Moral quandry

[immobilyzme]

This is my first post ever. I didn't even know this existed but it is exactly what I was looking for. I am looking for some feedback on something that I am struggling with.

For a long time I have fantasized about being bound and tickled but have not been there yet. My boyfriend is not interested at all. He is great and I have been with him a long time and don't see that changing. I have come right out and told him about this and he is nice about it but feels like he would be hurting me and just basically has no interest in tickling, even unbounded. So I am frustrated. I know I am extremely ticklish and don't even know how it would go if in the situation, but I would like to find out. The closest we come is, and this is embarrassing to even type, but is his attempts to perform oral sex on me. I have never heard of this, but it tickles me greatly. He always just shakes his head and backs off. I am thinking, pin me down and see where it goes, but he doesn't. (To be honest I haven't asked him to since the sensation is almost too much in this area.)

So what is the moral quandry? Well about 4 or 5 weeks ago we were having a late night rap session with several friends and the subject of kind of out there bedroom activities came up and many of us shared some ideas. I mentioned that I fantasized about being tickled, an admission I had never made outside of to my boyfriend. The atmosphere was right for this, but my boyfriend was mortified! He laughed it off, however. One of the guys there, a friend but not someone overly close took great interest and even said to the group that he would be happy to help out. Later he mentioned it to me in the kitchen when we were somewhat alone in a joking manner that, again, he would be happy to help me out with my fantasy. I am an attractive 26 year old woman and I am not surprised someone might be interested. I work out, stay in shape and had just said I would like to be tied up and tickled, I mean, what's not to love!

I can't believe it, but I am thinking about contacting this guy. The urge is tremendous and the guy isn't half bad looking. But even though it isn't about sex (no, I am not testing the oral sex waters!), this would be cheating. Have any of you been in this spot before and what did you do? I can't get this off of my mind. Thanks!

 

[Myriads]

Hello, and welcome to the forum. Glad we have provided a place where some help might be found!

I can perhaps offer some insight to help you think this over.

You've made it clear in your post that tickling has a sexual componant for you. Using that as your basis, we can use a little exercise that I find is useful for answering 'moral issues' that involve sexually charged fetishes.

Replace the word tickled with fucked in your question.

So your question becomes: "Is it ok to be fucked by a guy outside my committed relationship."

Of course only you can answer this.

It could be your relationship is failing, or is open, or the possibility that not being satisfied sexully is an issue that opens the moral door to finding that outside the realtionship, and everyone is cool with it.

It comes down to what you see as 'right' in behavior when it comes to intimate interaction outside your relationship and how you and he have set that up. BIG area, rife with issues. Most couples never get into it.

It's not an easy question. You've done all the 'right things' in being open with your partner about your wants and fantasies. You've told him what you'd like. That he can't/won't points to a issue that could be a relationship stopper in the long run if these behaviors are important to your happiness.

And many many women are 'tickly' during oral sex. No worries I've had many partners react as you describe

Myriads

 

[Tcklsh_Kandy]

Wow! Myriads I think thtas's the most I've heard (seen you write ) you talk since I joined . LOL . You make some great points and there . I too am "tickly" during oral sex , but then again I'm insanely ticklish all the time LOL .

 

[darvon96]

I suggest you attempt discussing with your boyfriend as to why he refuses to indulge you with your fantasy. I find it very odd that someone that supposedly loves you doesn't attempt to please you in every way. Especially when you are specifically asking for! If he is genuinely uncomfortable because he believes some harm will come to you, then take small steps with the tickling and work your way up to more intense sessions. Eventually he should realize that tickling is extremely pleasurable for you and want to continue. If he continues to ignore your desires, you may want to take a deeper look into the relationship, since this may be the prelude to even greater dissatisfaction in the future.

Darv

 

[immobilyzme]

Thanks for your responses. I was not expecting so much discussion of my boyfriends consideration of me. I have thought of this, but to be honest I haven't pushed the issue real hard, I am a little embarrassed. I know here in this forum it is everyday stuff, but to someone who just discovered this world on the internet I felt maybe a little odd. So I haven't made a big deal of it. Maybe he needs to come to this site and others to see that this is a regular thing and people are into this and even need it.

So I am going to bring this up to him and be very clear about what I want to do. As I have thought about it I have to take some of the blame because I have probably done more hinting than explaining. You have helped me see that I am not odd and I just have to accept what I want and ask for it. Hopefully he will accept it. If he doesn't, well maybe I need to think about some of the things you have said about his satisfying my desires. He is very good satisfying me otherwise and is always aware of what I want and need in the bedroom, so I am hopeful.

Thanks, I will let you know how it goes!

 

[TickledToDeath]

Tis a gray area and the argument on whether or not it is cheating has been discussed here for ages and will continue to be a debatable topic forevermore.

You are best to at the very least tell your bf about it.
You may even want him to be there and IN on it.
Maybe you will want to consider attending a........gathering or small get together of others who are into tickling and act out your tickle torture fantasy at that gathering where it would be less.......intimate and or intimidating since it will be a casual / party atmosphere where others are doing it too.

TTD

 

[Majestic]

I agree with TTD. Talk to him about it again. Im amazed that your partner wont indulge you in a fantasy as harmless as binding and tickling. I was in a relationship with someone I thought I could share my fantasies with. Eleven years and two kids later..........Im divorced. A big part of the resolution of our marriage was that he wouldnt indulge me in my fantasies. He felt "stupid" role playing. He didnt see the "need" in acting out these fantasies. He wouldnt share his with me and the ones I revealed to him were not even necessarily considered "kinky". My point.....I dont wish it for anyone but I dont see how you can be happy with this person for long. It's a small thing to ask in my opinion.

Majestic

 

[Mitchell]

This is an extremely complex issue. Myriads makes very excellent points in his post.
Apparently, if you are thinking of calling a guy for tickling, there is something seriously lacking in your relationship with your boyfriend. You are not satisfied in some way, and are looking to seek it elsewhere. Due to this, there is a serious problem that needs to be addressed. The question becomes, even after this one time if you do it, what do you do long term? Even if you love him, is it fair for you or him to go on like this? Only you know how badly this issue is hampering your relationship, and what to do. Sometimes, a compromise can be arrived at, other times that doesnt always work. I truthfully dont know what to say. Only you are with your boyfriend every day, and can judge how badly you are missing whatever it is you are missing from the relationship. If you can compromise with him and work something out, good, but if not, you probably need to consider long and hard about whether he is the right person for you to go on this way with. For me, I have both a tickling and foot fetish. Tickling can be negotiated if I met someone who hated to be tickled as long as I got it sometime, but if I couldnt pay attention to my girlfriend's feet, I would be missing something greatly, and would have to either get her to work with me, or find someone who was okay with my doing things to her feet. Fetishes are a unique thing, and only the individual knows how important and to what degree he or she needs their fetish satisfied. You have a decision to make, and no matter what advice anyone offers you, the ultimate decision is yours.
I hope this helps. Good Luck, and welcome to the forum. The people here are great, and are helpful on many issues. I hope you arrive at whatever decision puts you at peace. I know it is hard, but ultimately, you need to decide which takes priority, your boyfriend, or your need to satisfy your own fetish needs. That is a decision no one can make for you, and I guess you need to weigh the pros and cons before arriving at whatever decision you make. Good Luck.

Mitch

 

[johnjo]

pm

see your pm list. i sent you one. j.j.

 

[TexasTicklin]

Hi, hon. Welcome to TMF and thanks for your post.
Wow. We have a lot in common...LOL. I, too, am divorced. I was divorced for many, reasons, but one of them was my love of tickling and my ex-husband's total disinterest. I have asthma, and although it is only mild, he saw it as a handicap. He was afraid he would tickle me to an asthma attack. It never would have happened, but he flat out refused. He also refused to let me tickle him, and when I tried, he would just get mad. Bondage? No way! He wouldn't allow it.
I am fortunate the my soon-to-be-hubby had a deep down interest in tickling before we got together. We have been able to experiment a lot with each other, and it has definitely enhanced our relationship. He wasn't really sure about it at first, but he found that tickling me was a total turn-on for him. He likes the "power" aspect. He likes to be able to get a reaction out of me, knowing it is him that is causing it, and he knows that he is not hurting me.
If you don't mind me asking, how is your relationship otherwise? How long have you been together? How receptive is he normally to your thoughts and ideas?
I have to say that I think it would be inappropriate to contact this other man without your boyfriend's knowledge. You wouldn't like it if he contacted another woman to spend private time with, right? It possibly could be detrimental to your relationship.
I do have a couple of suggestions. Ask him if he has any fantasies. If they are within reason, and seem acceptable to you, maybe you can trade fantasy-for-fantasy.
If you are not able to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with your boyfriend because it erupts into a fight, maybe you could go to relationship counseling. If you really love your boyfriend and really want to stay with him, but are feeling unfulfilled, maybe this would be a good way to go if it is something you are comfortable doing. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled.
I wish you the best sweetie. If you ever want to talk, PM me. I'm pulling for you.

 

[drew70]

I disagree with the whole "tickling = fucking" concept. Even if somebody gets off on it, it's still totally different behavior altogether. I do agree however that intimate tickling scenes can lead to fucking if the people involved aren't careful. Generally when a man and woman are alone together for any length of time, there are those who will always assume they are fucking. For this reason, I prefer the gatherings for any extra-marital tickling. When it's out in the open, there's little to no cause for suspicion.

 

[tactillianlover]

Hi! May I add...

Find a book or site(or thread here) with the lesson of
trust-power exchange-submission and domination.

In simple terms, it's foreplay.

If he's young like you he may not get past basic sex fantasy
for some time...but odds are he will, being a man.

If he likes porno, perhaps you can find some of the many clips around
here where women are tickled and vibed to orgasm.

He realizes you like being tickled, hopefully he'll learn that
with him on the job, it's burning hot love fest!

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Well, I understand what a lot of people are saying here, but here's a thought. Maybe you should have some tickling play with that guy who said he wanted to help you. Of course do it while you have clothes on and I don't think you would be cheating on your boyfriend because all this other guy is doing is just tickling you AND IT'S NOT SEXUAL. I think you should try discussing it with you boyfriend again about him tickling you. Maybe he has some kind of problem with tickling other than he's worried it will hurt you. I don't think it's a lot to ask for someone you love to tickle you, even a little bit.

Maybe you should consider going to counseling to try and work this out but that's just a suggestion. It shouldn't be such a big deal for him to tickle you if it's important to you. Relationships ar give and take, he should do what ever it takes to please you and vice versa. Hope it works out with the two of you! Keep us posted, well if you want to. Good luck!