Muscian Jokes!

[Luckycat1]

HeyTickle Fans!

I thought it might be fun to start a new thread of musician jokes!

Here’s few to get the ball rolling………

Q. Why does a clarinet player leave his instrument on his dashboard???
A. So he can park in the handicap zone!

Q. How can you tell that there is a drummer at your door???
A. The knock speeds up and slows down!

Q. How do you get rid of a drummer at you door???
A. Pay for the Pizza!

One night an accordian player parked in a bad part of town and foolishly
left his instrument in plain view on the back seat of his car.
When he came back, he found that the windows had been broken out,
and there were two accordians there!

Meow!

 

[MayDay1]

I know people where this stuff applies.

What do you call a rock vocalist with no girlfriend?
Homeless.

How many female vocalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. She holds it up while the world revolves around her.

What's the difference between a guitar player and a mutual fund?
The mutual fund will eventually mature and start earning money.

 

[blackirish021]

What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
--The Defendant.

What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
--Saliva.

What's the difference between a pit bull and a girl singer?
--Lipstick.

How do you know it's a soprano at your door?
--She hasn't got the key and she doesn't know when to come in.

 

[Iluv2Btickled]

Yeah..I've heard countless viola jokes...most of em about being at the front door and they dont know when to come in..lame! 😛 I cant think of any specific jokes..right now 😉

 

[piano_er1]

Hey, what do you use to tie saplings to a piano, so the saplings won't blow away?
Root position cords!

Why did Mozart kill his chickens?
Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

What's the difference between a DJ and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching!

What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
Gifted!

What does a string quartet consist of?
A good violinist, a bad violinist, an ex violinist and someone who hates violins sitting around complaining about composers!

Why do bagpipe players march when they play?
Cuz it's more difficult to shoot a moving target!

And if you combined diminished and augmented chords together, does that mean you'd get demented chords?


:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
I can hear the groans coming from all four corners of the Earth, eehehehehe



I'm sorry, I tried to find some pianist-bashing jokes so's I could make fun of myself, but all I could find was that stupid one about why the piano was invented - so's the musician had somewhere to put his beer. ah ha ha. ha ha. ha.

 

[Luckycat1]

Keep em coming!

Why did the pianist Tickle the Ivories???

.....................fill in the blank!

Meow

 

[Alan19581]

Hey guys, you may see from my profile that I'm a drummer 🙂

Just to show I'm not against drummer jokes here's my contribution

PROFESSIONAL DRUMMER
"You want fries with that?"

I Pretend To Be A Musician,
They Pretend To Pay Me

Stick With It

And Your Pathetic, Whiny Ass, Guitar-Playing Opinion Would Be?

See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Play No Disco

Sticks Used To Be Used For Starting Fires And Beating People To Death.
You Give Me A Strong Urge To Honor My Ancestors.


Better Living Through Syncopation (this is a pun on syncopated rythyms)

I Can't Remember . . . Am I The Talented Band Member Or The Good Looking One?

I'm Just Here To Translate For The Bass Player

Bad Vocalist! No Groupies!

You Sing Like S#!t. Is That The Style Now?

So Many Critics, So Little Freezer Space

This One Goes To Eleven
(with arrow pointing down to the belt buckle)



[this would be better as a bumper sticker]:

"Yes, I'm aware of the existence of drum machines. How clever of you to mention them in my presence. You know, they've invented a machine to do the work of a guitar player, too. It's called a dildo."

 

[alchemy1]

What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?
- A drummer

How do you get a rock guitarist to stop playing?
- Put sheet music in front of him

 

[AcornaMordor]

We had a guy in band that was sooooo dumb that the director gave him two sticks and made him a drummer, but he lost one and became a conductor!

 

[Luckycat1]

My favorite!

Here is my very favorite musician joke…

A band foolishly took a gig for the local mafia boss. At the end of the evening,
when they asked to be paid, the boss said “tell you what boys, if you can
play a romantic song in 5/4 time, I’ll pay ya, if not, I’ll shoot ya!”
The bands singer thought for a moment and began to sing;
“Strangers in the F**kin night……………”*

*count it out!

Meow-t-of here………