Need some help...

[Lynchy]

I have a friend who's 17, and will be homeless as of Frriday when he tenancy runs out. I'm really scared, since I know she's really vulnerable on the streets to drugs and... other things. But the thing is, she keeps telling me about all this stuff, but anything I suggest to try and help her she refuses. I've even offered for her to stay with me for a while, just to have a roof over her head.

But she wants to stay in Manchester, and I'm in Leeds. It's just an hour or so away on the train...

There are people who have hurt her in the past, I mean REALLY hurt her, to the extent that it almost killed her. I'm really scared that this will be the death of her... and there's nothing she'll let me do. I love her to bits and there's no way I can just forget about her, but this is really getting to me now.

Although I guess it puts my mind off other things, like paranoia about... various world issues... I'm just coming to the point where I've really had enough of everything though. There's too much pain in this crappy world and I'm tired of it.

Need cheering up...

 

[TicklingDuo]

Lynchy,

Sorry to hear that things aren't going well with your friend. While I understand that you care for her and want to help, you need to take care of yourself as well. I've had several similar experiences with others in my life. Unfortunately, what I've come down to it to walk away when they refuse to listen. Sometimes that absence makes them think again about what you've said. They either come around or they don't. But, I can't allow myself to be dragged down that way...and neither can you.

One suggestion (which you aren't likely to like) would be to report her to the police once she's on the street. If drugs and other things are involved, maybe a short jail stay will give her shelter, time to get clean and whatever emotional help she may need. If she's not able to make that choice on her own, maybe it needs to be made for her. It's an aweful thing to say. But, it may do a world of good. I'd take that over the world of hurt she's walking into any day. In fact...I have.

Hang in there and take care of yourself. There are always people to listen when you need to talk. Feel free to write me if you like.

Ann

 

[sole seeker]

Lynchy,

Anne's right, you need to protect yourself. Don't take this friend's problems as your own. You don't have the ability to solve them because you don't control your friend's life.

I think that your friend wants someone to care about her problems. You do. She's not asking you to solve them. Caring is all that's required of you right now. I don't think your friend wants you to take any action to help her, just be a refuge she can turn to if it turns out she can't handle the mess she's in. (A warm place to stay the night, a bath and a meal.)

If you're willing to be involved in her problems, just be "the rock" a steady anchor she can turn to if she must. She controls her life and situation, so she's the one who must come to you.