takes a mug of tea off the guy with the serving tray. Just as he's finishing it a bell sounds and the overseer says, "Okay boys, tea break is over. Back on your heads!"

 

[ShiningIce]

Astaroth???? 😕

 

[BigJim]

Astaroth???? 😕

One of many names given by different cultures and religion to represent the supreme negative force or energy. All of them look more or less the same when pictorially depicted. 😀 Much the same as George W. Bush looks during a Bohemian Grove summer meeting in fact.